How It Feels to Fly(32)

“You’re shattering my illusions.” Andrew shakes his head. “But I maintain that you do not stink. Not right now, anyway.”

“Aww, thanks.” I try to think of a silly compliment to give him in return. “You know, I think the ropes-course look works for you. Helmet and all.”

He laughs. “You don’t look half bad yourself.”

The hummingbird in my chest is back. After the Hershey’s Kiss last night . . . this is totally flirting, right? He’s flirting with me, and I’m flirting back.

Which is ridiculous. You’re ridiculous.

You just got dumped, remember? And Andrew’s too old for you. He’s basically your camp counselor. It’s his job to act like he likes you.

Plus, there’s no way someone as cute as him would flirt with someone like you.

No way—

“What’s wrong?” Andrew asks. “You’re frowning.”

“Nothing. Sun in my eyes,” I say quickly, shading my face with my hand. Luckily, he leaves it at that.

We maneuver through a few more obstacles as a group before we reach the side-by-side balance beams. They’re just far enough apart for two people to walk on them with arms outstretched.

I look at Katie. She’s gone completely ashen.

“So all you have to do before you get to zip-line down,” the ropes-course facilitator says, “is walk across these beams to that platform, holding hands with a partner. Who’s first?”

Dominic steps up. “I’ll go. Get it over with.”

Zoe joins him. “Me too.” She looks back at Katie and then says to Andrew, “You’re not seriously going to make her do this, are you?”

“Katie doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to,” Andrew says. “Katie, let me know if you want to get down a different way.”

“Okay,” Katie says softly. “But I think I can do it.” She looks determined. Also like she’s about to puke. And I notice her hand rhythmically tapping her thigh.

On impulse, I reach out and grab her other hand. “I’ll go with you, okay?”

Andrew hooks up Dominic’s and Zoe’s harnesses to the cables. When they’re both secure, they step out onto the beams. Zoe immediately lets out a stream of curse words. “This thing moves!” she yells.

“It moves?” I look closer and see that the beams aren’t nailed to the platforms; they’re connected by thick chains. With each step forward, Dominic and Zoe cause the beams to wobble from side to side. Dominic walks slowly and stiffly. I want to tell him to loosen up—that’s the key to finding a tough balance. Not being a solid block of wood, but letting different small muscles take over. Adapting.

When they make it to the other side and step off the beams onto the platform, I see Dominic’s tension melt away. Zoe, meanwhile, is jumping up and down. “Yes!” she shouts. “That was awesome!”

Katie’s palm is sweaty, but I don’t let go. She’s started counting under her breath. “One two three four. One two three four.”

Jenna and Omar make the crossing. “And last but not least,” Andrew says. He takes Katie by both shoulders, looking her right in the eyes. “Are you sure?” he asks. “I can cross with Sam. You can go down with Yasmin and wait with Dr. Lancaster at the end of the zip line.”

Katie nods her head. It’s small, almost imperceptible.

“We can do this,” I tell her. “Just don’t look down.”

“We have to”—she gulps—“we have to take four steps up to the beam. And then we have to breathe in and out four times. Dr. Lancaster said I could if I needed to. Just this once.”

We take four steps forward. We breathe in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out. Katie’s grip on my hand tightens. It hurts a little, but no way am I going to ask her to let go.

She’s where I was yesterday, staring at my swimsuit-clad body in the mirror. I see it in her eyes. She’s walking that mental tightrope, millimeters from falling apart.

We move forward. One step. Two steps. And I immediately understand why Dominic became a block of wood and why Zoe was cursing. We’re a good twenty feet off the ground, and the beam is anything but steady. I know we’re strapped to cables—there’s no way we can fall—but I still feel unsupported. Unsafe.

If that’s how I’m feeling, I can’t imagine how Katie is feeling.

I peel my eyes away from the beam in front of me to look at her. She has tears rolling down her face. Her shoulders are shaking. Silent sobs are hitching her chest up and down. She takes another step and then stops.

“Katie?”

“I can’t.”

“You can. I know you can.”

Katie shakes her head. “I can’t. I can’t. I need to get down. I have to get down.” Her breath is coming faster. Her fingers feel like ice. “I have to get down. Please!”

“It’s just a few more steps, and then we’ll get down, okay?”

“I have to get down now!”

“Come on, Katie!” Yasmin shouts. “You’ve got this!” Everyone else joins in. “We’re here for you! Go, Katie, go!”

Their voices sound really far away. I feel like Katie and I are in a bubble.

I rotate my body, slowly, to face Katie head-on. “Katie. Look at me.” I hold out my other hand.