Dear Life(43)

A partner in crime. Hell, I could easily be that person for her but do I want to be? If I learned anything tonight, it’s that I can’t seem to leave her alone. So maybe being the one to liberate her will be the perfect distraction to get me through this godforsaken, let’s talk about our feelings and then dance around a rain stick program.

She exchanges a hopeful glance in my direction and I concede. “All right, Snowflake, you got your partner in crime.”

“Really? REALLY?” Jumping up and down, the watering can on her sweatshirt shifting with her movements, she cheers over her small victory. “Oh, I’m so excited. We are going to have the best time, Carter. I just know it. Oh, we can puffy paint together.”

“Watch it,” I hold up my finger to warn her, “there will be no puffy painting.”

We walk back to our circle and she bumps into my shoulder. “Never say never. Once you get that little bottle in your hand, you won’t be able to stop yourself from squeezing.”

Christ.

***

Dear Life,

Learning to let go and move on, there is no learning there. You can’t teach someone how to forget about their husband, how to live without them. Learning to let go comes from within. A deep inner strength I have yet to find, that honestly, I don’t necessarily want to find. Not yet at least.

But what I did find this past week surprised me. I found a friend. I found someone who has experienced similar pain and understands the damage losing a loved one can do to a soul.

Jace Barnes, Rookie of the Year, starting shortstop, and broken man. My new friend. Talking to him eases the pressure within my heart. He understands me. For the first time in over a year and a half, I’ve found someone who understands me.

For that, I guess I have to say thank you.

Sincerely,

Hollyn



Dear Life,

Wowza. Have you been paying attention these last few days? Did you see me out there in action, making friends? Did you see those text messages? Brilliant, right?

When Amanda showed me how to make a group text, which is actually quite simple, I couldn’t believe my luck when everyone started replying, interacting. And then the last thing I expected happened: Carter sent me a personal message.

For some reason, he makes me feel self-conscious but also invigorated. He makes me question everything, but also challenges me. Is that possible? That’s why I asked him to guide me through this convoluted world, to assist me through the ups and downs because there is no doubt in my mind that no matter what happens, he will try to protect me, and in this big scary world, I need a protector.

What’s going to happen next? I have no clue, but whatever it is, it’s going to change that girl in the mirror. Here’s to another step to a new me.

Kind regards,

Daisy



Dear Life,

Growing up in the foster care system taught me some valuable lessons. One, guard yourself and guard your possessions, you never know what might happen to them at any given time. Two, family is everything, it’s what every lonely kid wishes, hopes, and prays for. And three, love isn’t handed out in droves. Love is resigned for those who are special enough to find someone in their life to accept them for who they are and never let go.

I have my possessions. I’ve never been one for materialistic things, but the few items I’ve kept have meaning in my life. They will forever stay with me.

Family, I’m still hoping and praying for one. Even at my age, I want a family. Hope, she was my family but just like every other cruel happening in my life, I lost her too.

And love, well, maybe someday.

What do I have? An open and understanding ear in Hollyn. A small close-knit group of people to lean on. And hope for the future, hope that I might just be able to become mentally healthy again.

Only time will tell.

Jace



Dear Life,

Puffy paint? Fuck you.

Carter





Step Four: Dream Big


DAISY


“Come on you stubborn . . . little . . . thing. Oye!” I screech once the latch hook finally pops into the designated hole I’ve been trying to squeeze it through. “Stop being so difficult,” I chastise the latch-hook rug I’ve been working on for my grams.

When I was in Michaels the other day, picking up some more puffy paint for the dream board we’re supposed to be putting together for Dear Life, I took a gander at the latch-hook rugs and saw a design with two puppies on the front, and I thought what a wonderful “housewarming” present I could give Grams. It would be the perfect little rug for her to step on when she first gets out of bed. It’s always nice to step onto something warm when you first get out of bed rather than a cold, hard floor.

She will love it!

I just didn’t think it was going to be this stubborn.

“Daisy! Are you up in your room?” Amanda’s voice travels up the staircase.

Hopping off my bed, I straighten my green corduroy overalls, and head downstairs. “Hey, everything okay?” I ask.

In the entryway, Amanda is standing with her purse on her shoulder and Hollyn next to her, both wearing coats.

“Oh, hi Hollyn.”

“Hey, Daisy.”

She turns to Amanda and they exchange a conspiratorial look. What are they up to?

“We’re going to go look at bridesmaid’s dresses,” Amanda says, adjusting the strap of her purse.