Lost Along the Way(68)

“It’s worked all right for me so far.”

“One day it’s going to catch up with you,” Cara warned.

“I’ll worry about that day when it comes. Of course, I’ll be too busy enjoying myself to notice, soooo . . .”

A waiter appeared at the table with a bottle of champagne. “Excuse me, ladies, this was sent to you by someone named Steve. He says happy birthday to the most beautiful girl in the world. Which one of you is Meg?” he asked. Meg shyly raised her hand and blushed, knowing that the hags at the neighboring table were staring at her. “Shall I pour it?”

“Please do!” Jane said as the waiter placed crystal flutes on the table. “Maybe Steve sensed that we were talking about getting him laid and this is his way of saying thank you.”

“Stop it!” Cara said. She reached over and grabbed Meg’s hand. “I don’t know him very well, obviously, but he seems like a great guy. I can’t wait to get to know him better.”

“Me too,” Jane said. “To be honest, I’m a little jealous.”

“What, you want to lose your virginity again?” Cara teased.

“No! Are you crazy? My first time sucked,” Jane said. “I’m jealous that Meg has someone who treats her so well. I’ve dated a few guys, but everyone I meet at school is constantly looking over my shoulder to see if a prettier girl is going to walk into the party. No one has cared about me yet the way that Steve cares about Meg. What does it feel like?”

“What does what feel like?” Meg asked.

Jane paused, as if her question was even more embarrassing than the one Meg had asked. “What does it feel like to be in love?”

“I don’t know if I love him,” Meg admitted. “I think I do. But what if that’s not what this is? What if it’s just infatuation or something stupid? What if one day I look back on this and want to kick myself for buying into all of it?”

“You’re just a wimp. You don’t want to admit that you love him because then you’ll be afraid if he f*cks you over you’ll look stupid. You love him. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be taking birth control pills,” Jane said. “This champagne is good. We’re going to have to call someone to come pick us up. I don’t think any of us will be driving after this.”

“I know that he makes me happy. Every day when I wake up I can’t wait to see him. I want to call him in between every class. I want to sit on the couch and watch TV with him even if all my friends at school are going out. When my phone rings I get excited, even now. He brings me breakfast in the morning, and sometimes he writes little notes that he tucks in my wallet or in one of my notebooks. We can talk about anything. I don’t think I’ve ever been closer to anyone in my life. Well, except for you guys.”

“Of course. We don’t count,” Jane said. Her eyes were starting to glass over, the wine and champagne making her giddy.

“I think that sounds awesome,” Cara said. “It must make life so much nicer. You never have to worry about being alone.”

“But I do worry about that. I worry about him breaking up with me. I think I would die, you guys, I really do. I don’t know how I’d ever get over that.”

“Why do you think he’d break up with you?” Cara asked.

“Because he can do better than me,” she whispered. Cara and Jane seemed surprised to discover that Meg’s insecurities were still very much intact. She had everything: looks, brains, personality, and now, it seemed, a good guy who loved her, and still she couldn’t see it.

“Maybe he’s worried about you leaving him,” Cara said. “Did you ever think of that?”

“I’d never leave him. If things stay the way they are now, I think maybe we could get married. I swear I think we could. That’s another reason why I haven’t wanted to talk about this stuff. If we end up getting married I don’t want to betray him by talking too much about our private life, you know?”

No one spoke. When did they become old enough to even have this kind of conversation?

“Wow,” Jane said. “If you’re thinking of marrying him at some point after college, then you really should just sleep with him and get it over with.”

“You really think you might get married?” Cara asked, unable to hide the shock in her voice.

“Maybe, yeah. And I think that I’d regret saying too much to you about our relationship if we do. Does that make sense?”

“I guess it does,” Cara said.

“Not even a little bit,” Jane countered.

“Well, I’m sorry! You guys are just going to have to deal with the fact that I’m not going to share every detail where he’s concerned. There are some things that should be kept just between the two of us.”

“Then stop worrying about him leaving you and trust yourself!” Cara advised. “Though I have no idea what I’m talking about. I’m no expert.”

“And if that doesn’t work, just get really drunk. That always helps,” Jane said.

“Do you think it’s crazy to marry your college boyfriend?” Meg asked, looking for reassurance from the people whose opinions mattered the most.

“Not if he’s the right guy; what difference does it make? You meet him when you meet him. You’re not an idiot, you’ll know it if it’s right,” Cara said, though Meg wasn’t sure that she actually believed it.