Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(117)
The fact that she knew I cared about her daughter back then made it all so real to me. I felt like somehow she knew we were supposed to end up together. Even as mad as she was at my mom, she could still picture Kat and I being together. I had so much adoration for the woman, and I hoped Kat did too. Her parents had met because they wanted to work things out. They died together, in each other’s arms. They loved one another until their last moments.
After several minutes of sobbing, Kat wiped off her face and looked toward my mom. “Why now?”
“Don’t you get it, Katy? You can’t move forward with Brooks because you think you were responsible for Bobby’s death. How do you think I felt, raising the daughter of the couple that I killed?”
God, I didn’t want this to be the conversation that brought Kat back to me, but damn if it wasn’t. She turned and looked at me with so much pent up sadness. I had no idea what to expect next.
My mom added one more thing. “Katy, you’ve got one life; one chance to make things right. It’s taken me a long time to accept the things that I can’t change. I’ve got to live with myself every day. I’ve got to look in the mirror and face those demons, but I do it, because I have you and the rest of our family. You see, out of something tragic, I learned to be better to myself and to the people around me. I worked things out with Walt and I’ve never loved anyone like I love him now. Seeing you making the same mistakes I made is killing me. I don’t want you walking away from something you were always meant to have. Even your mother knew it. You two have been in love your whole lives. I’ve never seen something so beautiful in all of my life. I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, but please don’t give up on each other. I know your parents are looking out for you. They brought you two back together. I have to believe that.”
When my mom got up and left the room, it was difficult to come to grips with everything she’d said. For a while I sat silent, staring into Kat’s eyes. She had some valid points, and even though I didn’t agree with hashing it all out like she had, so close to Kat having attended a funeral, I knew why. We both did.
Now I just needed to know if it was going to make us, or break up the only family either of us had ever known.
Chapter 58
After all these years, the truth had been confirmed. Our parents were having an affair; one that led to her mother being in the Pentagon while the plane hit it. Like a row of dominos life had followed that path of destruction. I was speechless, and from the look on Kat’s face she felt the same discontent. Even though I’d suspected it, I didn’t know how I was supposed to look at my mother the same ever again. For my whole life, I’d assumed she and my dad were happy. They were such good parents. I wondered what went so terribly wrong that she fell into the arms of his best friend. Better yet, I wanted to know why Kat’s dad didn’t push her away.
Our families did everything together. It was almost sickening to imagine how right under our noses, they were sleeping together.
Then there was the fact that my mother chose to tell us when we were struggling. Was this her efforts to open our eyes to what was at stake? I didn’t know about Kat, but I already knew what I wanted. There was no doubt in my mind that we’d get through this. My hardest struggle was having to wait it out. Perhaps this confession would bring us closer together. I was too in shock to consider anything else.
It was strange how after my mother left the room we sat there in silence. I couldn’t find the words to express my feelings. I didn’t want to overstep what Kat could be experiencing. She was the one who lost her parents. Mine were still fine.
Without saying a single word, she took my hand and led me into the bedroom. “Wait here,” she requested.
I don’t know where she went in those few minutes. I kept listening, wondering if she’d gone in to confront my mother some more. I half expected them to have words, but the house remained silent. When Kat came back in the room, I was still sitting on the bed with my hands on my knees. I kept my face narrowed on the floor because I was afraid to look in her eyes and witness her pain.
Kat got down on the floor and wedged herself between my legs. Our eyes met, and she reached up to wipe away a tear that was still lingering on my cheek.
“I’m so sorry about my mom, Kat. If I would have known-”
She put her finger up to my lips before I was able to finish what I wanted to tell her. “Shh, don’t talk about it. Just listen to what I have to say.”
“Do you know that there’s not one single day in my life that I can remember where I didn’t love you?”
I didn’t know where this was going, but so far it seemed like it was in the right direction. A hint of hope filled me as I listened.
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“I’m tired of fighting with you. I’m sick of all of it.” She paused for a second, and in that amount of time I felt confused again. Her explanation was all over the place. I was going to get whiplash if it continued this way. “What your Mom told us may be unbelievable, but I get why she did it. For the first time, I understand what she’s been trying to get through my hard head. It’s like I’m seeing clearly, finally. Brooks, if you don’t move all of your shit into this house soon, I’m going to go crazy. There’s no reason you’re still going to the base to change. B and I need you here. We can’t be a family unless you’re here with us, all the time. Your mom was right. I can’t change my past, and I shouldn’t ruin my future; our future. If it’s still okay, I’m ready to fall completely into this with you. I’ve been ready my whole life, but I was just too scared of losing you. I’m not afraid anymore, Brooks. I’m not worried of what tomorrow might bring because I know you’re going to be there. I know you’ll protect me and love me like you’ve done our whole lives. God, I’ve wasted so much time. Are you even listening to me? Do you still want this? Say something?”