Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4)(33)

“Weeks?”

“Yes. You won’t be medically discharged for a while, so you might as well get comfortable. You’re not going anywhere.”

I took a deep breath, hating that she said that, and immediately touched my ribs.

Fuck that hurt.

She walked over to my bed and handed me what looked like a controller.

“You’re on a morphine drip. At least for the next few days until we’ve figured out where your pain is centered and how high your tolerance is. Then we can switch you over to doses throughout the day. When the pain is too much, you press this button. Okay?”

I nodded, tucking the controller at my side.

“I’m serious, Austin. No playing Mr. Tough Guy. You just had a dosage not too long ago so that’s why you’re feeling somewhat stable. But I promise you once the pain kicks in, it will be unbearable, you—”

“I got it.”

She nodded again, giving me a worried look.

“Do you remember anything? The accident? Do you remember what happened?”

All eyes fell on me. I couldn’t tell if their expressions were hopeful that I would or optimistic that I wouldn’t remember.

Drinking with Charles all day.

Finding Alex on the pier.

Dragging her to his party.

Dancing.

Laughing.

Drinking some more...

Driving drunk.

Racing Jason.

Woods…

Driving faster and faster and faster.

A shortcut.

A tree.

“Half-Pint?” I stated as a question.

She lowered her eyebrows. “Austin, do you remember?”

I peered around the room and then it hit me like a ton of f*cking bricks.

Almost. Killing. Alex.

I swallowed hard, trying to control my breathing. My emotions. The machine that I was hooked up to suddenly started making a lot of noise.

“Austin, it’s alright. She’s okay, she’s—”

“Right here,” Alex broke in.

I blinked a few times. I wondered if it was just my dazed and confused mind playing tricks on me. She was in a wheelchair, Lucas standing behind her. Her hand firmly placed on her lap. She looked so tiny in that chair, her beautiful face covered in nothing but bruises and cuts. The hospital gown did nothing to hide more of the same on her body.

I sucked in air that wasn’t available for the taking. My eyes now wide, my body now shuddering.

It took everything inside me not to breakdown.

“I’m fine,” Alex coaxed as if she knew what I was thinking, what I was feeling.

What I needed to hear.

“Answer the question, Austin,” Lucas demanded, bringing my attention to him. “Do you remember what you did?”

“Bo, that’s—”

“I’m sorry,” I found myself saying. “I don’t. I don’t remember anything,” I lied.

Not because I was scared of the consequences.

Not because I was afraid of facing the boys, my parents or even the cops.

Not from any of that.

I was f*cking terrified that if I told her the truth, that if Alex knew I remembered almost killing her, she would never look at me the way she was looking at me right then and there. And I would lose the only girl that ever mattered to me.

The girl I was supposed to protect.

The girl that I vowed to never hurt.

My best friend.

“Alex, you shouldn’t be up. You need—”

“I’m fine,” she reprimanded with a stern tone. “I’m not leaving until I talk to Austin. Alone. Now, if all of you could please give us a few minutes.”

Aubrey’s mom looked back and forth between us. “You have ten minutes.”

Everyone left, much to Lucas’s disapproval. He lingered at the door before disappearing into the hallway. Alex got up off the wheelchair to shut the door. I opened my mouth to stop her.

“I’m fine,” she interrupted, walking over to me. Sitting on my bed, right next to my waist.

The guilt was eating me alive with each passing minute.

I couldn’t take it anymore and instantly pulled her into my arms, hugging her as tight as I could. I didn’t give a f*ck how much it hurt my ribs. I was so grateful that she was alive.

That I didn’t kill her.

She willingly came. Wrapping her arms around my neck. For the first time I was the one to tuck my face into the side of her neck. Needing comfort, reassurance, and love.

Needing her.

Even though I didn’t deserve any of it. Not after what I did.

“I’m so sorry, Half-Pint. I’m so f*cking sorry,” I openly bawled not being able to hold back.

“Shhh…” She rubbed my back. “Shhh… Austin. I’m fine. It wasn’t your fault and it doesn’t matter. We’re alive, and I love you no matter what. Shhh…” she soothed, whispering reassuring words, over and over again.

All lies.

Every last one of them.

But I didn’t stop her.

I broke down until I couldn’t anymore.

She told me that she didn’t remember anything either. She told me that everything was going to be okay. She told me that she loved me over and over again. She told me everything I wanted to hear, everything I needed to hear. It should have made me feel better.