Hold My Breath(45)

“Or do you want more…” I pause, pressing my thumb against her, feeling how swollen and wet she is through her shorts. “Here?”

“Oh god,” she cries, and I rub her harder, her hips writhing on the end of the desk, her body wriggling to get closer to me.

I kneel in front of her, between her knees, hooking my fingertips in her waistband, sliding her shorts and the silky panties underneath over her hips, then down her thighs. I close my eyes once and breathe in slowly to force myself to take my time, to make sure I’m aware of any signs she gives, any hesitation I sense.

My hand starts at her calf, sliding slowly up her leg, over her knee and the inside of her leg until I reach the place I just was. I glance up to her body, one hand held hostage by her teeth gripping her knuckles and the other a fist on the wood of the desk until her fingers open and flex. I press my thumb against her, stroking her slowly, her body responding with my rhythm. I let my finger dip inside once, holding my place for a few seconds so she can adjust, until I feel her body relax as she rocks her hips to take me deeper. I lean forward, and I taste her with my tongue, feeling how ready she is, tasting how badly she wants me—wants this.

Unable to hold on to slow, I stand and unbutton my shorts, dropping them to the floor and taking my cock in my hand, stroking it while I stand before her bare naked body, splayed open and ready for me on an old wooden desk. Papers have slid to the floor, my uncle’s tools have fallen—her beautiful body amid the mess we’ve made. I don’t have anything with me. This…this…is not something I have done for several months. And this time is different, it’s more. I rest my hand against her pelvis and step forward, sliding my tip along her soft folds, teasing her until I’m coated in her, until nothing less will do but burying my dick deep inside her.

“I don’t have anything, Maddy. If we keep going, it’s going to be…”

“I’m on the pill. I’m fine, I trust you,” she pants. Her eyes open on mine and her hand falls away from her mouth, her lips a bright pink from the rough kisses I left behind. I hold myself at her entrance, uncertain, but so goddamned ready, until she bites her bottom lip and nods slowly, her eyes closing just enough and her lip curling in the anticipation of pleasure.

I move forward and fall into her, splitting her and pushing so deep that her body moves along the desk, so I grip her shoulder hard and she wraps her hands around my arms.

“Oh god, Will. More of that, please!” she begs, so I pull out of her completely and then enter her again, this time ready to hold her against me while I push forward. Her legs fall open even wider, and her body arches.

“Yes!”

I slide out again, grabbing myself and waiting, watching her eyes flutter, her mouth pant, and her breathing grow ragged until I f*ck her again. I move my hand under her back and I pull her body close so I can suck her breast while my dick moves in and out of her. I push hard, and I bite her nipple raw, then I move to the next, turning and lifting her body with me so I’m sitting on the desk and she’s straddling me, her knees on either side while her body lifts up and down, riding me.

I grab her ass, my fingers gripping her skin so hard I might leave bruises in my wake, but I hold on anyhow, moving her up and down on my cock, the pressure building while we both chase this feeling that’s better than any high, than driving drunk and racing no one. This is what I’ve been missing, this is what was supposed to be—Maddy and me, we were the right fit. This can’t be wrong. It’s too perfect…too right and too good.

“Jesus, Maddy,” I growl into the small of her neck, her hair sticking to my damp skin, her body moving hard and fast while she slides up and down. My hips meet her rhythm, and I push into her, the force growing with every move, until we both press our mouths against one another’s necks to stifle the moans and cries that we can’t help but make from a release so desperate and hard that it leaves us both shattered when our bodies collapse on the desk.

Maddy falls against me, and I pull her up, turning us so I’m lying on the desk and her body is on mine, her perfectly toned machine of a body completely wrapped in my arms and legs, sticky from our sweat and our sex.

I feel regret knocking against my heart. I feel it threatening to creep into my head. I see glimpses of faces—of Dylan, of Tanya…of Evan. I push them all away, bury them deep, and I gather Maddy’s hair into my palm, pressing my lips against the side of her face.

“I need you to stay, Will,” she says. “No matter what…if you lose, if I lose. If this gets hard, whatever this is. I need you to stay until we figure it out. And even then, I just think…”

She lifts her head, and I cup her face in my hands, her eyes locking on mine.

“I think I just need you to stay,” she says.

I stare at her for several seconds, holding my breath, my mind racing with all of my demons, and with everyone else’s demons, too. I fear none of it is possible. I’m going to break her heart. Those demons—they’ll destroy her. But I can’t give her up. I need her to stay, too. Even though I can’t promise it; even though I shouldn’t, I say exactly what she needs to hear. I let myself believe it for the breath it takes to speak.

“Okay,” I say, bringing her lips to mine, kissing her softly, then closing my eyes as her forehead rests against mine. “Okay,” I whisper again.