Crown Jewels (Off-Limits Romance #1)(77)

“I didn’t mind it at all before I got to know you.”

“And now?”

She heaves another deep sigh. “Now it makes me wonder if this whole thing is a mistake.”

“What whole thing? You mean this now? With us?”

“I guess it’s not even a thing. Not really.”

I can feel her ribs expand with another deep breath. I can’t see her face, but I can feel her misery.

“Lucy…” I wrap my arms around her waist, spreading a hand over her belly. “It’s a thing.” I clench my teeth, trying to think of how the fuck to explain myself. I’ve never been good at this shit. I think of all the girls who’ve hunted me since I became a teenager, and I can’t a dry laugh. “I don’t even know why, Lucy. The timing…” I shake my head, thinking of Drucilla and Ronald. “Suffice it to say, I did not plan on this. Not this,” I clarify, stroking her flat belly, “but…this thing with us.”

It makes my chest feel tight to say it out loud. Like putting words to how I feel will make it fall apart. Will make her disappear.

“I didn’t mean to for it to happen,” I manage in a quiet tone.

“Didn’t mean for what to happen?”

I lean my forehead against her shoulder, breathing deeply as the world around me tilts.

“I didn’t mean to care for you this way. I never meant to care this way for anyone.”

I don’t even know it’s true until I hear the words spoken. Then I feel like something’s got me by the throat.

Lucy’s hand trails over both of mine, still clasped around her waist. Her fingers stroke the tops of my knuckles.

“It’s not just you. I feel the same way,” she says in a voice close to a whisper. Peg stops near the muddy fringes of The Pool, and Lucy looks over her shoulder, her eyes round and serious on mine.

“I was nervous that it was just me. It makes me glad to know it’s not.” She smiles, and all the pressure on my chest seems to dissipate.

“It’s not. Damn you, Lucy.” I pull her close, kissing her cheek. “I don’t mean that, acushla.”

I help Lucy off the horse, and seconds later, her back’s pressed against a tree trunk and I’m kissing up and down her throat. I can’t help myself. I need her. I hate it—and I love it.

“You’re so beautiful.”

We kiss so long and hard, first against the tree, then on a blanket I spread out for us, when Lucy pulls away panting, I feel dizzy. Her hand goes back between my legs.

“I want to get you off again.” She grins. “I like to.”

“I like you to, too.”

“But maybe we should get into the springs. It’s getting dark.”

She’s right; it is. Where did they day go?

“You’re right,” I say. “Let’s get in, then we’ll go back to the castle.”

“Someone else will pack up camp?”

I smirk, slightly abashed. “Of course.”

“Hey—I’m not complaining.”

We float in the springs for not as long as Lucy wants to—but I’m extra vigilant about the baby. “I don’t want you to get too hot,” I tell her as I dry her with a giant towel.

She snorts. “It’s way too late for that.”

I chuckle softly. “Lucy Su. That’s what your friends call you?”

“Yeah. For Lucille Sutton, which is my middle name.”

“I like it.” I kiss her neck, and soon it’s even darker. The moon is shining brightly by the time we leave the grove, Luce wearing one of my giant Sox hoodies, a pair of soft leggings, and boots.

As I wrap my arms around her waist and sway lightly with Peg’s gait, I’m forced to admit to myself that something is wrong. For the last half of the day, I’ve been feeling shitty—kind of nauseated, the way Lucy says she feels sometimes. As we ride back toward the castle, I wonder if her hormones could make me feel off as well. Or I’m having some kind of anxiety attack. My arms and hands feel weak, and my heart is racing bad enough to make me sweat. I’ve got a throbbing headache, so bad I lean my head against Lucy’s shoulder for a minute.

“You all right back there, butt rider?”

I smile weakly, nodding. “Headache.”

I squeeze her slightly, wrapping myself closer around her.

“I like it,” I whisper near her ear.

“Like what? Having a headache?”

“I like that you’re having my baby.”

“Yeah?” she says.

I fold my hand over her belly. “We’ll be good.”

“Good parents?”

I nod. “We don’t have to live here. We can raise it in America. Whatever we want.”

“Really?”

I nod. That much, I can promise her.

“Do you want to raise the baby together?”

I nod against her shoulder.

“What if…we’re not together?”

“Whatever we want, Luce. We’re the parents. I respect you, I like being with you. It’ll be okay.”

I cut my throbbing gaze up toward the stars. They’re bright tonight. They make me feel so fucking small. I hope I can be good to the baby. Nothing like my own father.