Destroyed(131)

Everywhere.

Huge canvases of her smiling, running, dancing. I couldn’t breathe. I was sure my heart ceased to beat. This must be the gateway to heaven.

Had I died from sadness?

I could sense her. Hear her laugh. Smell her apple scent.

Roan’s strong presence appeared on my right. “Are you okay?”

I barely nodded, too consumed with the blown up pictures of Clara. Her smile radiated, so full of life. “H—how?”

“Obsidian has security cameras. I went back through the footage and saved some shots to remind you she’ll always be here. Even if she’s gone.” He drifted forward, toward the largest picture decorating the walls. It was a portrait of me and Clara walking hand in hand in the gardens. Her purple ribbon had wrapped around my arm and we were laughing, trying to untangle ourselves.

All the air deflated from my body, but instead of collapsing in a waterfall of tears, I sighed with a strange mix of peace and nostalgia. Roan had stolen my daughter by falling in love with her but he’d given her back to me, too.

“I—I don’t know what to say.” I clutched my stomach, holding in the pain of missing her.

He smiled. His scar looked less angry, making him softer, tamer. “Don’t say anything. Whenever it gets too much, come in here and talk to her. She’ll always be with you.” He hung his head, trailing a fingertip over a horse statue I hadn’t noticed.

I spun, taking in the details of the room. In every corner rested bronze and copper horses from Roan’s collection at Obsidian.

“I know it’s stupid, but I hear her. In here.” Roan tapped his temple, then dropped his hand to his heart. “I feel her. In here.”

Oh, God.

Sadness, heartache, and overwhelming tragedy bubbled in my chest. Popping and fizzing until my insides rained with glistening tears. But my eyes stayed dry.

I stayed strong to accept the incredible gift Roan had given me.

“I hear her, too.” I moved forward, tracing a finger over a beautiful sun-drenched photo of Clara picking daisies. “I think I’ll always hear her.”

I couldn’t believe the scarred man before me was the same fighter who’d bought me for sex. He’d changed so much—yet still seemed the same.

I needed him. I needed to show him how grateful I was. How much he gave me. “Take me back to the bedroom,” I whispered.

Roan’s eyes widened. “We don’t have—”

I shook my head. “I want to.” The grief suddenly receded, leaving me blessedly light. Standing in the room surrounded by Clara, I found the strength to put aside my tears and celebrate what I’d gained rather than what I lost.

You need to tell him.

I needed to make it official and stop hiding from the future hurtling toward me. I needed to tell him about his son.

Roan’s shoulders bunched and he came slowly toward me. His lips thinned. “I want you, Zel. God knows how much I f*cking want you.” He dropped his eyes, glaring at his fists. “But I’m still struggling inside. I want to be gentle. To hold you and make love to you. But…I won’t be able to and I don’t want to take you violently. Not today.”

My heart raced. I didn’t reply. What could I say? I accepted that and still wanted him. I wasn’t asking to be held while I cried and be rocked to sleep. I was asking to forget—for a short while.

Clara’s memory would still be there to mourn once I’d thanked Roan with all my heart.

“I understand. I need what you can give me. I need to be reminded of how to fight. I’m sick of tears.” Giving him one last look, I moved toward the door.

I didn’t wait for him to follow. Pacing down the corridor, I entered the white bedroom, already prickling with heat and regret. Could I celebrate life and accept everything the new pregnancy would offer? Could I put aside my grief for just a moment to spend time with my future, rather than my past?

My eyes fell on the fluffy, perfectly crafted sheep resting by the large windows.

Clara’s sheep.

Sunlight struck the bronze, dancing like tarnished rainbows onto the white carpet.

“Don’t be sad, mummy. I don’t want you to be sad.”

My heart died all over again but this time, it restarted with a slight thread of hope. Hope that I could survive and wouldn’t buckle beneath the loss.

Arms banded around me from behind. Roan’s hot breath caressed my neck as he nuzzled my ear. “I’ll stop. Just say the word and I’ll leave.”

I arched my back into him. “Take me. Make me come back to life.”

Roan groaned, picking me up and carrying me toward the bed. “I’ll never stop kissing you or loving you. I’ll never stop working hard to f*cking deserve you.”

Settling me on the mattress, his body collapsed on mine. His knee forced my legs apart as he rested his fully-clad body against me. The bathrobe fell apart and his hand landed on my side, sending electric fire darting all over.

I’d never get used to the ferocious tingles or sharp connection when we touched.

“You’ll never be alone again, Zel. I’m all f*cking yours.” His mouth captured mine. His smoky scent intoxicated me and every taste bud came alive as his sinful tongue entered my mouth. He stole every thought. Every tear. He made me focus on one thing only.

Him.