Hold My Breath(89)

She curls my hands into fists this time, pulling them to her lips and kissing my knuckles on each side. I smile at her softly.

“I don’t think this is quite the same, but I appreciate your faith,” I say, splaying my fingers on either side of her face as I lean in and kiss the top of her head. My eyes scan above her as I do, and I see my uncle pushing open the main glass door. I lean back and my gaze falls to Maddy’s, and she turns where she sits to follow my sightline beyond her.

“I guess it’s show time,” she says.

“Time to reveal the man behind the curtain,” I say.

I stand as Maddy does, but I pass her, not wanting to put the burden of this awkward introduction on her. I catch Susan’s gaze from across the room, and wave her over, knowing she’ll find Curtis.

“How are you feeling?” I ask Tanya. Her features haven’t changed much, other than a little noticeable weight loss in her face.

“I’m good, Will. Your uncle has been very helpful,” she says. I kiss her head, and when I feel her back I can tell that her body has lost more weight than is evident in her face. Her shoulders are more frail, and the muscle tone she had only weeks ago in her back is dwindling.

“I’m glad. Did you all find a place?” I ask, looking from her to Duncan.

“We found a good two-bedroom near the hospital where we can pay month-to-month,” she says, no celebration. Month-to-month means that at some point that lease will cease to be necessary. I nod in response, not wanting to say anything about this is positive or good. It’s just essential, and I leave it at that.

I feel Maddy at my side again, her hand working its way into that familiar place of strength, and I ready myself for whatever will be.

“Deep breath,” she whisper’s in my ear, and I turn, one part of my family behind me, and the other standing before me.

Both Curtis and Susan are trying not to stare, but Dylan is hard not to look at. He’s trying to communicate, but his sounds come out in hoots, and his curled hands fight to wave and clap. Tanya holds on to his chair behind him, both to stand as one with her son and to steady herself.

“Susan, Curtis…I wanted you to meet my family,” I say, my choice of words getting a bit of a flinch from Curtis and fast blinking eyes from Susan.

“Oh, I didn’t know you had more than Duncan, Will. I’m so glad they could make it,” Susan says, her mouth pinched at the sides trying to put this picture in order as she turns to shake Tanya’s hand. I don’t mean to time it like this, but the second they touch, I fill in the blanks.

“Dylan is my nephew, and Tanya is his mother,” I say. Susan’s head swivels toward me, her hand now grasping Tanya’s, but her movement stilled. “She’s…she’s like a sister to me,” I add, lowering my head slightly and looking at Susan with a raised brow.

Our eyes connect, and I watch the pieces fall in place for her, every stage shifting quickly—from shock to betrayal, and from anger to pity, and eventually that heartbreaking place where we all end up when we realize everything Evan missed and how hard it has been on those he left behind.

“Tanya,” Susan swallows, her eyes trailing back to our guests. “It is…I’m sorry,” she stammers, reaching up with her other hand to rub away the emotion threatening to unravel in her eyes. “You’ll have to forgive me, but this is a surprise to me.”

“I know. I can assure you that it is for me, too,” Tanya says, her expression soft and honest as her eyes flit to Maddy. She glances to me next, and I nod, encouraging her on, and Maddy squeezes my palm, wrapping her other hand around my bicep.

“So this young man, he’s…” Susan begins.

“Evan’s,” Maddy fills in, her voice breaking at the mention of my brother’s name. That small emotion she just emitted hurts, but I remind myself that she hasn’t known about Dylan for long, and as much as I know she’s mine, she was also Evan’s for a long time. Betrayal hurts regardless.

Susan’s bottom lip puffs out, but she sucks it in quickly, holding onto that quivering urge.

“I see,” she swallows.

“Evan’s,” Curtis repeats, standing behind his wife, his hands on her shoulders. I wait for him to look me in the eyes, and when he finally does, I nod.

“Dylan, can you say nice to meet you?” Tanya encourages. My nephew makes a few sounds, and with Tanya’s lead, it’s possible to recognize the sounds Dylan makes to be the words she asked for.

He reaches his hand forward, and without hesitation, Susan takes it between both of hers. I watch her body shudder at the contact, like touching something important and discovering it’s real for the very first time. This is how my heart reacts to Maddy.

“Dylan, you look so very much like your father,” Susan smiles, and I can’t help but follow suit. There are so many things that she could have said, but none of that matters to Dylan, or Tanya. My resentments, the heartbreak Susan and Curtis feel on their daughter’s behalf, the betrayal that must eat away at Maddy—it’s all real, all valid, and we recognize it. But just not here—not in front of the innocents.

“He really does,” Maddy says, echoing her mother’s words.

Curtis nods in agreement behind his wife, and his eyes slide to mine with a new layer of understanding behind them.