I Stand Before You (Judge Me Not #2)(46)

“It’s a date, then,” Chase says as he offers me a rather stunning smile.

I wonder if he’s serious. Is this really a date? Maybe. I hope so.

I don’t know what I’m looking for exactly, but I hope to find it tonight. Just a sign, something tangible, I suppose would be nice. Something to let me know this thing between me and Chase has potential, and that it’s definitely not one-sided.

I’m nervous, in an excited kind of way, the rest of the afternoon. Whatever the outcome, this is a step forward in our friendship. Our interactions so far have been limited to the church grounds and the few surrounding blocks. Tonight, though, in Chase’s home, I may finally get an answer to the question that’s burning me up inside: Does Chase Gartner like me the way I like him…romantically?





Chapter Five


Chase


Maybe I am deluding myself, but it seems this friendship thing is really working. I’ve successfully kept feelings that confuse me—feelings that have me all twisted up inside—under wraps. Consequently, I can proudly state that Kay Stanton is the first female friend I’ve ever had. In fact, surprisingly, she’s turning out to be the best friend I’ve ever had as well.

I like how free and easy it is to talk to her. My girl is incredible like that. Sometimes I feel so comfortable I even find myself telling her way more than I originally intended, I get that lost in the sharing of my stories. It’s never been that way before with anyone else, only with Kay. Maybe it’s because sweet girl is such a good listener?

Nah, I think it’s something more.

I have to admit my feelings for Kay are like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

Nothing, ever.

I want her, of course. What man wouldn’t? Kay is sexy and beautiful, very desirable, very f*ckable. But it’s more than just some physical thing. I want to be around her all the time. And I actually care about what she thinks, about me, about life, about this crazy f*cking world we live in. I guess I just want to know what she thinks about everything.

In addition, I like to see Kay happy. In fact, nothing pleases me more. That’s why I tease and play so much when I’m around her, that shit never fails to make my girl smile wide and true. And when Kay smiles at me—in that way only she can do—I know…I just f*cking know…she likes me more than just a friend.

Actually, I’m pretty certain Kay is looking for a sign that I feel the same way. I do, obviously, but I can’t tell her. Maybe Kay doesn’t realize she’s too good for the likes of me. She sees only the best parts of me, and if I could be that way all the time, then maybe. But I don’t know if such a thing is possible. I’m sure I’ll f*ck things up somewhere along the line. I almost always do with the people I care about.

These are my thoughts as I nervously get ready for our “date” tonight. Shit, I don’t know what this is we’re even doing this evening. I called it a date earlier, but I was just f*cking around. I think.

Whatever.

I glance around my bedroom. There are some clothes strewn on the floor, so I gather those jeans and tees up now. After I set aside a pile of laundry, I turn to check out the clock on the bedside table.

Fuck, it’s after five, Kay will be here soon.

I hurriedly shower and go back to my room. I tug on a clean pair of jeans and one of those nice button-down shirts from my mother. I glance in the mirror above the dresser while I roll dark blue sleeves up to my elbows. I guess I look okay. All I know is that I want to look nice for Kay. Not that this movie night is a date or anything, I remind myself.

After I’m ready, I get to work on cleaning and straightening up around the house. It’s not that I’m exceptionally messy, but I am a guy and sometimes it takes me a while to get around to picking things up, especially clothes. Leave it where it falls is my standard motto. But I get things in order now. I throw a load of laundry into the washer, vacuum the area rugs in the dining room and living room, dust the stand the TV is on, and straighten three forest-green throw pillows that reside on a snow-white couch. I shake my head. Gram and her love of light colors. Thank God I’ve never spilled anything when watching TV in here. I wouldn’t want Kay to think I’m a complete slob.

The record albums I brought down from the attic a few weeks ago are still scattered across the coffee table. I was listening to one in particular a day or so ago. It’s still on the turntable of Gram’s old record player, so I go over and retrieve it. When I place the vinyl back into the colorful seventies-era cover with the big spaceship, I have to laugh. There’s one song on this record that perfectly captures my situation with Kay.

Yeah, if only I could find that man, sweet girl.

With a resigned sigh, I stack the albums together and slide them onto the shelf beneath the coffee table. Then, I take a look around. All in all, the place looks damn f*cking good. I run my fingers through my hair. What next? The house is clean and I’m dressed and ready. I look down. My feet are bare, but I don’t think Kay will mind.

Kay…

My feelings for her are so screwed up, but I can’t get her out of my head. If she were any other girl, I’d just bang her and get her out of my system. Then, I’d probably move on. But she’s not any other girl, she’s Kay, she’s my Kay. And though I’d love to bang my Kay—sweet and slow, hard and fast, any way she’d want it—I sure as hell don’t have any desire to move on afterward. Far from it, in fact.