Dare You To (Pushing the Limits, #2)(119)

“Cash,” says Shirley. “She’s not going to last much longer      the way she’s been going. The decision is yours. She’s your responsibility.”

Shirley walks out of the room. I try to inhale, but it’s      virtually impossible with the burden weighing me down. Ever since I was eight      years old, the responsibility of my mother has been on me. I’ve taken care of      her. Moved her. Fed her. Made sure she went to work or helped her find jobs. But      right now, what I want more than anything is for my mom to take care of me. I’m      done being the grown-up. For a few minutes I want to be the kid. I want my mom.      I just want my mom.

A light touch moves across my hand. “Don’t be sad,      Elisabeth,” my mother mumbles.

I sniff. “I’m not sad.”

“I dreamed of you. You and your daddy. I miss him.” Her      fingers lightly grasp my wrist. “I miss you. You were a beautiful baby.”

“Why?” A tangle of anger and sadness and happiness weaves      around my soul and strangles the scream fighting to leave my throat. She’s      alive, but she almost died. “Why do you have to make everything so f*cking      hard?”

“Come here. I like you better sad. I hate it when you’re      angry.” She tugs on my wrist and ignores my question. “I want to hold my      baby.”

I feel like I’m five as I crawl on the bed and rest my head      between the crook of her arm and her chest. Her fingers weakly pick at my hair.      “You were born on a Tuesday.”

I close my eyes and will the hurt to leave, but it doesn’t      go away. It stabs at me over and over again. I’m so tired. So damned tired. I      don’t want to think about Trent or heroin or running away or about the      responsibility I thought I could abandon.

“It was an awfully hot day. You were so beautiful, but so      tiny. The doctor wouldn’t let me hold you for three weeks because you were      early. Your daddy loved you then. He came by the hospital twice before your      grandma brought us home. Scott was excited to hold a baby for the first      time.”

Her bony fingers relax against my head and I wish she’d tell      me she loves me, because I love her. She may be a drug addict and an alcoholic      and she’s probably a whore, but she’s my mom. My mom.

“I loved to take you to the mall. People would stop me and      tell me what a beautiful baby you were. I’d let them hold you and they’d try to      guess your name. You were so cute and you never cried. You were my own personal      baby doll.”

I wrap my arm around her and cringe when I feel her ribs      poking through her skin. Mom sighs and continues, “I named you after my momma,      hoping if I did she’d change her mind and love us both. My momma left me,      Elisabeth, but I never left you. Never.”

No, my mother never left me and that is the reason why I owe      her. I grew up knowing the sacrifice she made on my behalf. I hold my breath to      keep my body from shaking with sobs. My mom needs me and I can’t be soft any      longer. I did this to her. I left her behind.

“You’re still coming for me, right, Elisabeth? On      Monday?”





Chapter 61

Ryan

IN A WRINKLED POLO and a pair      of jeans, Scott leans against the wall at the end of the emergency room. He      raises an eyebrow when he spots me, but then lowers it as if he’s too tired to      care. “How did you know she was here?”

“Your wife told me.” I came straight from the competition to      Scott’s house so I could share my news and give Beth the roses. My world came      crashing down when Allison said those three words: Beth’s mother overdosed.

I glance into the room and immediately look away. The sight of      Beth curled up on the bed with her mother is too intimate for anyone to      witness—including me. “How long has she been in there?”

“A while.” Scott kneads his eyes with his fists, just like Beth      does when she’s had all she can handle. I see a lot of Beth in Scott. “How did      the writing competition go?”

And just like Beth, he’ll avoid the bleeding elephant in the      room. “I won.”

If he weren’t so tired, the smile on his face would appear      natural. “Congratulations. How did your team do against Eastwick?”

“They won too.” Just like I knew they would. They’re a great      team and I’m proud to be a part of them.