Lost Along the Way(83)

“Meg! It’s so great to see you. It’s been forever, how are you?” Tracey asked. “I’m sorry to interrupt your lunch.”

“It’s no problem, it’s nice to see you, too. These are my friends Cara and Jane,” Meg said, silently praying that Tracey wouldn’t recognize Jane and make a scene. Tracey was the kind of woman who went out of her way to talk to you for the sole purpose of gossip or information gathering.

“Hi,” Jane said, as Cara nodded politely. Meg could tell by the somewhat defensive tone in Jane’s voice that while she’d never met Tracey before, she already knew her type. She watched as Jane pulled her back a little straighter.

“That over there,” Tracey said as she nodded toward her son, now crawling around on all fours under their table, “is Milo.”

“He’s a handful,” Meg said with a smile.

“Oh, he is! He’s just so extraordinary and filled with energy, you know?” Tracey said with pride, as if it were totally normal for her child to disrupt the entire restaurant despite the fact that he was small enough to fit into a garbage can. Meg had a pretty good feeling that the rest of the people in the restaurant were dreaming of actually throwing him into one.

Suddenly, Jane screeched and jerked her legs out from under the table. She grabbed her napkin off her lap and wiped her shin with it. “Did he just lick my leg? Why is he licking me?” Jane was disgusted and it was obvious.

“Oh, sorry about that, yeah. It’s a phase he’s going through. He’ll grow out of it. I think it’s adorable.”

“A phase? More like a fetish. You better hope he grows out of it before he turns sixteen. I’m sorry, but that’s not normal behavior,” Jane said, turning her legs sideways to place them out of reach of Milo’s serpentine tongue.

“I take it you don’t have children?” Tracey asked Jane, clearly more than a little annoyed by the criticism.

“Nope. Can’t say I’ve had the pleasure,” Jane shot back.

“What about you, Meg?” Tracey asked, finally grabbing Milo’s hand and forcing him up from under the table, probably because she was now concerned that Jane was going to “accidentally” kick him in the head. “I’m sure you’ll be chasing one of these around yourself pretty soon, huh? You guys are trying, right? You’ve been married for a while now and we’re not getting any younger!”

Meg’s mouth began to water as she fought back her nausea and forced herself to smile. Anyone with any sense at all would know that this particular topic of conversation was off-limits with even the closest of friends. Bringing it up with an acquaintance was inappropriate by any standard. “Well, I guess we’ll just see what—” Then, before she could finish her lie, Jane swooped in.

“I’m sorry, on what planet is it okay to interrogate someone about her personal life while she’s trying to have lunch?” Jane asked, looking at Tracey with contempt. “And while she’s with other people, no less? Is that what’s considered normal now? Cara, do you think that’s normal?”

“I think it’s horrible, actually.”

“Tasteless,” Jane said.

“‘Moronic’ is another word that comes to mind,” Cara added, falling right back into the rhythm of their old banter.

“I agree. It’s not at all normal to completely invade someone’s privacy for no reason other than that you’re a gossipy little troll with nothing better to do. Unless, of course, you’d like to have a real heart-to-heart, in which case please pull up a chair because I’d love to hear all about how long you had to try before you got knocked up with your little leg-licker over there. Months? A year? Did your husband shoot blanks the first couple of times before you finally decided to go to a clinic and get pregnant via turkey baster? Seriously, I’m curious . . . since we’re all sharing and apparently no topic is off-limits.”

Tracey stared at her, mouth agape, seemingly appalled by Jane’s outburst, until suddenly her demeanor changed. “Wait a minute, aren’t you Jane Logan?”

Cara and Meg froze.

“Oh God,” Meg sighed. This was actually going to get worse.

“You bet your ass I am,” Jane responded, indignant. Meg felt her heart ache knowing that while the last thing in the world Jane wanted was to be recognized, she was more concerned with protecting Meg than with protecting herself. “Do you have something you want to say to me? Maybe you want to get home and wash your kid’s mouth out with disinfectant or something, since his tongue was just all over Doug Logan’s wife’s leg. I hope being a criminal isn’t contagious or he’s screwed.” Jane turned to Milo and in her best baby voice said, “Can you say ‘juvenile detention,’ Milo?”

“What is wrong with you?” Tracey screamed as she grabbed Milo and left the restaurant, while Cara started to shake with laughter.

“I can’t believe you just said that to her. Even though she totally deserved it,” Cara said.

“Whatever. Let her run around the Hamptons gossiping about how I told her off in a restaurant for being a nosy pain in the ass. I’d much prefer she gossip about me than Meg’s reproductive organs anyway. Besides, she started it! God, the nerve of some people.”

“Thank you,” Meg said, still trying to process what had just happened. “Sadly, that’s not the first or even the hundredth time something like that has happened to me. I wish I had you around all the time, Jane. Thanks for making it go away.” She took a long sip of wine. “I never know how to handle those questions.”