Lost in La La Land(20)

“Oh my God.” My words were barely audible.

Her vacant, cold eyes darted around the room, making me wonder if she was on drugs or had actually escaped the mental ward. She itched her arm, scratching a scab, answering the question of drugs. “He’s a monster.”

“I know.”

Her dodgy eyes met mine and we shared a moment before she spoke, “You’re the only person I trust.”

“Why? What about your parents?”

“You were the first one to see him, to know what I’ve gone through. You know me better than anyone.”

“And I have the machine you’re addicted to.” I said it boldly, calling the spade in her pocket what it was. Because I was bold, even if I was tired.

The dead look in her eyes didn't change as the smile crept across her lips. “There’s that.”

“Was it you who rifled my apartment?” I scanned the area, careful not to leave her gaze for too long.

“No. I came after his men. They were here a week ago. I knew you wouldn't hide it here. You’re a genius. He underestimates you.” Her creepy grin remained. “Cocky arrogant men do that.”

“I can’t help you. The machine is ruining you.”

“The machine is saving me.” Her eyes lightened faintly. “It wasn't so hard for Marshall to convince the doctors I might have cut myself. Or that I might have wanted to kill myself.” She scoffed. “I would never cut myself—I hate blood, but the doctors don't know that. I did take something a few times, before.”

“You’ve tried to kill yourself before?” Jesus, did she lie through the entire questionnaire?

“Before I met you, I would check into a wellness center in Palm Springs every single spring. I hated watching everything coming back to life. All the things that had been dead with me all fall and winter, were reborn, leaving me behind. After the third time trying to die, I realized I couldn't spend spring with him. I needed something else. I went to the center in Palm Springs and stayed there, sitting in the rain room and taking antidepressants. I did that for years before I met you.”

“I had no idea.” Her depression rang true for me. In my own ways, I understood her sickness and hatred of spring.

“Of course you didn't. I made sure you didn't. The first time I went into your machine, I was looking for a miracle and I found it. I was cured; I felt alive for the first time again. At first it was me and Rhett and Ashley. We danced and had fun. Then one day, I saw Danny. He was watching me. We danced and laughed and he took me to his house, and we made love. I came out of there knowing that if I could get a small dose of it, I could get through whatever being married to my oaf of a husband could throw at me. I never took drugs again. I never took anything to hurt myself. I never went back to the center.”

“You made love?” I cringed outwardly. “How is that possible?” I hadn’t mentioned the no-penetration rule I had for the system. I didn't need to see people getting off more than they already did in the machine. Women weren’t necessarily the problem, but I still had a no-sex rule.

“I don’t know, we just did. It was magical.”

“What changed? What made you sad again? Every time you left in the last few months you looked sad.”

“The baby.” Her eyes sparkled, coming back to life. She smiled and was herself again, like the old her but dirty and filmy and still slightly tweaked out. “In there, in the machine . . .” She paused and tapped her head. “I was pregnant, but I would come out and it wasn't there.” She touched her belly. “I was just me again and the baby was gone.”

“Baby? Impossible.” I said that word too much around her. “You can’t change the storyline that much.”

“I did.” When her eyes met mine again they were clear. “I had a baby in me and a husband who loved me and a life. Yes, it was hard to leave every day, but I always went back.” She blinked and tears rained down her cheeks. “I told myself coming out of the machine was like going to work.”

She had found a way to manipulate the nanobots?

My brain did laps, trying to figure out how the story could change so drastically and how I could have missed such a large problem.

“Take me with you. Please.” She pled with her gaze.

I didn't know if it was the baby, or the fact I wanted to see how she did it, but I nodded. “Let me get some more things and money. There’s a place we can go.”

I should have told her no.

I should have regarded the insanity in her eyes.

I should have called the mental ward and reported her.

I never did do the things I should.





Chapter Nine


She was silent on the first train and the second.

I wasn't even certain she was breathing in the cab. She made no noise.

She was eerily quiet when we rolled into the small town a couple over from the one where my house was.

She didn't even ask a question when I got a second cab to take us to the next town over, or a third one to drop us two blocks from the house.

She didn't complain when we hiked the two blocks in the pouring rain or when I opened the old iron gates to the estate where we would be staying.

She walked up the driveway, eyes steady and face soft, without uttering a single word. I unlocked the gate and stepped up to the porch to open the front doors, swinging them wide. The house didn't gasp this time. It was ready for us.