Going Long (Waiting on the Sidelines #2)(58)
“Whaaaat’s funny?” I asked, my brow heavy with confusion now.
My mom laughed a little harder now, sliding the packet to the side of her and covering her face with her hands while she bent forward and then sat up, blotting the laughter tears from the corners of her eyes. “Oh, Reed honey…wow, you really had me going for a minute there,” my mom said, fanning herself now, trying to recover from her strange giggling fit.
“I’m sorry?” I asked, not understanding.
“Well…when you started this conversation, I was so certain you were going to tell me she was pregnant. Honey, I almost stopped breathing at the thought of that. I mean, can you imagine? You having a baby…with that girl?” She was laughing again at her words. Her eyes were closed with laughter, in fact. A blessing, because never in my life had I been more ashamed, and angry, with the woman who raised me. I hated her words, and they were making me hate her. Of all things she could say, of all possible reactions, this one was not something I had prepared for, and it had me reeling.
I got to my feet suddenly and pulled out my keys to start walking for the door. I had to leave before I said something awful. But I was naive thinking my mother would make this easy.
“Reed, sweetie? Oh, come on honey…you can’t blame me for laughing. I mean it’s really quite a ridiculous thought. I was just so surprised.” My mother was walking after me now, the tip tap of her heels on the patio stones grating on every last one of my nerves. I just turned and stared into her eyes, stone-faced, wanting her to see how I felt about the words she spoke.
“Reed…you know I can’t give any special treatment for our scholarships, honey. My hands are tied,” my mother said, just holding her hands up in a tying gesture, as if I didn’t get it.
Pursing my lips, I just nodded and turned back to leave.
“Reed, sweetheart? Stay, finish your coffee with me,” my mom was sounding more desperate now. I stopped at the doorway, my feet urging me to leave, but my heart telling my brain that now was the time to fight. I’d made a renewed vow that I would—against anyone and anything—no matter what when it came to Nolan. And deep down, I knew that I’d have to have this moment with my mother.
“I’m not staying for coffee…” I started, her face falling flat. “And Mom? I’m not coming back to see you. Frankly, I can’t stand the sight of your face right now.”
My mother physically stumbled backward at my words, her hand flying to her heart like she’d been wounded. But I also knew she was playing me, making this about her. But this was about Nolan, and how absolutely cruel and hateful Millie Johnson-Snyder could be.
“Don’t do that,” I demanded, my voice growing louder and more confident. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about, or where any of this is coming from. You know exactly where this is coming from, Mom. You have never been kind to Nolan. You judge her, disrespect her, and discount her as your equal, as someone worthy of even being a woman in your f*cked-up society world. And I’m sick of it. And I’m ashamed of you. I’ve tried to defend you because—goddammit Mom? What son wants to admit that his mother is so heartless, cold and prejudiced? But you are!”
“You’ve always said you would do anything…anything, Mom! Anything to make me happy—well, Nolan makes me happy! Fuck. Mom? She’s my entire damned world! And if there is ever a day in the future, where I’m lucky enough to have a child with her—to make something so amazing…with that girl—well…you can bet your ass that my son or daughter won’t ever set foot in a household full of so much hatefulness as this one!”
“So you know what? Just forget everything I asked for tonight. I don’t need anything from you. I’ll find a way to help the woman I love on my own. I’m sorry that I ever thought I could count on you,” I spat out everything in a matter of seconds, my body shaking, and my eyes seeing actual red as I turned and stormed from my mother’s house.
I had done the impossible. I had left my mother speechless. And it hurt my heart, but I also knew it was the right thing to do, and that I was right about everything. And I’d find a way to help Nolan without her. I peeled out of the driveway as I sped onto the main road, heading back to Tucson. I replayed my conversation over in my head the entire way back to my dorm, and every single time, I was satisfied, happy I’d finally said what needed to be said.
I’d had disagreements with my mother before, but never over anything truly important. This one was going to last, and I could just tell. I thought about talking it over with Pops, but I knew he agreed with me. There was no need to bring him into it. This was my disappointment to bear, and I was finally ready.
To clear my head, I spent the rest of Thursday night preparing. I’d brainstormed just about every single overly romantic gesture known to man, and I was half tempted to pull them all out for this one date. But I also knew I had to take things slow. I was pretty satisfied with what I finally settled on, and when I called Sarah to run it by her, she agreed. If you would have asked me in high school if Sarah and I would be as close as we’d become, I would have laughed, a gut-busting kind of laugh in disbelief. But now was a different story. We were close, and Sarah was no longer just Nolan’s friend—she was mine, too.
Before I would be able to focus on the evening, I knew there was some shit I just had to get out of the way. I knew when Noles would be at her writing workshop. It was the only damn thing she still went to religiously, so I counted on her being gone for at least two hours. It gave me enough time to show up early and pay a little visit to Gavin.