Hold My Breath(44)

“What is it, Maddy?” I whisper into her ear. “If I haven’t made things worse, then what? Tell me?”

Her hands fall from my wrists to my chest, her fingers slowly grasping fists full of my shirt. I watch her face fall into me and her mouth part, her lips touch my chest, kissing lightly and trembling in-between.

“You’ve made everything clear. You’ve made me feel whole, like something was missing for the last four years, and now that it’s in place, I’m stronger,” she says.

I reach down and lift her chin, and her eyes open on mine as I do.

“I meant what I said yesterday, Maddy,” I say. “Your laugh…your smile? It’s just as beautiful as I remember it. As beautiful as...as I always thought it was, even if it wasn’t mine to admire.”

Her eyes widen with a flare at my confession, and I know by the way she breathes that she understands the truth barely hidden behind those words. I’ve wanted Maddy since she dared me to beat her when we were kids racing in the pool. I’ve wanted to kiss her since I wrapped my hands around hers on the rope swing, and I know in my gut that I loved her first. I loved her more…and I loved her first.

I breathe through my nose, holding on to the quickly losing battle my conscience is having over what’s right and wrong—what would be a betrayal and what is just life, continuing on. The longer I look into her deep brown eyes, the clearer everything becomes, until the choice is no longer a choice, it’s just something I have to do.

My hands slide around her body slowly, and my eyes hold their gaze on hers, waiting for the cue that tells me to stop. When it doesn’t come, I lift her up so her body is flush with mine, and I spin around and set her on the desk, her hands not once letting go of their grip on my shirt.

Her bottom lip quivers, and I press my finger to it, stepping away just long enough to push the door closed completely and lock it. We don’t need anyone walking in, making either of us question whatever happens in the next several minutes.

I walk back to her quickly, and her mouth opens in a way that I know she’s about to doubt what we’re doing. I can’t let that happen, because it’s poisonous, and it will halt me before I can just see…I need to see if this is real, if she feels this, too.

Without pause, I reach through her hair, threading my fingers through the strands, and tilting her head up just enough that her lips are waiting for mine to cover them. I kiss her hard; she leans back with my force, her hands falling to the desktop behind her to catch herself.

“I won’t let you fall,” I say against her mouth.

She tilts her head just enough that our eyes meet. A breath. Two. Her hands move from their careful place to my neck, and the second I feel her fingers in my hair, I taste her mouth again. My hands move to her back, and when she arches I groan at the feel of her breasts against my chest.

I let her lead, with everything, content to have this, to kiss her raw and memorize every curve of her mouth and bend of her back. Her hands fall down my chest, though, reaching for the bottom of my shirt and lifting it up and over my head, her fingers retracing their path down my chest and abs to the button on my shorts. She grabs the waist of my shorts and pulls me closer, until my dick is pressed to the center of her legs, and the heat that radiates sends me to a place I don’t think I’ll have the power to come back from.

She’s wearing a thin, black T-shirt that I lift up easily, taking the black bra underneath away with it. My hands roam along her shoulder blades, the curve of her back and to her arms, but I keep my eyes on hers, almost afraid to look at this much of her. I know I’ll never be able to forget any of this, and if something goes wrong, which isn’t far from likely, I know the further in I fall, the more painful every memory will be.

Maddy’s hands trace along my shoulders and down my arms until she weaves her fingers with mine, and she pushes me away enough that I have no choice but to see all of the girl—every bit of her that I have dreamt of for years. Her hair tickles along her shoulders, barely falling down her front, the length not quite making it over her breasts. Her nipples are hard peaks, and I hunger for them.

“Goddamn, you’re everything I thought you would be, Maddy. You’re more,” I say, her eyes hazing with my words.

Her mouth curves up on the right, just slightly, and she holds onto my hands as she lowers herself back to the desk, arching the second her shoulders hit the wood, her head falling back until her hair cascades over the other side of the desk.

I let go of her hands and lay my palms flat against her bare stomach, my fingers aching to travel both directions, my cock so hard that I think I might break through the zipper on my pants. I indulge and lean forward, letting my hands travel up her ribs slowly, counting the deep breaths she takes in anticipation of my touch, teasing her when I meet the curve of her breast and taking my time arriving to the very tips. When my thumbs graze over her hard nipples, she whimpers, her body squirming and her back arching into me, begging for more pressure.

“You want more…here,” I say, leaning over her and taking one of the peaks into my teeth, holding on with light pressure while my tongue passes over her skin. I draw it out until she arches again, and then I suck hard, leaving her nipple pink and raw.

I stand tall and cup her breasts, letting my fingers tickle down her body, to her stomach, slowing as I pass over the band of her cotton shorts, then over the gray material until my thumbs hover just over her center.