Going Long (Waiting on the Sidelines #2)(47)
Despite the hours Rosie spent in the kitchen working on every detail of our dinner, we managed to demolish it in a matter of minutes. The table was quiet for moments at a time while we all stuffed our faces with her delicious turkey, stuffing and gravy. Pops, Jason and I always ate like Neanderthals, shoveling food in our mouths sometimes with our bare hands, and picking up fallen crumbs from the table and pushing them into our mouths, too. My mother always hated it but Rosie seemed to take it as a compliment.
Tonight was the first time I’d had a real Thanksgiving meal in my own house, ever…and it was amazing! Even Nolan’s mom praised Rosie on her cooking, which was saying something, since every meal I’d had at the Lennox home was the single best thing I’d ever eaten, each thing Nolan’s mom made one-upping the last.
Nolan and I were sitting at the far end of the table next to one another, but like strangers. We were both putting on a performance it seemed. She would smile and nod at conversations, half leaning her head in my direction, but never fully settling in to make eye contact. I found myself challenging her, though, staring right at her for longer than I should. She was friendly, and almost flirtatious, but there was an underlying sadness to her that I couldn’t deny. I just kept replaying her crying on the floor in my kitchen, so lost and helpless, and my stomach sank in fear that I had made her that way. I’d almost feel sorry, and then remind myself that she was the one who kissed another man…and maybe more, and then when I thought of Gavin, I balled my hands into fists on my knees and quit feeling so bad.
“So, Nolan…how’s school going?” Jason was engaging her now, but he had that tone to his voice that he only made when he wanted to give me shit. Immediately, I was defensive.
“Oh…uh, it’s fine,” she just smiled and looked down to straighten the napkin on her lap. Shit! She was barely holding it together, I could tell.
“Huh…” he just said, taunting her.
“What do you mean…huh?” I said, not able to take it, but probably just throwing gas on the fire.
Jason slid his chair a bit then and sat up straight to meet my gaze. “Well, little brother…” I knew he was going to lay into me now, get me back for knocking him around in the kitchen a little, getting in his face. Jason didn’t like to be shown up, even if nobody was watching. “I just mean it must be hard between the two of you, long distance and all. I just wondered if Nolan ever had to turn anyone down, break some poor ASU guy’s heart?” He smirked, tempting me.
I felt my heart beating in my stomach, and the weight of everyone’s stares bouncing between Nolan and me. They were all rapt with the conversation, smiling and waiting for our cute response. And I was so pissed at the part of me that wanted to let them all down—just to crush her a little, the part that wanted to say, “No, she never turns anyone down. Instead, she just kisses whatever * wants to get her into bed that night.” But I didn’t, I just looked at Nolan, every muscle in her face clenched, and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek softly. Then I looked her right in the eyes as I backed away and got my own little dig in, private and not for anyone but her. “Never,” I said, holding her gaze, and instantly feeling regret for saying it as she fought to keep the water pooling in her eyes from falling.
Suddenly not hungry for dessert, I excused myself, and pushed back from the table to head upstairs and clear my head. I noticed Sienna’s hand squeezing Nolan’s under the table as I walked away, and immediately knew I’d made a mistake. “I’m such an *,” I thought. But I had been so angry for so long, for once I just wanted to give into it. Turns out it wasn’t worth it.
I hung out in my room for about 20 minutes, just lying flat on my back and staring up at my ceiling. I was startled when my dark room lit up from the hallway light as someone cracked it open. My heart jumped a little, thinking it might be Nolan, but then settled when I realized it was Sarah.
“Hey,” I said, laying back down and folding my hands under my head. The bed flopped heavily as she lay down next to me.
“Hey,” she said, mimicking me. We both sat there in comfortable silence for a while. I was growing to really like Sarah. She was real, always gave it to people straight, and I admired that. Of course, that meant sometimes I had to take what she was dishing.
“So…that was a prick move down there,” she said, turning her head to prop it up on her hand and look at me.
Sighing, I put my hands on my face to try to rub away the memory of an hour ago. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. My brother is a real *,” I said, turning to her and wincing.
“Hmmmmm, yeah…he is,” she said, then sat up, and looked down at me. “But I was talking about you.”
The look she was giving me could have burned a hole through my eyes. I just stared right back into, owning it. She was right, and I knew throwing my vow to never cheat on Nolan in her face was the shittiest thing to say the moment the words came out. Not wanting to get into it with Sarah, and partly wanting to take my punishment, I just shrugged a bit, and lay flat on my back again, throwing my arm over my eyes. “Yeah, it was a prick move,” I said.
We were quiet after that again until we heard the others start to stir downstairs. The sounds of chairs scuffing the floor and dishes clanking had us both sitting up. I was dreading going back down there to face everyone after the shit I’d said. And I was pretty sure after the stunt I’d pulled, Nolan’s parents were starting to question us, too.