Highly Illogical Behavior(29)

“Yeah,” Solomon said, looking a little worried.

“You never leave the house? Like, not even a foot? In secret maybe?”

“Clark,” Lisa snapped.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Clark continued. “You could do worse. I mean . . . if you have to be inside all the time, at least your house is nice. But, don’t you ever want to go out there?”

“Well, yeah,” Solomon said, looking toward Lisa. “Does he not know about the pool?”

He pointed toward the glass door to their left and out to the large hole in the yard.

“You think I’m just here to play chess?” Clark said. “I was promised pool parties and babes in bikinis and Star Trek marathons.”

“You were promised maybe one and a half of those things,” Lisa corrected.

“Fair enough. It’s going to be awesome, man. It’s our only real defense against global warming.”

“Swimming?” Solomon asked.

“You get in a pool and tell me the world’s on fire. I don’t think so.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Solomon said.

“Oh yeah,” Lisa said. “Clark doesn’t believe in global warming. It’s the only thing he thinks his mom’s right about.”

“Well, she also thinks I’m smart. Which I can’t argue with.”

“He doesn’t always try to be this funny,” Lisa said. “This is Nervous Clark. A string of one-liners.”

“Guilty,” Clark said.

“Why would you be nervous?” Solomon asked.

“Meeting new people, you know,” Clark said.

“Tell him what else,” Lisa urged.

“Oh yeah,” Clark said. “I hope this isn’t rude and I know we just got here and all, but I hear word of a holodeck and I need that dream to come true whenever you’re ready.”

“Okay, umm . . . sure, we can go see it if you want,” Solomon said, standing up.

“Maybe I should sit this one out,” Lisa joked.

“Never,” Clark said.

Lisa had a hard time buying Clark’s excitement as they followed Solomon through the kitchen and to the garage door. And she thought it looked like Solomon was just as excited as he was. When he’d shown her, he was almost embarrassed.

They stepped inside and Clark tightened his grasp on Lisa’s hand before letting it go. He stood in the center of the room and slowly turned all the way around, looking at the floor, walls, and ceiling with this awestruck expression on his face. Solomon had that same look, but not because of the room. He stared right at Clark until he caught Lisa’s eye and snapped out of it. When he closed the door, the room was pitch-black, except for the tape.

“Incredible,” Clark said in a whisper, like he’d be saying it to himself even if no one else were around.

“It’s kind of ridiculous, I guess,” Solomon said.

“Not at all,” Clark argued. “Not even a little.”

Lisa stood close enough to Clark to see him close his eyes for a second and then open them back up.

“Okay, quick,” he said. “If you could be any character on The Next Generation who would you be?”

“Easy,” Solomon said. “Data. For sure.”

“That makes sense,” Clark said.

“You?”

“I always liked Wesley Crusher.”

“What?” Solomon was appalled. “Nobody likes Wesley Crusher.”

“Why not?” Lisa asked.

“Because he’s a total Mary Sue,” Solomon said. “He’s too perfect.”

“But he’s always saving the day,” Clark argued. “Like, always.”

“Exactly. He’s just a talking deus ex machina. Everybody on the ship treats him like a dumb kid, then he saves them at the last minute and, every single time, they go right back to treating him like a dumb kid again. Do I need to remind you that the starship Enterprise is full of genius scientists and engineers? Why’s this kid who can’t get into Starfleet Academy smarter than all of them?”

“Good point,” Clark said. “He’s still my choice, though. So, umm . . . where’s the ON switch to this room?”

“I know, right?” Solomon said. “It’s just paint and tape.”

“You watch Community?” Clark asked.

“I’ve seen an episode or two.”

“One of the characters has a room like this. Calls it the Dreamatorium. But his works, sort of. I’ll show you sometime.”

“That would be awesome,” Solomon said. “Why can’t it be real? Where’s the future we were promised, man?”

“For real,” Clark said. “We’re supposed to have cooler things than drones that deliver toilet paper.”

“Drones deliver your toilet paper?” Solomon asked.

“Okay, so that is kind of cool. But, still. Where’s my virtual reality? Where’s my hover car? And where the hell is teleportation?”

“Why don’t we teleport back to the living room, guys?” Lisa suggested. “I’m sorry to tell you that this room sort of gives me a headache.”

“Fine,” Clark said, disappointed. “But can I ask you one more thing?”