If I Was Your Girl(47)

“What for?”

“Bein’ a dick at that party, like a million years ago,” he said, looking away again. “I was feelin’ … shit, it don’t matter how I felt. I’m just sorry.”

“Oh,” I said, cocking my head, surprised. “Thank you.”

“It ain’t … you’re welcome.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I wondered what could possibly be on his mind. “Can I walk you to class?”

“Sure,” I said, and we fell into step beside each other. He walked beside me in silence for a while, the struggle to say something clear on his features.

“I got a question,” he said eventually.

“Shoot.”

“What’s wrong with me?” Parker said, his voice strangely soft.

“I don’t understand,” I said.

“What’s Grant got that I don’t?”

“Ohhhhh.” I chewed my lip and looked down at my feet. “I’m not sure I know how to answer that, Parker.”

“Was it just ’cause he was the first one to talk to you?” Parker asked earnestly. I shrugged and gave him as tender a look as I could. “How come girls don’t like me? How come you don’t like me?”

“Me and Grant just clicked,” I said, “and me and you just … didn’t. I don’t know how else to explain it.” We reached my classroom, and I leaned on the wall to face him. He was still staring straight ahead, and I could see a muscle working in his jaw. “Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” he said eventually. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“This is me,” I said, pointing to the chemistry lab I was officially late to now. Parker put his hands in his pockets and started to walk away. “Parker?” I said. He turned, both eyebrows raised. “I’m glad we talked.”

He gave me a small smile and nodded before turning away.





23

It was time to find a dress.

I had never bought a dress for homecoming before, of course, and when I suggested we just buy something from Walmart, the very idea nearly drove Layla to hysterics. She insisted that we order our dresses from some website based out of New York she used for all of hers, but it was way too expensive. As a compromise, we drove half an hour southeast to the nearest mall and ventured into JCPenney.

Layla wore a pea coat and opaque Jackie-O glasses, as if afraid someone might see her and undermine her fashionista cred. The rest of us, anticipating a lot of time spent in dressing rooms, had stuck to zip-up hoodies and jeans.

“Let’s get something to eat,” I announced as we passed through the food court.

“Okay,” Layla said grudgingly, “but don’t overdo it. And nothing salty! If you get all bloated the dresses won’t fit right and you’ll end up looking frumpy at homecoming.”

“Say it ain’t so,” Chloe said, pulling out a chair next to me.

“I’ve been waiting eight years to get you in a dress,” Layla said, locking her gaze on Chloe determinedly. “You’re in my world now.”

“Whatever,” Chloe replied. “I want Taco Bell.”

“I said no salt!” Layla yelled, hurrying after her as she left to get our food.

“You okay?” Anna chirped as she sat across from me.

“Uh, yeah,” I said, taking two deep breaths and forcing a smile. This was the first time I had been in a mall since that day in the bathroom, and I was trying not to think about it. “I’m really excited, actually.” It wasn’t a lie, really; I was with my girlfriends, shopping for a dress for an actual dance with my actual boyfriend. I had been excited all the way there, and I would probably be excited again once we were in the store. “You?”

“A little nervous,” she said, twisting her fingers in her shimmering curtain of hair and pinching her mouth in worry.

“Your parents?”

“Yeah,” Anna said. “I’ve been skipping lunch for a year, saving the money they give me without them knowing. I feel really bad for lying.”

I wanted to say, Your parents are jerks and they don’t deserve you, but what I said instead was, “You’re practically eighteen, and it’s just a dress.”

“It’s not, though. You should hear what they say about Layla for wearing clothes that, like, show her collarbones.” Anna buried her face in her hands and groaned. “This is a mistake. What if they find the dress before homecoming?”

“It’s not a mistake,” I said. “It’s your life and it’s your body. Dress it however you want.” I caught Chloe coming back with a bag of tacos, Layla following with her shoulders sagging in defeat, and smiled. “And you can keep the dress at my apartment until homecoming.”

“Thank you,” Anna said with a grateful smile.

“It is literally the least I could do,” I said before Chloe and Layla sat down and three out of the four of us dug into our delicious sodium-filled tacos.

*

“Okay, listen,” Layla said, pulling us into a huddle in the middle of the women’s section. “This is a huge oversimplification but, no offense, I’m starting from square one with you guys. Amanda is a spring, Chloe is an autumn, and Anna, you’re a summer.”