From Sanctum with Love (Masters and Mercenaries #10)(77)

If she let him, Jared would talk his way right back into everything being fine. She got the feeling Jared would do a lot to keep the peace around him. “No bullshit, Jared. I’m not a fan or a reporter or a flunky. You look tired and worried. What’s wrong?”

His lips formed a flat line. “It’s nothing.”

“Nope. It’s not nothing. It can be something you don’t want to talk about, but it’s not nothing.”

He let his bag drop and sat down on the second step. “You care?”

She moved toward him, dropping down beside him. “Of course I do. You’re Kai’s brother.”

“Yeah, well, he doesn’t care.” For the first time since she’d met him, a hard look came into his eyes. “That’s something you have to understand about Kai.”

He didn’t know Kai now. A lot had happened to both brothers over the time they’d been apart, but she softened her response. Jared didn’t need a lecture. He did need the truth though. “I can care enough for both of us. You have to give Kai some time. You were an *.”

“It’s been twelve years.”

“He’s smart in many ways and slow in this one. Trust me. Kai always does the right thing. He’ll come around. Is this about Kai?”

Jared shook his head. “No. It’s about everything. I hate conflict. We all got into a massive fight on the plane and I don’t like it when things get nasty.”

“What was the fight about?”

“Whether or not I sign a new contract with Dart.”

That was one problem she did understand. “Ah, your contract is up but the show is going strong. Your career is going strong, too, and they think you’ll have a million and one offers after this movie hits big.”

“You have forgotten nothing of your time in Hollywood.” He turned to her, giving her a smile that likely could melt the heart of any woman he chose. “I’ve got a little time, but I have to make the decision. I have to give them time to wrap up the show or find a way to transition it away from me.”

“It sounds like you’ve made your decision.”

He shook his head and leaned back, his elbows on the stair behind him. “Not at all. I like the steady work of television. I like playing the same guy. I get to really get into the role. The producers have been cool about letting me work in our off time. Hell, when they found out I was up for this role, they offered to work around me.”

She understood the problem he was facing. “But you have a shelf life.”

“Most actors do. I’m never going to be a character actor. I’m not that good. I’ve got ten years maybe before I have to transition.”

“TV is kinder,” she pointed out.

“It is. But if I have a shot at doing something more, shouldn’t I take it?” Jared asked.

“It depends. What do you want? Stop listening to all the other voices. I get that you have about a hundred voices playing through your head at any given moment. You’ve got the people who work for you. You’ve got the producers. You’ve got an entire small industry that has built itself around you and you feel the weight of it. You’ve got the inner voices. The ones that tell you you’re not good enough and all this is going to go away tomorrow. The ones that tell you if you make one wrong move, you’ll be done.”

“Heard those, have you?”

She’d been an artist once. She still heard some of them. And some of them, the ones that had felt dead and gone, those had started whispering to her. They’d started telling stories again. “Yes. So now I’m going to tell you what you have to do. You have to shut them all out and hear the only voice that matters now. Yours. What do you want? Not what’s going to placate the most people. What does Jared John Ferguson want?”

He was quiet for a moment. “Is that what you did? Is that why you walked away?”

“Hey, we’re supposed to be talking about you here.”

His voice lowered and she realized he was taking the whole Dom training seriously because he suddenly sounded like one. “And you are suddenly the only link I have to my family. Family opens up. Family talks. You want me to follow your advice, then tell me why you left. You were smart and your scripts were good. And everyone knew you were the one writing those scripts.”

This was something she’d been avoiding thinking about for years. “I wasn’t strong enough then. I didn’t believe enough in myself, and maybe when I think about it deep down inside, maybe I didn’t want it enough to fight. I thought that was my dream. I was wrong. I’m happier here.”

Though lately she’d begun to wonder if she wasn’t missing one tiny thing.

“It’s a rough lifestyle. No one gets that. They see famous people and think about how good they have it.” Jared sat back up. “It’s hard. It’s going to get harder from here.”

“How much money do you need, Jared? How much fame? I walked out because I realized how much of myself I’d given up. I didn’t recognize myself anymore. It’s taken years, but I’m me again. I’m not the me I’ll be ten years from now, but I’m the me I chose.”

He was quiet for a moment. “I want to stay. I like the show. I want to see where it goes. I’m smart with my money now. And honestly, if it goes away tomorrow, I’ll still be okay. When I look deep down, I want to stay on the show as long as it lasts. I’m happy there.”