Going Long (Waiting on the Sidelines #2)(52)

“I’m so sorry I lost your baby,” the words escaped her lips, playing out in slow motion while she slid the rest of the way to the floor and succumbed to the pull of sleep. All air left my lungs at the sound of her voice. My legs no longer able to hold me up, I slid slowly down the wall, fingers clawing at it to slow my descent, until I was finally sitting on the floor, too, just staring at her now closed eyes. Mine wide with shock, each nerve ending on my body firing with this new information, and my breath completely stopped. Had I heard her right? Did she say baby?

I fumbled through my pocket, and my phone fell to the floor next to me. I scurried more, trying to hold it in my shaking hands and, when I’d finally gotten it right, I scrolled until I found Sarah’s number. I hit dial, and waited, still not having blinked since the words lost and baby left Nolan’s lips.

“Reed? Are you home? Is she okay?” Sarah started, but I interrupted.

“When did she lose the baby?” I asked, no longer questioning what I heard, but just suddenly desperate to know. I heard Sarah sigh on the other end. “Sar, I need to know. Please…just tell me.” I swallowed hard, and found my face wet with tears, my voice urgent and needing.

“I didn’t think you knew,” she said quietly. “There was no way you could have. It just didn’t make sense.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, my heart rate picking up a little with panic now as I realized everything my girl had been through—alone.

“Nolan said she called you, said she left you a message or something, but I couldn’t imagine you not calling her after that,” Sarah said, my body flattening on itself in an instant at her explanation.

“Shit!” I said, my hand now covering my mouth to hold myself together. “The message…f*ck!”

I stood to walk into my room and shut the door to my bathroom slightly to keep Nolan asleep. “Sar, she did. I completely forgot. I was so pissed. I never listened!” I was manic now, my body shaking, and my guts twisting.

“Well, you better go listen,” Sarah said, exasperated and clearly pissed at me.

I hung up without saying bye and dialed into my voicemail in seconds, only to hear Nolan’s voice telling me everything:



Hi. It’s me. I guess you know that, though. I…oh my God, Reed. I’m so sorry. I don’t know how this happened. I don’t want Gavin. I don’t even like him. He was just there, and we were both in the wrong place at the wrong time.

(Sniffle)

I was so drunk. I haven’t done that before. I was so upset—and he was flirting with me, and I let him make a pass, and I didn’t stop him, and then it all hit me at once—and I ran home. Oh God!

(She was crying harder now.)

Reed? There’s so much you don’t know. I…I was pregnant.

(The tears were non-stop and her breath stuttered.)

I found out the night we made plans to talk about the draft. And then Dylan happened, and then you made plans to sign, and I was so afraid I would have to drop out of school, and raise a baby. I thought you wouldn’t want me—or want us. And Tatum had tricked you with pregnancy in high school, and I remembered how you acted, how depressed you got. How it ruined EVERYTHING.

(There was a long pause while she cried harder, her nose running, and her breath hitching.)

I lost it. It was terrible. And oh my God, the blood. Reed, it was so awful. And it was all my fault…because I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to trap you. And I felt relief, at first. And then I just wanted to go back, back to when I was pregnant, so I could tell you this time. What if I can’t get pregnant? What if that was your only chance to have a baby? And I was so selfish. I wished it away, Reed!

(She was crying hard again.)

Gavin found me at the gym when I passed out the day after my…my…miscarriage. I wasn’t dehydrated, at least not from running. And I had just come back from your house, from seeing Dylan in your shirt. And Gavin took care of me. And I think part of me thought about that day when he kissed me. And yes, I kissed him back. But I wasn’t thinking of him. I promise! Oh God, Reed. Please, please just call me. I can’t lose you, too!



Those were her last words before my message cut off. I just sat there stunned, looking at my broken girl lying on the floor, covered in her own vomit. Her scholarships in jeopardy, her heart broken, and her faith in me completely rocked…all because I forgot to listen to a f*cking message! She’d thought she’d lost me, too. I played it again, and let the tears fall down my face, blotting them with my fists, trying to man up, but also letting it all fall out of me at once.

When her words finished, I slid the phone to the corner of the room and crawled on hands and knees to her body. She was snoring lightly and didn’t flinch when I brushed her long strands of hair behind her ear. I managed to peel her soaked sweater from her; she only wrinkled her nose a little at me, but her eyes remained closed. I picked her up and carried her to my bed where I pulled the boots from her feet and slid her pants from her legs. I went to my drawer to pull out my softest Coolidge football T-shirt, her favorite. I slid it over her head and carefully pulled her arms through the sleeves. She twisted sideways in my bed a little, pulling down on the shirt out of instinct. I pulled the blanket up her body, leaving her shoulders exposed so I could stroke them with my fingers for a while.

Finally satisfied that she was asleep, and staying that way, I kissed my angel’s head and whispered in her ear. “I’m going to fix this; I promise.” Then quietly, I made my way to the bathroom for a shower.