I Stand Before You (Judge Me Not #2)(109)

I don’t doubt him, and sure enough a few minutes later Chase is hard and back inside me—body, heart, and soul.




When we wake the next morning, things are subdued. Chase is hung over, and I’m back to thinking about my mother and all she told me yesterday evening.

My boy and I are wrapped up together in the covers, facing each other as I finally share with him all that happened the night before. When I get to the part about Doug leaving the patio door unlocked, Chase’s expression darkens. His body tenses so much I fear he’s about to dart from the bed and track down my ex, which wouldn’t be too difficult since he’s probably still at the hospital with his mother.

I caress my boy’s arm and try to get him to relax. “Just forget it, Chase. I don’t want to dwell on this. I don’t want to waste any more time blaming and hating.” I pause. “I’ve been thinking. Life’s too short, and Sarah wouldn’t want us taking our pain out on each other. My mother’s done that long enough for all of us. I think we should let it go.”

He calms and assures me he’ll leave Doug alone. But something in his blues—which are darker than I’ve ever seen them before—tells me if those two ever run into each other… I can’t even think about it, but I do spare a second to imagine the look on Doug’s face when he sees Chase coming at him.

I smile, but only briefly, because Chase is saying, “You should have told me it was the anniversary of the day Sarah died. I would have worked something out with Will. We could have changed the ticket.” A beat passes. “Not that it matters, since he didn’t show up anyway. But still.” Chase sighs, and adds, “I do feel bad, though, for not coming straight home.”

I touch the rough stubble on his cheek. “Don’t feel bad, Chase. You didn’t know. And you’re right, I should have told you. From here on out I’m telling you everything, no matter how big or small. And I want your opinions on all of it too.”

My sweet guy is listening intently. He pushes hair that’s fallen to my cheek back into place, and says, “Speaking of opinions, how do you feel about your mother? Are you going to give her a chance?”

I can’t really read how Chase feels about last night’s unexpected reunion, but I know for a fact he’s not a big fan of my mother, seeing as how she hurt me so deeply, and for so long. So it’s with caution that I ask, “What do you think I should do?”

“I think you should do what your heart tells you.”

I sigh, roll to my back, and stare at the ceiling. “I can’t just instantly forgive her for turning her back on me, but…I think I might want to try. Maybe over time we can reach an understanding.”

Chase draws me back to him and kisses me on the cheek. “Then that’s what you should do. You know I’m with you on whatever you decide. I’ll stand behind any decision you make.”

And this I know, I know Chase Gartner—my Chase Gartner—will always have my back.

Maybe I sensed this potential in him the day we met in the church parking lot, maybe I knew Chase was my destiny the minute his hands touched me, steadied me, kept me right. My boy was upfront with me from the start, calling me on my bullshit and asking me if I’d give him a chance, a real chance. And I did.

In doing so, I learned how to start taking chances of my own. And look at what I gained—I gained a best friend, a lover, and a future. Who knows where this love will take us. This love that has blossomed over lunches at a diner, this love that was nurtured by two broken people opening up to one another, sharing their fears, their hopes, their disappointments, and their dreams.

But this love isn’t all serious moments. It’s playfulness and fun too. This love is stolen hair ties and stolen lemon-lime sodas, hiked-up dresses, and first kisses by lockers. From mended cheap sunglasses, to mended priceless hearts, this love is healing. It’s also daring to open up, finding the joy in laying souls bared. And forgiving, always forgiving. Whether it is forgiveness found dancing under the stars, or forgiveness found in confessing to inked angels, this love fosters forgiving.

The love I share with Chase is good and bad. It’s real life, from sunset picnics on rooftops, from baguettes and brie, from making love under the Eiffel Tower…all the way to secrets kept to secrets revealed, to red balloons lost, magic found, tripping and falling, and picking each other back up. Because when Chase and I fall we will always be there to catch one another, like that day in the parking lot—the beginning.

This love is full circle. It will only end when last breaths are taken.

Chase and I are in this for the long haul. I’ve stood before him and he’s stood before me. And this is what it’s all come down to: Chase Gartner is my future, my forever. And I, I am his.





Epilogue:

Lead in to Never Doubt Me

(Judge Me Not #2)

Chase

On Sunday after church Kay and I walk back to the cemetery, together. We kneel at her sister’s grave.

Sarah Stanton.

I hold the love of my life’s hand as she recites three things about her little sister she will never forget. “One, you always had to have Hello Kitty Band-Aids on your cuts and scratches,” Kay begins.

My girl takes a breath and glances at me. I take her hand, squeeze reassuringly.

She focuses back on the granite marker and continues, “Two, when we had our little tea parties you always wanted the tiniest cup, the one with the chip in the china.” Kay sighs and murmurs, “I don’t know why.”