Hold My Breath(88)

“Maddy, there’s a reason Tanya lives far away from her parents, why she doesn’t accept their help. They’re terrible people, and Dylan can’t end up with them,” he says.

“Okay,” I say, feeling the wave of change that reality will bring to Will’s life hit my chest. I take the impact, and I remain standing here. I can survive it.

“I’m going to be his guardian. The insurance money from the accident, it’s barely enough for Dylan and me,” he says, and I turn my head to look up at him.

Our eyes meet.

“Okay,” I smile.

He starts to smile, too, but it doesn’t stick. That sense of hopelessness is strong, and his eyes wilt.

“Dylan is four right now. His disability—it’s lifelong. I’m committing to him for life, Maddy. However long that is for him,” he says.

My eyes don’t lie, and I know Will sees me working through that last fact. It’s something I thought about the first time I met Dylan, about his needs, the constant demands. Tanya has been his advocate, and now Will is going to have to step into that role.

“I understand that this is a permanent thing, Will,” I say. The thunder of my pulse rattles my body. Uncertainty threatens my resolve, but the other side of that is a life without Will—a life where I didn’t try.

“I’d like for my parents to meet him,” I say, bypassing the question in Will’s eyes. I don’t even address doubt, and I skip over the out he’s giving me. It isn’t an option, just like his not competing isn’t either.

Will’s head cocks to the side and he moves back a pace to look me in the eyes.

“When I held his hand, something happened to me, Will. Dylan is a very special kid…and his family,” I say, pausing with my tongue held between my teeth, my smile growing genuinely. “His family is bigger than you think…and so is yours.”





Chapter Twenty





Will





I can’t get over that nagging feeling, that I shouldn’t be doing any of this—that I should be back in Indianapolis making arrangements, sorting through things, moving Tanya and Dylan into a better place where we can all stay until it’s just Dylan and me. I wear it, though—that feeling—and whenever Maddy sees the proof of it on my face, she steps in to argue all of the reasons in favor of me staying right where I am, right here…with her.

I’m not even worried about racing the younger and stronger guys I watched file in to the locker room here at Valpo a few hours ago, each of them with a dream of their own—one more fine-tuned and less rife with obstacles, in comparison to my own. I’ve put in the work with what time I had, and Maddy believes in me. Somehow, I’ve earned Curtis in my corner completely. I shut my eyes and all I hear is his voice telling my arm exactly where to go—“precision movements for maximum output.”

Whatever will be will be. It’s this moment that’s about to swallow me whole, though, that’s consumed my sleep and waking dreams.

I’ve swam with Maddy’s father for extra hours every day, every second my mind split between two places—in the water with him and on Dylan, and exactly how this moment would go. I finally gave up, realizing that one part of the day I would be able to prepare for, while the other—introducing Maddy’s parents to Dylan and Tanya—would go how it’s going to go despite all of the preparation in the world.

“They’re going to love him, Will. They’ll love her, too. The history…it won’t matter,” Maddy says, reaching her arm around my neck as she steps up behind me where I sit. I pull her over my body until her face is looking at mine upside down.

“Spiderman kiss?” she smiles.

I let her cup my face, and I close my eyes, feeling her mouth on mine. She rights her head and walks around me, sitting on the small footrest across from me in the main lobby. There are athletes milling around, along with a dozen television cameras and reporters. My entire body beats in anticipation of the people noticing and asking about Dylan and Tanya. I want to protect them from having to feel that scrutiny.

I begin to count to ten in my head, breathing in slowly, in search of rational thought.

“Nerves again?” Maddy asks.

I forget the counting and suck in a quick breath, holding my chest full and exhaling hard, my eyes on my one steady thing.

“Your parents loved Evan,” I say, looking Maddy square in the eyes. “I’m just preparing myself for that look.”

Her eyebrows fall.

“What look?” she asks.

“The one that comes with shattering what’s left of their illusion of my brother,” I grimace.

Maddy scoots forward and reaches for my hands, so I sit up and give them to her. She turns both palms over in her lap and begins to trace the lines with her fingers.

“People love magic tricks, and things like palm readers and all of that hokey stuff,” she says, and I curl my right hand around her finger, catching it.

“Are you about to tell me that my baby line says I’m going to have seventeen kids?” I tease, not able to sell it well, because my heart’s just not ready for funny.

She flattens my palm back out and scowls at me, jokingly.

“Boys don’t have baby lines. That’s for girls,” she says, “and no. I’m just saying we all love an illusion. But really…what we want to know is how the trick was done in the first place.”