If I Was Your Girl(48)

“I’m also a Scorpio!” I said, giving her a cheesy grin.

“Don’t sass me,” Layla said, but then paused and added, “Wait, really? Your birthday must be soon.”

“You guys know astrology’s a form of witchcraft, right?” Anna said, frowning.

“Anna,” Layla said, “I love you, but shush.” She closed her eyes, took a breath, and resumed. “Chloe, the words I want you to keep in mind are ‘earth tones.’ Stick to greens and browns. You can maybe get away with a blue or a red, but it has to be really muted.”

“You can mute colors?” Chloe said.

Layla sighed and turned her attention to Anna next. “Anna, I want you to bring me anything in sort of a light purple—lavender, fuchsia, mauve, you get the idea.” Anna nodded seriously and strode off on her tiny legs to begin her quest. “And Amanda, you’re looking for jewel tones and sunset colors. Deep sunset colors. Does that make sense?”

“Got it, Coach!” I barked before turning and jogging off into the racks.

“What did I say about sass?” she called after me.

Ten minutes later I arrived at the dressing rooms with a half dozen options draped over my arm. Chloe shuffled out of one of the stalls looking miserable, swapping a pile of brown and green dresses for another dozen.

I entered a stall adjacent to Chloe’s. She just groaned. I stuck my tongue out at an orange dress that had seemed promising on the rack but made me look like a traffic cone.

We were quiet for a moment, me intent on what I was doing and Chloe probably wishing it were spring so she could wear a softball uniform instead. Then she said, “Where were you last weekend? We missed you.”

“Last weekend?” I said, my voice cracking a little. I froze in the middle of picking up my last hope—a purple dress with a dramatic cowl neck. “A friend from Atlanta came into town and we hung out…” I paused. I didn’t want to lie to her. “With Bee.”

“Oh,” Chloe said flatly. The purple dress was gorgeous, but somehow I didn’t feel as excited anymore.

“Chloe—” I began, but she cut me short.

“Don’t,” she said. “It’s fine.”

“Chloe, wait,” I said as I hurriedly put the dresses back on their hangers and left the dressing room. “I’m Bee’s friend too—I have been since before I knew you two were a thing.”

“Whatever,” Chloe said, emerging from her dressing room. “She likes you, you know.”

“What?” I said. “We’re friends.”

“As more than friends,” Chloe said flatly.

“C’mon, Chloe,” I said, shaking my head. “She knows I’m straight.”

“I’ve had crushes on straight girls,” Chloe mumbled, her voice low enough that it was hard to hear.

“Just … no,” I said, shaking my head to dispel the thought. “We’re just friends, Chloe. And we were just hanging out. It didn’t occur to me it would hurt you at the time,” I said.

“Well, it did.” She looked so lonely all of a sudden, standing there under the fluorescent light, next to that pile of rumpled dresses. I moved toward her, wanting to hug her but unsure if she would let me, when Layla rounded the corner, hangers dangling from her hands.

“Whoa!” she cried, grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the mirror, taking in the purple dress. “Spin,” she ordered, and I obliged.

“Does the cowl neck make my shoulders look too big?” I asked as I came to a stop. I gazed at my profile in the mirror, grateful to have somewhere to look other than Chloe’s hurt gaze.

“No, it minimizes the shoulders,” Layla said with an eye-roll, but she was smiling. “Honestly, it’s like starting from scratch with you two. I ought to teach a class called ‘How to Be a Girl.’” She grabbed my discarded dresses to return them, and Chloe retreated back into her dressing room.

I stood there for a moment, staring at the closed door, Layla’s words ringing in my ears. I had never been good at being a boy, and I didn’t enjoy it very much, but there were parts to it that made a certain kind of sense—when boys were angry, they showed it with their fists, and then it was done. With girls, I knew, it was different. I had hurt Chloe without even realizing it, and unlike a bruise, it would take more than a few days to go away.





24

“Happy birthday!” Layla grinned and waved from the booth she shared with Chloe a few days later.

“Thanks,” I said as I sat down next to Chloe. She offered me a small smile. We still hadn’t talked much since our fight in the dressing room, but it felt like the hurt was fading. Eventually, I hoped, there would be no sign it had been there at all.

“So how’s it feel being eighteen?” Anna asked. I froze, remembering that they didn’t know about my year off. I’d already been eighteen a year, but there was no way to explain the truth. It was strange to have such normal friendships for the first time, but still have so many secrets.

“Yeah,” Layla said. “Have you bought cigarettes yet?”

“I don’t smoke,” I said with a shrug, my stomach twisting from yet another half-truth. Smoking cigarettes on my hormones could cause fatal blood clots, but I couldn’t tell them about that either.