Joshua Healy (The Mitchell/Healy Family #10)(7)

For four days I kept thinking our breakup was temporary, but now I worry if it’s permanent. I can’t imagine falling out of love with Shaun. He once promised me a forever and now it’s all gone. Our commitment is severed, leaving me in despair and completely alone.

I don’t want to start over. I certainly can’t see myself jumping right into another relationship, but for tonight I need this company. Without Joshua Healy to occupy my time, I’m afraid where I’ll end up.

He’s in this for the possibility of sex, and as much as I refuse him, a part of me wonders if his offer would actually work. Could he make me forget about everything I’m going through, even for a short period of time, because I’m lower than I’ve ever been, so the possibility of reprieve would be welcomed. I’m pathetic, desperate, but more to the point, I’m crushed.

Josh parks his truck next to a big red barn. He takes the bag he purchased from the liquor store and climbs from his side of the vehicle. In a matter of seconds he’s at my door, opening it and offering me his free hand to help me out. The little gesture causes me to smile. At least he has the decency to act right before trying to get into my pants. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” he says while starting to walk toward the dark building. The sun has now set, but the moon hasn’t risen enough for it to light up the sky, so I’m relying on him to guide me in the right direction.

“Are you taking me somewhere to kill me?” It’s not a serious question, but going into a vacant building with a stranger isn’t exactly a smart decision.

“Na. I’m too lazy to clean up a mess like that.” We enter in a normal sized door on the side, and when a light flickers on I notice it’s set up more as an entertaining area than for farm use. He points to a set of wooden framed stairs and proceeds to climb them. I follow behind, coming up into a more suitable area to hang out. Two couches face one another. There’s a TV on a stand against the only window, and a couple fans standing on either side. He turns them on first and then the television before sitting on a sofa and digging into the brown paper bag. I take the seat across from him and watch as he cracks open a beer and pushes it across the coffee table in front of me. “When you said you were taking me to the ranch I imagined your house.”

“There’s too many people there.”

“Oh, so you live with your parents?”

“Yep. Is that a turnoff?”

“No. I’m not here because I’m interested, remember?”

“You don’t need to keep reminding me.”

“So,” I look around while trying to think of something we can talk about. Luckily he takes the lead.

“You think you’ll get back with Shaun?”

Suddenly I realize he knows my ex. “Why didn’t you tell me you were friends?”

He’s already finishing his first beer before responding. “We’re not. Small town. His parents and mine attend the same church, end of story.”

“I wonder if he recognized you?”

He raises his eyebrows. “Perhaps.”

For some reason this pleases me. I don’t want to be the pathetic girlfriend he destroyed. I want to come out of this looking strong, at least from the outside. A half smile forms as I think about what Shaun would feel if he knew I was with Josh. Would he feel threatened? Would he regret everything? Do I even want him to?

I guzzle my full beer, hoping to catch a fast buzz to make this awkwardness a bit easier to handle. The man sitting across from me leans forward and takes me in. I feel uncomfortable. Not only have I not dated for years, but I’ve never been alone with a man I hardly know. “You must think I’m a mess.” I try to fix my face and run one hand over my hair, knowing how bad of shape I’m in. “I’m usually more put together.”

“When I saw you walking in my direction earlier today, I thought you looked like you belonged on a cover of a magazine.”

“And now?” I hate asking, in fear of what he may say.

“And now I think you’re just as pretty. You don’t need to cake that shit on your face. You’re cute the way you are.”

“Really?” I’m unsure if he’s hitting on me or being genuine. “You probably say that to all the girls you bring here.”

He shrugs, proceeded by a cackle. “Think what you want. I never said I was a saint.”

“What about you, Josh? Ever cheated?”

He leans forward, exuding confidence as he does it. “Never needed to.”

“How is that?”

“I don’t put labels on my relationships.”

“So, you just screw around all the time?”

“I should have known you’d take it that way.” It’s like he’s making fun of my assumption. It aggravates me.

“How should I take it?”

“To each his own, I suppose. I don’t like the drama, so I tend to avoid it. I prefer the company of a woman without strings; two people enjoying one another without a commitment. You might say I’m horrible, but think about it, no one is ever going to hurt me, and I won’t hurt them. It’s a win win.”

“But how many women think like you?” I’m actually wondering if it’s possible.

“You’d be surprised.” He snickers, displaying a set of matching dimples on either side of his cheeks. They’re hard to make out under the patches of facial hair. As I focus on his features, I watch him lick his lips before taking another swig of beer. He finishes his second and crushes the can before tossing it directly into a nearby wastebasket. “Don’t tell me you’re some kind of prude.”