Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4)(29)

She chuckled, shaking her head. “No girls.”

I laughed, “A guy can dream, right?”

She grinned, nudging me with her shoulder. “How long have you known?”

All our lives. “Long enough.”

She nodded with understanding as she turned to look back out over the water.

“The boys—”

“I know,” I interrupted, already knowing what she was going to say. “In all fairness though, they’re just looking out for you, Alex. It’s what we’ve always done. It’s not coming from a bad place. You know we love you more than anything.”

“I know.”

The boys had definitely done some damage when it came to their relationship, and maybe I had my part in it too. Over the last year I thought a lot about my childhood, about the things I couldn’t change and for the first time…

I didn’t want to.

Every memory, every moment, every life event brought me to this place in time where I was content and comfortable in my own skin. Finally, finding some solid ground to the rocky foundation that had always been placed beneath me.

“I don’t think you do. I know you, Alex. I’ve known you as long as I’ve known them. You and Lucas have always had a special unbreakable bond. When I was a kid, I used to be jealous of your relationship. It wasn’t because I wanted you in that way or anything, it was more because I never had that connection to anyone. You’re like my little sister and that applies to all of us,” I revealed, knowing it was the effects of the booze I’d been drinking all day.

Part of what I said was true and part of it wasn’t.

Half-truths, so many lies. Too many lies.

But I still found myself saying them because it was what she needed to hear. And at the end of the day, she was all that ever mattered.

To all of us.

“Except you and Lucas complete each other. You balance each other out in a way that we all do for one another, but you had your own dynamic going on.”

She nodded in understanding.

“As the youngest, I’ve always felt like the odd man out with the rest of the boys. I guess that’s why I try to do everything to the extreme. I need to make up for it or something,” I admitted out loud.

I had nothing to lose anymore.

I’d lost it all already.

When I realized that, was when I started living.

“Austin,” she murmured, completely surprised by my outburst. “I never knew you felt that way.”

I shrugged. “I’m good at hiding things, we have that in common. The boys have never made me feel like that by any means, at least not on purpose. It’s still there, though. You know Lucas always tells me that we’re a lot alike, and I never understood what he meant until they left,” I paused, reflecting on what I was about to confess to her. The alcohol making it easier to do so. “Both of us wanting to be one of the boys.”

She gazed at the side of my face. “I’ve never thought that about you. Not ever.”

I nodded. “And I’ve never thought that about you, but it doesn’t change the fact that you felt that way, does it?”

“No,” she half-whispered.

I smiled sadly and bowed my head for a few seconds, only looking back up when I was ready.

“I graduate in a few months.”

“Three months,” she stated, like she was counting down the days until she would really be alone.

I glanced at her, smiling, and it eased the worry she felt in her heart.

“You going to miss me, Half-Pint?”

“Always,” she bellowed, her eyes blurring.

I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her into my chest, kissing the top of her head and letting my lips linger. I had eaten some food and put some gum in my mouth before I left, to cover up the stench of alcohol. Alex was too innocent and na?ve to realize I had been drinking. Which only made me pull her closer to my chest.

“I will always be here for you, it doesn’t matter where I am. I will always take care of you, and I will always love you. You’re my Half-Pint,” I vowed, my voice breaking.

As hard as it was for her to know that I was leaving her, it was just as hard for me to be leaving her. Even though I wanted nothing more than to get the f*ck out of this town.

She sniffed. “Ditto.”

“One day we won’t care what the boys think about us or what we do. On that day, we will both be extremely happy,” I said, silently praying it would be true.

That was the hardest pill to swallow.

“So…” I brushed off the sentiments. “It’s Saturday night and Charlie’s throwing one of his raging parties. Let’s go,” I urged, standing up and reaching out my hand for her. “No,” I coaxed, shaking my head before she could answer. “I don’t want to hear your bullshit excuses about this or that. You will have fun with me. You will drink. You will dance. You will party. And that’s a f*cking order.”

She giggled and rolled her eyes. “Okay.”

I wanted to spend one night with her where I didn’t think about tomorrow or the next day or the day after that. How things might change between us after I left. How we may not be as close to one another as we had been this last year without the boys around.

I wanted one night where we could both let go.