Dear Aaron(114)

There were only three words on the screen, but they were the three words I’d hoped he wouldn’t write.

It was him?

We both knew who “him” was.

But I couldn’t actually type the words out and make it a reality. What I did manage to do was turn my head and meet those brown eyes even though I really, really didn’t want to, those irises met mine so openly and evenly, and I nodded.

Aaron blinked.

His throat bobbed.

But his gaze didn’t go anywhere else.

The breath that came out of his nose was strangled.

Those brown eyes moved over my face as his hands moved to his knees. He squeezed them. Once, twice.

And then he looked away and let out another deep breath that ripped the air right out of the room as it filled his lungs.

I was so stupid.

I’d been so stupid. Why? Why had I done that? I’d asked myself that a thousand times over the last three years, and I still didn’t have an answer that made me feel any better. Chances were, I never would.

My heart started racing even faster, and tears pooled in the back of my eyes as I faced forward just like Aaron had done. For a second, I thought about getting up and going to my room, saying I had a headache or something. But I didn’t want to be that person any more. Goose bumps rose on my arms and my stomach started cramping and a part of me wanted to throw up.

For all the world knew, Squirt was still a virgin. I’d never told anyone about that before. Not even my best friend. Not anyone.

Only Aaron.

And I’d kept my secret for this exact reason.

I lifted my left hand and ignored the way it shook as I swiped it along my lower lash line, holding back tears. I’d tried to justify my actions by telling myself I’d been young and dumb, but it hadn’t helped at all. The only thing that had soothed me had been that no one except Hunter and I had known what happened. I could still remember the bright smile on my mom’s face when I’d walked into the house after he dropped me off—after Hunter had sat inside his car and hadn’t even bothered walking me to the door. She had asked me, looking expectant and happy, “How was it, Squirt? Did you have fun?”

And in one of the rare moments of my life, I’d lied to my mom and managed not to burst into tears even though I’d wanted more than anything to do that. I had told her, “It was fun. Hunter dropped me off.”

I’d cried so hard in the shower, trying to get everything off. Off, off, off. When Hunter had shown up to the house the next morning, claiming I’d left my ID with him, I’d been hopeful, so freaking hopeful. But it had only taken him saying two words for me to know I’d misinterpreted why he’d come by.

The rest was history.

It had been my fault I’d been dumb enough to hold on to some blind faith that he’d somehow come back into my life in the end. It had been my fault I’d put my life on hold waiting for a love that would never present itself. Everything had been my fault.

Out of my peripheral vision, I saw both of Aaron’s hands go up to his face, the fingertips pressing against his brow bone as he let out an uneven breath. I could see Max watching him with a frown, as if he couldn’t understand what was his deal. It wasn’t like I would tell him.

“Aaron,” I whispered, touching the back of my hand to the section of thigh exposed from his shorts riding up.

He peeked at me from his left eye. And then he was up on his feet, maybe not intentionally shaking off my touch but basically doing the same thing as he strode toward the patio doors leading to the deck and disappearing through them, closing them with a lot more strength than was necessary.

Max looked at me with wide eyes, his forehead furrowed. “What’s his deal?”

I wasn’t about to give him a detailed explanation, but I could tell him part of it, even knowing this was his best friend and he might not like me afterward for making Aaron upset. “I think I made him mad.”

Max’s facial expression changed so quick I almost missed it. He rolled his eyes and let out a snort. “Ah. Don’t worry about it. That just means he cares about you. That’s the only reason he ever gets mad. I piss him off all the time.”

What was that supposed to mean? I’d just watched him get mad yesterday at whoever he’d spoken to on the phone. Who could it have been then?

“Give him a minute. He’ll be over it in a sec,” Max assured me easily.

I hesitated. Did I want to go out there? Nope. But… I thought that maybe I did. Hadn’t I already learned the hard way that when something was bothering him, he shut down and retreated until he was over it? My sister Jasmine was the same way, and even with her I’d learned that sometimes the people who instinctively went with that reaction, needed someone to say “screw it” and go after them anyway.

The last thing I wanted was for Aaron to think I didn’t care about his feelings, even if I absolutely didn’t want to confront him about anything related to Hunter.

I gave Max a weary smile as I got to my feet and let out a shaky breath through my mouth before heading toward the deck. I didn’t open the doors quietly, I wanted him to know I was coming, and closed them behind me when I spotted him with his elbows on the deck railing, his fingers laced together. Even with only the light from the living room illuminating the space, I could see the tightness along his jaw and cheekbones. I could sense the rigidity in his body.