Jingle all the Mitchell Way: a holiday novella(27)
“Nope,” she agreed. “If he takes off his clothes I’m going to kill him.”
“He’s probably going to.”
“Yeah, I know.”
All of a sudden the lights went out, only one remaining on the couple. All eyes tuned to them, everyone preparing for what could only be described as a unforgettable moment.
It wasn’t a secret that Jax and Amber could dance. Aside from being a stripper, Amber had been dancing her whole life. Jax just had good rhythm and could always find it easy to pick up on moves as he went. It was obvious they’d practice this routine. From the moment they began it was choreographed.
The music, a raunchy song from the nineties about licking someone up and down played loudly, Jax and Amber moving to the beat, depicting sexual innuendos as they went. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cringe. It was hard to watch, especially when Jax started doing a solo shimmy. As soon as he leaned forward I knew the pants were removable. Call it twin intuition, or just the ability to predict what my idiot brother was about to do, but I was certain the clothes were definitely coming off. He’d obviously changed, putting on a pair of Velcro-lined pants. The second he tugged, they split open, falling to the floor and he spun around, shaking his ass for all to see. Instead of boxers, he had on a pair of women’s panties, displaying the words ‘Just Married’ on the rear.
“Those are mine,” Reese admitted. “Oh my god I’m going to kill him.”
I scanned the audience, seeing many holding up their phones to capture pictures and video of the whole ordeal. Some people were clapping, even whistling. Then, when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, my parents joined them, grinding their bodies together like they were about to get it on.
I had two choices.
I could put a stop to the madness, or I could embrace that this was my family, and no matter how crazy they were, I would always be a part of it. I chose the latter, mostly because I didn’t want to be the only one not making a fool out of myself. I pulled Reese out onto the dance floor, shaking my hips to the beat, and pulling her in for a chaste kiss. “Welcome to the family, baby.”
Reese laughed so hard I thought she was going to fall back. It was all the proof needed to know she was right where she belonged.
Chapter 13
Jake
After spending a week in a hotel with Reese, we were back on the road to head to the last filming destination for the movie. Jax had ended up taking the girls on set each day with the help from my parents, who’d stuck around several more days to lend an extra hand. I think it was good for Reese to get the support, and Jax certainly needed help when it came to the girls.
Our first night back on the road was uneventful, up until Jax came walking out of the bathroom with a problematic look on his face. “We’ve got an issue.”
“What? Can’t get it up?” I teased.
“There is something wrong with the shitter. I think it’s full or something.”
Since I knew nothing about campers, I wasn’t aware of what to do, in fact, I hadn’t even considered it would become filled. I don’t know how something like that would slip my mind. Obviously the waste had to go somewhere.
I located the user manual and began to read, while Jax searched the internet about what to do. “It says there is a holding tank. It needs to be emptied. We should probably figure out how to do it, because it smells like gas fumes in there.”
We were parked at a rest stop, halfway to Colorado. There weren’t hookups for waste disposal around to use. I couldn’t exactly do it in the parking lot, so I came up with the best idea I could think of. “What if we pull back out on the road and let it drain slowly?”
“You want to dump our shit on the road?”
“Jake, that’s a terrible idea,” Reese warned.
“Do you want to have the thing overflowing everywhere? It’s dark out. Nobody will know. When it rains the waste will get washed away. It’s not a big deal.”
“I want no part of this,” Reese exclaimed.
“Me either,” Amber agreed.
I looked at my brother, who I knew was already on board. “Let’s get it done while the twins are asleep.”
After figuring out how to open the holding tank, Jax stood right where the waste began pouring out, getting it all over his feet. We rushed inside the RV and started driving down the dark highway. Since we weren’t sure how long it would take, I drove for several miles, finally turning around to head back to the rest stop and park in another spot so we didn’t get blamed for the shit all over the ground.
Right before pulling into the parking lot we saw the lights of a police car getting closer.
“Fuck! This can’t be happening.”
“Calm down. Just play stupid. We’ll tell them we didn’t know the waste chamber was open. It’ll be fine.”
The officer approached the vehicle at the entrance, instead of the driver’s side window. I opened the door, seeing his flashlight shining brightly in my eyes. “I need everyone in this vehicle to step outside. Bring your identification and the registration for the motorhome.”
“There are two sleeping children in safety seats. Can they stay?” Amber inquired.
“Yes. All adults need to vacate the vehicle.”
The four of us stepped outside, immediately taken back by the smell of feces. The girls covered their noses, while Jax and I stood like nothing was bothering us.