Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(84)

She squinted when she opened her eyes. After checking the clock she seemed pretty annoyed. “Go away. I’m sleeping. It’s not even morning,” she whispered.

“I have an idea that might make you feel better. Come on, wake up. The sun will be up soon. Don’t you want to know what it is?”

She leaned her head on her hand, like it was the only thing keeping it upward. “Fine, talk.”

I could see that she was falling back asleep, but didn’t care.

“You’re all upset over me not knowing about Brooklyn. You think that they’re going to flip out on you or something. I think I have a solution. What if we told them that I knew the whole time? I haven’t been home and they suspect there is a lot of reasons why I’m remaining at a distance. It would only make sense that part of it was because of the baby. If we told them that you didn’t want Branch to know, they’ll believe us.”

She yawned, but looked right at me anyway. “Brooks, the only problem with your story is the part where I run off and get married to a stranger. How are we going to even begin to explain that?”

“We won’t tell them that either. They don’t need to know. Look, we all make mistakes. Last week I felt like my whole life was worthless. I thought you’d moved on and started a family with someone else. I wanted to bury myself ten feet in the ground and never look back. I don’t care about the details of when or who. All I care about is us. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a family to visit on the holidays? It’s better for them to know her when she’s small. That way she’ll never remember a time when they weren’t a part of her life.”

She shrugged. “Of course, it would be wonderful, but I think you’re assuming that they’ll forgive me. I hurt them, Brooks. Just because you’ve forgiven me doesn’t mean they will.”

“Kat, I love you and I love B. I don’t care if it’s been four days or four years. Nothing is going to change for me. Don’t you get it? You’ve given me everything and you still think that you’re this horrible person. You’ve always been a part of my family and you know it. Family forgives.”

“I am a horrible person.” She just kept blaming herself as if I hadn’t been a part of the reason she left her life behind. “Brooks, I ran away from everything, had a child that you never knew about, and let another man, who beat me on occasion, raise her. What part of that is forgivable?”

I pressed my hand over her mouth, so she couldn’t say anymore. “All of it. It’s true, but you also assumed that we were through. Then you thought I died. If something ever did happen to me, I’d want you to find happiness. Besides, after seeing you for five minutes, I knew you were still in love with me. After that, I didn’t care so much. Granted, I was pretty pissed that first night.”

It was rough knowing that Kat assumed I was dead. I don’t know how long she would have gone on living like that, perhaps the rest of her life. That made me so sad because I knew we’d all be missing out on little Brooklyn.

“I could spend the rest of my life apologizing to you and it will never be enough. What if we don’t work out? What then?” Was that a real question? Was she serious?

“First of all, I’ve already forgiven you, at least for the Brooklyn part. Now, me being a guy, I can see where you’d think that Bobby was a good catch. He seems nice on the outside and given your circumstance, I can understand how him offering to take care of you was a good idea. What I don’t understand is how you could let someone physically hurt you more than once. That is what bothers me. It’s the only thing that I can’t let go of, especially since I’ve spent my whole life looking out for you.”

“I’m weak. Losing you broke me. Knowing what we could have been shattered my soul. Once I knew I’d made a horrible mistake, I just ran. I didn’t stop driving until I was sure that I wouldn’t be found. Facing any of you would have been impossible. I thought I had things under control, but I started getting sick and then I discovered I was pregnant. I know my decisions were prompted by desperation. I’ll admit to that. I’ll also admit that after time, I developed feelings for Bobby; feelings that may or may not have blinded me from a lot of things. The problem with falling for someone else was that I knew I was letting you go. When I thought you’d died, I snapped. I think a part of me died with you that day even though you obviously weren’t dead. I gave up hoping and settled for what I already had. Was it a mistake? Probably. At the time, I didn’t have many options.”

“Not until I showed up,” I added.

I took her hand into mine and laced them together.

“When I found out you were alive, I didn’t even tell him. I ran right to you. I had to see you, to touch you and know that it was real. You can’t imagine what I went through. I was miserable. It was hard to even take care of B. My heart hurt for her never being able to know you. I couldn’t let go because I wanted to believe that someday we’d be together. I’ll always run to you, Brooks. It’s why I know that this time is different. Our time apart taught me that my life is nothing unless you’re in it. B needs her real father, not a replacement. She needs to grow up understanding what real love feels like. I will do anything to make what I did up to you and prove that no matter where I was, or who I was doing it with, I never gave anyone my whole heart. I fell in love with you when we were children and it’s never gone away.”