Going Long (Waiting on the Sidelines #2)(60)
It was seriously a good thing I had more than an hour to calm myself down after dealing with Gavin. I drove up to a nearby corner market to get a Gatorade and just reset my thinking. He had me so angry, and I didn’t want any of that flowing over into the night I had planned. Tonight was important, and I had to be very careful. I pulled onto a neighborhood side road and propped my leg up on my seat, popping my headphones in one ear and thumbing through my phone to make sure I knew where everything was. I found myself obsessively checking the time, recalculating how long it would take me to get back to Nolan’s campus. Finally, unable to stand it any longer, I pushed my keys back into the ignition and revved my engine.
I was 20 minutes early, but I could hear Nolan in her room getting ready. I paused at the door to listen in to her phone conversation a little. It was either Sarah or Sienna on the other line, I was sure.
“He said to wear something nice…but I don’t have anything nice! And I don’t know what to do with my hair. Oh my God! He’s going to be here any minute…are you sure? Yeah, that’s what I’m wearing. Do you think it’s nice enough?”
There was a long pause in her conversation, and I bit my lip to keep myself from laughing outside her door. She was nervous, and it was the cutest thing in the whole damn world. I was starting to think she had hung up when I heard her start talking again.
“Okay, if you promise me that it looks good and everything’s okay. You swear he’s not going to give me awful news and just smash my heart to pieces? Because I can’t take that…not again,” she said. Her words broke my f*cking heart. She was worried that this was some trick, or that I was taking her out to end our relationship, for closure. I leaned against the wall, listening to her finish getting ready for another few minutes, my mind heavy with the thought of Nolan staying awake at night worrying about us. I wanted to fix everything, but I knew it would also take time. We’d both lost trust in one another, and we were going to need to get it back for us to be whole again.
I took a deep breath, and finally rapped on her door, my forehead flat on it as I listened to her approach. I straightened my posture and readied the mixed bouquet of wildflowers I’d gotten for her at the store, when I heard the lock twisting.
“Hey,” I said, just smiling softly and taking her in. Her hair was straight, and swept over one shoulder. She was wearing tight black pants and a dark blue sweater that hung off one shoulder. Her exposed skin drove me wild instantly, and I just wanted to take a bite out of it, but I had to take baby steps, so after giving her a once over, I forced myself to keep my gaze up high, at her eyes.
“Hi,” she said softly, unsure of herself. I noticed the slight tremble when my hand touched hers as I handed her the flowers, and I took it as a good sign. “These are amazing. Thanks, I don’t get a lot of living things in here. I mean…unless you count the mold I’m growing on my bread.”
She giggled at her words, my heart leaping from my chest at the sound. I laughed at her joke, trying to set her at ease. “I wasn’t sure if you had a vase or anything. I think they’re okay in a cup or whatever,” I said, looking around her room. It looked the same, everything still in its place. But somehow, it seemed darker, lifeless. It made me sad. Nolan found an empty cup near her sink and filled it with water, setting the flowers on her night table. It made me feel good to know that she’d wake up to such a vivid reminder of me, and of tonight. Now all I had to do was not f*ck things up. “Easier said than done,” I thought.
I held out my arm and guided her from her room out to the Jeep. We were both quiet, and with each minute that passed without conversation, the more nervous I became, my palms actually sweating.
“So…do I get to know where we’re going?” she asked, flittering her lashes at me just like she used to do in high school. God, I was done. I took a deep breath, and turned to her with a full smile.
“Sort of. I’ll fill you in as we go. Like, right now? We’re going bowling,” I said, buckling up and starting the engine. Nolan’s face lit up a little. She liked bowling, but we’d only ever been once. Tonight was going to be about doing all of those stupid little things we never did, or didn’t do enough. And bowling made my girl smile, which was the first thing on my list.
The drive to the bowling alley was dead quiet. I tried to fill the air with my constant flipping through the various radio stations, and when I caught Nolan tapping her leg to the rhythm of one of the oldie stations, I stopped. I loved that she liked the old songs. She had an old soul. That’s what Pops always said. And something about hearing some doo-wop band sing, while I looked at Nolan’s smile in the moonlight, seemed right.
I thought about reaching for her hand when we walked into the bowling alley, but she had grabbed her jacket and purse, and was hugging them close to her chest, I think partly to shield herself from me. She wasn’t herself anymore, and she was so damned uncomfortable around me. It was killing me. I hadn’t kissed her in weeks, and all I wanted was to taste her lips, crush my mouth to hers and make her drop her purse to the ground, reaching for neck and hair. God, the way she used to tug at my hair and wrap her legs around my waist like I was some sort of tree, and she was the spider monkey…I had to quit thinking about it, because tonight was about taking it slow. And right now, I was seconds from throwing that theory out the window.
We picked up our shoes and headed to our lane. I found a ball right away, but Nolan was always picky. She wanted the perfect weight, the perfect thumbhole, and the perfect color. She finally settled on an ugly lime-colored ball and set it on our return.