Dear Life(47)

“Yeah, you’re not the first person to say that.” His phone beeps and I watch a small smirk appear on his face when he reads the message. He types something out in haste and then looks back out toward the mountains. I’ve only seen that smile on him one other time, when he’s talking to Daisy. So I decide to push my luck. “Besides the touchy-feely stuff you clearly don’t like to participate in, do you like the program?”

“No. Seems useless to me.”

“But the group is cool. It seems like you and Daisy get along well.”

From the mention of her name, his eyes shoot to mine. “What are you getting at?” he asks, seeing right through me. Yeah, he’s good.

“Just seeing where your head’s at with her.”

“You her big brother?”

“No. Just wondering.”

Avoiding my question, he asks, “What’s with you and Hollyn?”

“Nothing really,” I answer honestly. “We are kind of going through the same thing, suffering from the loss of a loved one. We get each other. It’s nice to talk to someone you can relate to. Kind of like you and Daisy, how you both want to free yourselves.”

“Daisy and I are completely different. She’s exploring the world for the first time. I know the shit the world has to offer.”

“But you’re helping her,” I add.

He shrugs his shoulders. “There is something about her I like. She fascinates me. If I have to do this program, I might as well help her on her journey.”

“She’s pretty.”

Smirking, he says, “You want to talk about the obvious boner you’re sporting for Hollyn?”

I cringe. “Fuck.”

“Dude, you stare way too much.”

This isn’t news to me. I know I stare too much, but for good reason. With her sleek, red hair, bright green eyes, and light splattering of freckles, she’s fucking gorgeous. Not to mention her sarcastic tongue and endearing personality. It’s hard, but I know to keep my distance.

She’s still grieving her husband. Her fucking husband. A man she obviously loved deeply. From the look in her eyes when she talks about him, it’s clear their love is the kind of love I’ve always wanted. It’s passionate, deep, soul-wrenching.

I can’t go there, though. It almost feels wrong, lusting after another man’s wife. I know Eric’s passed, and it’s been a while, but it still feels wrong.

Does it feel wrong because I’m not a man who cheats? Would that be referred to as cheating?

Or is it because just from looking at Hollyn, I know she hasn’t let him go?

Maybe a combination of both.

“It’s a moot point,” I say. “She’s still too raw from losing her husband.” Does she notice me staring? Does it make her uncomfortable? Fuck, I hope not.

Thoughtfully, Carter says, “I remember when Eric died. It was a dark day in the restaurant. I only met the man once, but even that brief moment I shared with him, his positive attitude was contagious. One of those guys who could rally the darkest of rooms. Pretty sure he would kick us Dear Lifers all in the ass.”

A lively spirit, doesn’t surprise me. I couldn’t imagine Hollyn with anyone else.

“When Eric died, he took Hollyn’s spirit with him. She’s not the same person she once was. She used to be witty, amusing. We never really got along but at least back then, we didn’t tear each other apart. After Eric died, my uncle had to put us on different shifts.”

“Can’t blame her, man. I know what it’s like. I’m not the same man I was before Hope was born.”

“Hope,” Carter tests the name out. “Is that your daughter’s name?”

I nod, my throat starting to grow tight. “Yeah, Alex and June named her Hope because that’s what I gave them—a bundle of hope.”

Fuck me, if I start crying right now.

Instead of pushing further, sensing the tension coiling inside me, Carter leans forward and sets his beer on the coffee table. “I think I’m going to head out.”

Forcing out the words, I say, “Okay.”

Together, we walk to the door, not exchanging any pleasantries, both well aware of the heaviness resting in our conversation.

Before he leaves, Carter says, “Good luck at spring training.”

“Thanks, man.”

I open the door, my head cast down at the ground since our conversation turned heavy quickly. There is no need for the man to see me break down. Carter is about to walk out of my apartment when he abruptly stops and say, “Uh, sorry. I didn’t see you there.”

Didn’t see you there?

Glancing up, I see Rebecca standing at my door, a determined look on her face, a strong set in her shoulders. My body freezes, my heart begins to rapidly beat in my chest, and all I can think is what the hell does she want?

Without another word, Carter leaves. What I wouldn’t give to force him to come back so I have a buffer, because from the look in Rebecca’s eyes, I’m not going to like the reason she’s here.

Grabbing the back of my neck, my other hand on the door, I ask, “Rebecca, what are you doing here?”

With conviction in her voice, she looks me dead in the eyes, no waver to them whatsoever. “I want her back, Jace. I want my baby back.”