Frigid Affair(16)

My doctor was in her fifties, and one of the three who resided in the area. I’d picked her by luck, and appreciated her friendliness, especially when I didn’t know anyone. Moving away from everything I’d known hadn’t been easy for me. I had to find a doctor immediately so I could refill my antidepressants. She’d write me a prescription for six months, in which I’d have to pay the full amount because insurance wouldn’t allow me to fill such a large amount of pills at once.

I’d lived in Alaska for an entire year before weaning myself off of them, but remained a patient to make sure I was in good health. When you have a ton of time on your hands you tend to over exaggerate every symptom one might have.

This particular visit left me with some unexpected news.

I was five months pregnant and hadn’t even known it. Apparently, since the cold months cause locals to gain weight, I hadn’t paid much attention to my body changes. Each spring I’d get back to normal activities and lose the added pounds in no time at all.

“What do you mean I’m pregnant?” I asked the doctor as if I didn’t believe the results. “It’s impossible.”

She glanced down at the results for a second time. “Well, we did our normal blood workup that we always do, including a pregnancy test. It’s routine. I won’t know the results of the others until the lab sends them, but according to this you are pregnant. Are you sure this couldn’t be a mistake? We could test again.”

I sighed and looked down, unable to accept I could be carrying a child as a result of a one-night-stand. “Yeah, I think we need to retest.”

This time, the doctor drew the blood herself and had the vials sent off to the lab, just to appease me. Since I’d be in town for a couple of days, she’d hopefully have the results back in time to give me the news before we ventured back home.

I was a nervous wreck as I waited. I couldn’t get my ass in gear. Instead of stocking my truck with items we’d need, I stayed in bed at the hotel, praying for some kind of miracle to make this all a bad dream. On the second day I finally got up the nerve to pick up a test at the pharmacy. After gathering a few more items I knew were important, I paid and hurried back to the hotel where I could pee on a stick and see the future.

Two lines.

I grabbed the second test out of the box and forced a few more strands of urine out. Three minutes later the same two lines appeared. By this point I was freaking out, panicking, pacing around the room like a nut job. What the hell was I going to do with a baby? How would I raise a child on my own? Was it even possible?

One thing was for sure, I didn’t want to up and move again. I’d finally settled in a place where I felt normal again. This had to be a bump in the road. If anyone could figure out how to be a mother, I could. I’d have to. Like it or not, I was going to be this little child’s only means of life.

It took me several hours to stop crying. Even after, I had a few breakdowns resulting in feeling too sick to venture out into town. Our two-day trip turned into four, and even though I was already certain the results were true, I went back to the doctors to hear what I needed to do next.

She sent me to her associate, an OBGYN, who happened to be in the same office.

To determine the date I conceived, they did a sonogram. I watched in amazement as the screen lit up with something that didn’t at all look like a little peanut. The baby on this screen appeared to already have limbs. She immediately started doing measurements, while I tried to think of the date of the fire so I could solve the mystery for her.

“It was almost five months ago,” I managed to whisper. “It was only once.”

“And you’ve had no signs?”

“None. I’ve gained a few pounds, but I always do during the winter months because I’m cramped up in the cabin. I haven’t been sick. I take extra naps, but I chalked it up to being bored.”

“You’re lucky, Amantha. Some women experience severe morning sickness, fatigue, as well as other symptoms. Had you noticed you missed your periods?”

“No. I’ve never been regular. It’s not like I keep a calendar. When it happens I put on a pad and wait for it to end. I guess I was preoccupied, or just being stupid.”

“Would you like to know what you’re having?”

It was a simple question, but one I had to think about. Did I want to know? Did it make it more real for me? Was this putting me one step closer to being a mother? “Yes, please.”

“It’s a boy.” She pointed to an area between the two legs. “See right there.”

I didn’t know what I was looking at, but agreed anyway. “Yeah.”



“You’re too far along now for an abortion, but have you considered other options? Adoption perhaps?” She asked.

“No. I’d never give my own child away, or terminate the pregnancy, even if there was still time. Things happen for a reason, and like it or not, this is my future now.”

“I admire your courage. With that being said, you’re going to have to make a lot of changes with your life.”

When she said it my general practitioner came into the room. She saw the screen and placed her hands in her pockets as she took a look for herself. “Wow. Look at that little baby. Amantha, you’re halfway through your pregnancy.”

“Sorry I questioned you. I couldn’t come to terms with the news.”