Joshua Healy (The Mitchell/Healy Family #10)(8)

“I’m not,” I defend.

“You don’t believe me, that’s a given.”

I shrug. “It’s a nice theory, but I don’t see how a respectable woman would be able to live like that. We all want the fairytale. I don’t care what anyone says.”

“Your friend Liv doesn’t. There’s your example.”

I’m not shocked. Livvy is difficult. She’s crazy like that; beautiful and independent. Nothing stands in her way. I admire that about her, but distanced myself a long time ago because I couldn’t understand it. “Do you still talk to her?” I want to ask if they’ve screwed within the past couple years, but I’m not about to say it.

“It’s been a while.” Josh adjusts in his seat, flipping a music station on the television and filling the room with a light ambience of country music. “You really want to talk about who I’ve screwed?” His question embarrasses me. Do I want to hear about it? Have I become so desperate to avoid my problems that I want to dig into his past?

“Not really.”

He sits his third beer down on the table and stands, extending his hand to me. “This doesn’t have to be weird.”

“I’m not letting you take me to bed.”

He chuckles and shakes his head, but leaves his hand waiting for mine. “I’m a little more experienced than you give me credit. This isn’t about f*cking. Take my hand and I’ll prove it to you.”

What could go wrong? I’m already at my lowest. I sigh and let my hand slide into his. He pulls me to stand in front of him and stares at me, while his opposite hand rests on my hip. “Do I make you nervous?” He inquires.

When he’s looking at me like this it’s a definite. “Yes.”

He starts to smile, but lifts his hand and focuses on dragging it against the skin of my cheek. “Relax. Close your eyes and breathe. I’m not going to try anything. You have my word.”

“I’m finding it difficult to trust anyone at this point.”

He’s leading me somewhere, so I peek to make sure it’s not over a ledge where I’ll fall to my death. When we reach a window he lets go of his hold. “Open your eyes.”

I’m staring out into the dark night, a sky full of stars surround us. “It’s beautiful.”

“Close your eyes again and listen.”

I can still hear the music playing at a low decibel, but what’s clear is the critters outside, the crickets, and bullfrogs. It’s the sound of a country evening, away from people, city life, but mostly automobiles.

“This is where I come to clear my head.”

“It’s beautiful. Is that what everyone says when you come here?”

“I don’t bring chicks here, except for Liv and we sort of grew up together. Her brother has been my best friend since we were kids. In fact, he’s married to one of my sisters now, so he’s family.”

“Wow. Is that weird being around Livvy?”

“I told you. I don’t see her. We were never official. I’m not her type.”

A giggle escapes me. This guys is everyone’s type. He’s sexy as all hell, witty, and determined. He’s rough around the edges, which makes him more appealing to us women who love a challenge. “I highly doubt that.”

“Believe what you want. Liv and I are history, if we were ever anything at all.”

“You were her first. I know that much.”

His face shows amusement. His smile is almost ornery. “Yeah, that I was.”

“Was she yours?”

“You really want to know?”

I nod. “As long as we’re not talking about me it’s a good conversation.”

“Yeah, she was my first. It happened here on the ranch, but I won’t disclose the exact location. It was a lifetime ago. I might have been thirteen.”

“So she was twelve?”

He shrugs while I think about what I was doing at twelve years of age. I certainly wasn’t thinking about boys. “I was still playing with Barbie dolls at that age.”

This gets him going. “She might have been thirteen. I can’t remember. We were kids. I’m lucky I knew what to do, and it sure as hell wasn’t anything spectacular.”

I don’t know why this talk makes me feel like I’m getting to know him. It’s not exactly a normal conversation between two people who are supposed to be on a date. “My first time happened when I was sixteen. His name was Justin Timmons. He played varsity football our junior year. We went out for nine months before he gave me an ultimatum. I had to sleep with him or he was going to break up with me.”

“So you gave in?”

“Stupidly, I guess. I mean, I was ready. I wanted it to happen. I think I needed the push.”

“Losing your virginity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

I shrug again. “My first time was okay. He said he loved me. He was gentle, and I’d like to think I didn’t embarrass myself too much.”

He moves a long piece of hair away from my face, while staring deeply into my eyes again. I’m not used to men looking at me like this. It’s intimidating, like he’s peering into my soul, if that’s possible. “I’m sure you had him by the balls.”