Conviction(82)

“Yeah, sorry about that. It was the same dream every time I went back to sleep.”

“You wanna tell me about it?”

“Nothing to tell, really. I was looking for something that I couldn’t find. I don’t know what it was and I never did find it.”

“Strange,” he says.

“Yeah, strange.”

The intercom for the front gates buzzes and we go to the front door to greet the local butcher who’s dropping off steak, chicken, chops, burgers and sausages. Conner tells me that the supermarket shop we did online Thursday night was delivered earlier.

We spend the next few hours marinating meat, making potato salad and coleslaw, all while dancing around the kitchen to Conner’s playlist. My mood lifting exponentially as I realise how many of the same songs we’ve downloaded over the years.

By three o’clock his family are all here. His nieces and nephews are all in the pool apart from Evie, Beth and Jordan’s six-year-old daughter, who hasn’t left my side.

“So, do you have any little girls?” she asks from her spot on my lap. She has dark hair like her dad, but as the sun shines through it I can see the auburn highlights she’s inherited from her mum. Like Conner’s dad and his brothers, she has the brightest of blue eyes.

“I don’t have any little girls, no,” I tell her.

“Do you have any babies?” she asks. Conner is sitting next to me, his arm’s resting across my shoulders, but his fingers instantly head under my hair and he runs them up and down my tattoo as soon as Evie asks her question. I don’t know exactly what he’s told his family about our history and in the moment it takes me to answer, Conner jumps in.

“A very long time ago, Nina and I had a baby that went to heaven.”

The entire conversation around the table stops. Conner keeps stroking my tattoo.

“That’s sad,” Evie states.

Jordan and Tyler are staring at him wide-eyed. Jenna is sitting next to me and reaches out her hand to mine.

“Oh Nina, I had no idea.” She gives my hand a squeeze and an unexpected tear escapes my eye and rolls down my cheek.

“Evie, why don’t you go and play in the pool before we have something to eat because you won’t be able to go in there after,” Beth suggests.

“Oookaaay.” Evie slides off my lap and heads down the deck steps to where the rest of the kids are. I turn to Conner. I can’t tell this story, I have a lump in my throat that I know I will choke on if I attempt to speak.

Conner continues stroking beneath my hair, while explaining to his brothers and their wives what happened on the night, that for them, they lost two members of their family.

By late evening, the adults have plenty of food and drink inside them and the boys and Conner’s dad are telling tales of the awful dinners that they endured growing up. The children are all inside, Ethan playing FIFA on the PlayStation against an online opponent while the girls all watch Frozen.

Eventually, Sandra and Conner’s dad take all the kids, except for Ethan, over to their place to sleep. The rest of us head inside and sit on the sofas, the boys carrying on with their tales of growing up.

I just get comfortable when I hear my phone ringing from where it’s on charge in the kitchen. Picking it up, I see that I have missed calls from Sophie and a couple of other friends. I call Sophie back first.

“You watching the news, Neen?” is her greeting. Last time I had a call like this from her, Jet died.

“No, why? What’s wrong?”

“The press have found out that you’re seeing Reed, they’ve just broken it to your mother as she was leaving some charity function.”

“Shit, how’d she take it?”

“Put it this way, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen Veronica without a comeback. In fact, she looked stunned. Put Sky News on, they’ve been all over it.”

“Yeah, I bet they have. Thanks for the heads up.”

“No worries, baby chick. Love ya.”

Conner turns and looks over the top of the sofa at me. He’s had a fair bit to drink and his eyes are bright, their unusual bluey-green colour shining. I’ve loved seeing him so chilled and relaxed, enjoying time with his family today. It warms my heart that we’re the privileged few who get to know and love the real Conner Reed and not the public perception of him.

“Who’s that?” he asks as I walk toward him.

“Soph. The press know about me and you and have just broken it to my mother, in front of the cameras as she was leaving some charity function. It’s been on Sky News.”

“Why the f*ck are Sky interested in me and you? The gossip shows yeah, but why Sky?”

My stomach feels like it’s twisting itself into knots. I have a really horrible feeling about this and I know that my husband and brother are behind it. Everybody starts reaching for their phones as I speak, all too aware that whatever’s going on, social media will have the most up-to-date, but probably less than accurate information.

“Oh shit!” Beth is the first to speak.

Ethan comes walking into the room, he looks at his mum and dad before looking at me and Con.

“They’re saying on Twitter that you got Nina pregnant when she was underage, then left her in the hospital on her own when she had a miscarriage.”

He looks back at his parents. “What’s a miscarriage? Is that when the baby’s born dead? Is that what Evie was on about in the pool earlier?”