Defiance (The Protectors #9)(80)

Even now, saying the things that had been drilled to us in sermon after sermon made me want to throw up. The fact that I’d actually believed them…that I’d thrown my brother aside in favor of believing the lies I’d been fed since birth…

“I’m so sorry, Brody,” I said with a shake of my head. “I wanted to protect you and that night when you told me that, I thought the devil was trying to steal your soul and-”

I fisted my hair in the hopes the pain would keep me from throwing up all over the place as my cruel words rang in my ears.

“I know, Nathan,” Brody said, and I felt his hand close over one of mine. He gently pried my fingers free of the death grip I had on my hair. “Believe me, I thought the same thing about myself. I didn’t want it to be true.”

“I should have talked to you…I should have listened instead of going to Dad.”

Brody’s fingers squeezed mine hard. “Nathan, please look at me.”

When I did, he said, “I know why you did it. You always did your best to protect me, and that’s what you thought you were doing that night.”

I dashed at the tears that threatened to fall. “I wish I could go back to that moment. I wish I could do it differently…there are so many things I wish I could have done differently.”

“Me too,” Brody murmured. “But I ended up where I was supposed to, Nathan. Just like I think you did, too. I don’t…I don’t want to live in the past. I don’t want to wonder how things could have been different, because every outcome I can think of would mean I never would have met Quinn or Beck. And the idea of not having them in my life…”

“I know,” I said quickly when Brody’s voice caught and he dropped his eyes. I forced his chin up. “I’m so happy for you. I couldn’t have dreamed up a better life for you.”

Brody smiled and nodded. “Nathan, I hope all this means you’re back in my life for good.”

“It does,” I said with a nod. “If you want that.”

Brody’s fingers closed around mine. “More than anything.”

I felt something inside of me ease at his words. I hadn’t been sure that was something he wanted, but knowing he did…it put me on cloud nine.

“I’m okay with us revisiting the past if and when we need to,” Brody murmured. “But today, I want to talk about the present…and the future.”

“I’d like that,” I said as I wiped a stray tear from my eye. “I’m sorry,” I whispered as I glanced at the arm that was in the sling. “I really thought he’d leave you alone if I stayed away.”

Brody gently opened my hand to reveal the line of stitches. “Did he do this?” he asked, his voice uneven.

I nodded. As much as I didn’t want to tell him about the attack, I knew I had to. He deserved my honesty, even if it was something that would be hard for him to hear.

He held my hand as I recounted the night of the attack. I heard him choke back tears at times, but he remained quiet. When I was finished and he still didn’t speak, I gently gripped his fingers and said, “I’m safe, Brody. Vincent won’t let anything happen to me.”

Brody nodded and wiped at his eyes. “Promise me you won’t go back there until this is resolved,” he said. I figured he was talking about my house, since that was where I’d been attacked.

“Promise,” I agreed.

“You said it was Beck’s father and uncle that asked Ronan to find someone to watch out for you.”

I nodded.

Brody chuckled. “Bastard’s been torturing me and Quinn for weeks.”

“What?”

Brody shook his head. “Cade. You know, playing the overprotective dad role. Making me and Quinn sleep in a different bedroom when we come for a visit. Sending us threatening looks and having some of the guys at family dinner give us subtle warnings.”

I must have looked startled because Brody quickly said, “It’s all in fun, Nathan. I think it’s some kind of family ritual with these guys…razz the newest members.”

The concept was both odd and comforting at the same time. Our own family had always been so serious that I couldn’t even imagine the banter Brody was talking about. But to know he’d been accepted into a family so different from our own…

“So things are good for you,” I clarified. “Here?” I asked as I looked around the big house.

“It’s an amazing family, Nathan. We’re not even the only guys in a threesome. Beck’s uncle and his husbands have been together for ten years now. They’ve got two daughters. And Beck’s cousin, Tristan, is in a relationship with two other men. So not only do we fit in, we don’t even stand out.”

I chuckled at that. “Well, I’m glad you’ve got a future father-in-law who’s looking out for you.”

“It could be the same for you, Nathan. Even if things don’t work out between you and Vincent, there’s still a place for you…with us. In Dare.”

My throat felt too thick to speak, so I nodded. Even though I knew I was going to lose Vincent at some point, hearing Brody actually say it somehow made it hurt even worse.

“Everything’s so fucked up right now, Brody,” I admitted. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”