Defiance (The Protectors #9)(67)
“What? It’s cool to see how much they’re able to sell the house for after they fix it up.”
“Pass,” I said.
Nathan made a rude sound, but changed the channel anyway. He began flipping again, but stopped suddenly on a news channel. He stiffened against me and then sat up.
“And I think the fact that Mr. Wilder hasn’t been seen or heard from in nearly a week should have the good people of this state wondering if he’s fit for the demanding challenges of this office.”
I knew who the man was – Lawrence Braxton, the incumbent Republican Senator for the state of South Carolina. The same man whose seat Nathan was running for. The arrogant-looking asshole had a smug look on his face as he spoke with the reporter interviewing him.
The reporter, an older woman, said, “Mr. Wilder’s campaign has said he’s been battling the flu this week. Do you believe it’s something more, Senator Braxton? Do you believe he’s starting to crack under the pressure?”
The man let out a raucous laugh. “Now don’t you go putting words in my mouth, young lady,” he said with his best Southern drawl. “But I do have to wonder if someone with no political experience and who seems to volley on every position you all ask him about…well now, should he really be given the responsibility of speaking for our great state in the mire of Washington?”
The interview ended and the anchor in the news studio began talking about another story, so Nathan changed the channel, but stopped flipping through them. I sat up and used my fingers to brush some hair behind his ear, even though it didn’t need it. It was just an excuse to touch him.
“You okay?” I asked.
Nathan nodded. “I think that’s part of the problem. I am okay.”
“What do you mean?”
He was silent for a moment as he stared at the TV. Then he turned to me and said, “In the past, I would have been on the phone to Preston strategizing a response. But…I just don’t care. What does that say, Vincent?” he asked. “About me? About my campaign? About why I’m really doing this?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what you mean, Nathan,” I admitted.
He sighed. “Yeah, me neither, I guess. I just…”
“Just what?” I prodded.
“Everything’s changed so much and so fast.”
“Things will be clearer when life gets back to normal,” I offered. But my words seemed to agitate him more. He didn’t respond. Just nodded and settled back against my side and began flipping channels again.
“Did you always know you wanted to go into politics?” I heard myself asking. It was a topic we’d both worked hard to avoid, but I found myself avidly interested in the subject now. Of course, I was interested in everything there was to know about this man.
“No,” he said. “It was more like I accepted it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Brody was the one with big dreams. When people would ask him what he wanted to be, he’d have those stock answers like being a fireman or an astronaut.”
“And you?”
“I was too afraid to answer.”
“Afraid? How so?”
“Growing up in the Wilder household was about one thing and one thing only. Having the right answer. And by right, I mean the answer my father wanted you to have. I got that early on. Brody struggled with it. It was harder for him to accept that our lives had already been decided for us. I tried to help him by taking the attention off him…by doing things so well, he’d maybe have a chance to be the things he wanted. It didn’t really work, though. I think he resented me, and my father just saw him as a failure and a disappointment. I guess in the end, I just made things worse.”
“You were trying to protect him,” I said softly.
“Trying and doing aren’t the same thing,” he responded. “Brody was always the brave one. He was the one who had the guts to ask why things were the way they were. I just did what was expected. Straight A’s in school, captain of the football team, dated the most popular girl in school…I never broke the rules. Brody, he was always finding ways to stretch them.”
“So why stay in politics after you decided not to run as a Republican?”
“I thought I could undo some of what I’d done.”
“To Brody?” I asked carefully.
He nodded. He was still staring at the TV, but I knew he wasn’t watching what was on the screen anymore.
“Knowing people would never leave Brody alone to live his life…that he’d carry this label around that somehow made him less than human…I couldn’t just stand by and let that happen. This whole time I had myself convinced it was just about Brody and people like him. I don’t know why it was so hard to admit the truth to myself.”
“Not many people seek out being different, Nathan. I sure as shit didn’t want to be gay,” I admitted. “I knew I wanted to be with David, but I think if I’d had a choice in the whole thing, I would have chosen the path that ensured I could have everything I wanted. Military career, family. I mean, who wants to have to fight for things that should just be a given? It shouldn’t have been about me fighting to be allowed to love whoever I wanted. But that’s what it became - that’s who I became. Not a soldier, not a man, not a brother. Gay. I’m gay first and everything else second. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.”