Destroyed(126)

My legs threatened to buckle as weakness filled me. Weakness for what he offered. Weakness for needing him.

I do love you and that’s what cripples me.

With my last reserves, I tried to stop the inevitable. “You were meant to help me save her. You were meant to save me.” I sucked in a breath, running out of oxygen as grief took me hostage once more. “You—you—” My voice broke and my heart died all over again. “You were supposed to save both of us, yet you didn’t. She died, Roan. She’s—she’s—she’s gon—” I couldn’t finish as massive sobs exploded from my lungs.

A week I’d cried but I hadn’t found comfort in tears. I hadn’t found peace or a place to heal.

But now I did.

It felt caustic and healing and purifying.

Tidal wave after tidal wave.

I let go.

My heart broke, and I crumbled. I let everything free and drenched his black shirt.

Fox held me, giving me somewhere to cling. He smoothed my hair and kissed my cheek and fed me strength just by holding me.

He gave me what I needed all along. He smashed all my reservations that he couldn’t give me what I desired and proved love could change anyone—no matter how destroyed.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ve got you,” he murmured. He rocked me until my legs gave out, then scooped me into his strong arms.

I barely noticed I went from vertical to horizontal as my mind wept for everything I’d lost. Fox cuddled me close just like I’d wanted and dreamed for. His heartbeat thudded thick and loud beneath my ear, giving me an anchor to focus on.

“Don’t be sad, mummy. I don’t want you to be sad.”

“I’m here and I’m never leaving. You don’t have to fight on your own anymore, Zel.” His voice rumbled in his chest, sending shockwaves through my body.

My eyes filled with fire. A pain that burned and stabbed and lacerated as I cried and cried and cried. The eternity of relief he granted turned me from woman to puddle. The knowledge that my battles were halved; that every high and low would now be shared sent another crash of sorrow over me.

If only I’d met him sooner. If only the doctors had found out about Clara sooner. If only…if only.

“I’ll give you everything, Zel. Everything that I am.” He kissed my jaw, my temple, my cheek. He worshipped me in kisses. “Please. Don’t make me beg. I can’t do this. I can’t be apart from you. I can’t. I need you so f*cking much.”

My back ached; every part of me was in pain. I was utterly ruined.

Tilting my chin upward, Fox pressed his lips against mine, drinking in the salt from my tears. He murmured against my mouth, “You’re mine, and I refuse to live without you.” He made me swallow every regret, every sadness he lived with. “You’re mine, Hazel Hunter. And I’m taking you home to heal.”

“He needs you, mummy. Go with him. Don’t be sad.”

My entire body vibrated with a potent mix of confusion, anger, and hunger. Hunger for him. Hunger for what he promised.

He didn’t wait for my reply. His tongue speared into my mouth, giving me no choice but to kiss him back. He took and he gave and he consumed, dragging unwilling desire through my blood until it throbbed in my core. He brought me back to life even though I wanted to stay wallowing in my tears. I wasn’t ready to face life without Clara. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready to embrace the world he offered or the baby growing inside me.

I’m not ready.

“Please,” he whispered. His breath tickled my cheek and my traitorous body hummed. He helped dull the pain of Clara. He gave me something else to focus on.

Forgive him. Accept him.

I pulled back.

His eyes were glazed and heavy. His body wrapped around mine as if he could protect me from so many other tragic things. Almost every part of me touched every part of him. How was that possible?

Sniffing back my tears, I asked, “How can you stand to be this close?”

He shook his head. “I’ll tell you if you come home with me.”

I wanted to say no. I deserved to live in misery. I didn’t deserve any chance at happiness. Why should a parent outlive her child?

But my trials in life had taught me nothing lasted forever and the best things were fleeting—treasures to be enjoyed for however long they lasted before they were gone. Clara was too precious—too perfect to last. I’d been granted a miracle and it had ended before I was ready.

“Don’t be sad. I don’t like it when you’re sad.”

I looked over Fox’s shoulder at the horses in the field. They tossed their manes, and pawed the ground, welcoming my daughter and granting her immortality. “Okay, Clara. Okay.”

Clara taught me precious things were worth fighting for. And the ultimate prizes of life demanded payments that sometimes seemed too high.

“Okay,” I whispered.

Fox looked as if the sun had finally found its way into his soul. “Okay?”

I nodded. “Okay, I’ll come home with you. For Clara. For us.”

This was the man I was in love with.

The father of my unborn child.

The man I wouldn’t give up on.





It turned out Clue and Ben knew my decision before me. They’d left, leaving me stranded and pissed off at their blatant disregard for my choices. Clue didn’t know what Fox was capable of. I doubted they would’ve been so keen to abandon me with a man with such a tangled past had they known.