Conviction(33)

Joshua’s business ‘Dig It Events’ had been the organisers and promoters of the event for the last five years. Shift hadn’t been able to take part the last three years though, because of tour and recording commitments.

“I’ve just finished getting everything organised for the Australian show and now I’m back here getting things organised for the UK,” he continues, “and we’d really like you to be a part of it.” It’s not a question, it’s just a statement of what he’d like.

My mouth suddenly feels dry, my lips sticking to my teeth. I sit up straight in my chair and let out a long breath, then breathe in deeply. I can feel the beginnings of an anxiety attack happening and focus on my breathing for a few seconds to ward it off. I haven’t had one since the first day that I got back here. I walked in the house and my dogs, Duke and Kaizer, came bounding toward me. I don’t really understand what happened next. As I rubbed around their throats and ears, I was suddenly overcome with complete and utter panic and for a few minutes, I really thought I was having a heart attack. My dad and Sandra were there and my dad’s military training kicked in. He got me to focus on him and my breathing, and eventually calmed me down. I’d felt the beginnings of one a couple of times since, but by using the techniques my dad had taught me, I’d managed to shake off the feeling. I breathe in, deeply through my nose now, and concentrate on letting my breaths out slowly. My dad reaches across and pats my shoulder.

“You all right boy?” he asks. I nod my head but don’t speak for a few seconds.

“I don’t think I can. I don’t think I’m ready,” I tell them both. Josh nods slowly.

“All right mate, I totally understand.”

“Sorry.” I shrug in apology.

“Na, it’s all right. I just thought I’d ask. One of the charities that’s being headlined this year helps young people suffering from anxiety and depression and who have either attempted or considered suicide.”

Shit, now I feel bad.

Fuck!

“We just thought, you know, with what happened to Jet that it might be something you want to be involved in.”

I go to take another gulp of my tea but the mug’s empty. My thoughts are bouncing around my head in a million different directions.

I need to stop being such a *.

I need to do this.

I need to give back.

“I don’t think I can do it. I want to. I really want to, but I just don’t think I can get up on that stage on my own.”

“No, no, no,” Lawson jumps in, “you wouldn’t be on your own.” He looks across at Josh before continuing, “Gunners in. I’ve spoken to him this morning and he’s up for it. Dom’s away on a family holiday and he’s promised Jade that he’s taking a complete break for the next two months, so he can’t make it… but…” He looks at Josh. Josh looks at me. “Marley Layton will front for you.”

Tyler spits tea across the table.

Whoa.

What the actual f*ck!

“What we thought was, that you could rehearse for the next two weeks and work on a mix of Shift and Carnage songs, sort of a tribute to both bands. It’s sort of fitting, don’t ya think?”

“Fuck, I don’t know what to say,” I tell him.

“You’ve gotta do it, Reed. Fucking hell! Marley Layton, he’s the reason you wanted to learn to play guitar.” I look across to Tyler, unable to help the smile as I think about how Miles and I used to sing and play air guitar to Carnage songs and I know in an instant that I’ve got to do it. Not just for Jet, but for Miles too.

As if reading my mind, Tyler says, “Fuck, can you imagine if Miles was here? You’d have no choice, you’d have to do it.” Tyler wipes a tear from under his eye as he talks.

I feel my dad’s hand rest gently in the middle of my back as he says from next to me, “You do what’s right for you, son. Don’t feel pressured. I know it’s a good cause and everything, but you need to be sure this is right for you. That you’re ready to get back up there so soon.”

I nod my head at my dad. “Yeah, I know Dad, I know what I need to do.”

I look between Lawson and Josh. “What day is it?”

“Monday,” they both say together.

“How long till the gig?” I ask.

“It’s next Saturday, so less than two weeks,” Josh replies.

“Fuck!” My palms are actually sweating. I look at my brother, then at my manager. “D’ya think I can do these songs justice?”

“Of course, you can,” Tyler states.

“Fuck yeah,” Josh adds.

“Do you really need to ask?” Lawson asks.

“When can I start rehearsing?” Not sure if it’s Josh or Lawson that’ll know the answer.

“Tomorrow,” they both reply together.

“Fuck!” I say again.





Nina



I’ve had the shittiest month since shitty months were invented.

I’ve barely seen Marcus. The fraud case that was landed on him last minute has turned out to be a lot more complicated than the company first thought and the court case is still dragging on.

I had though, managed to find a moment to approach him about why he’d needed to see the doctor. He told me he’d popped in to see him about a sore wrist. He was due to play in a golf tournament and wanted to know the best way to strap it up so it didn’t hurt throughout the day. I didn’t believe a word of it and I actually believe that he knew full well that I knew, he was lying. He wasn’t happy that I knew he’d been to the surgery and wanted to know how I knew. I was totally honest, I told him I’d been there to see my doctor and why I had seen her. He seemed fine at first, but then I told him that she’d suggested that he see his own doctor and maybe arrange to get his sperm count checked. That’s when he became pissed off and stormed out of the house to walk the dog, which is something he never did. He’s not a big fan of dogs and has never shown any patience or affection toward Duchess. When he came back, he sat me down and told me that he’d really been to see Dr. Jay to get himself the kind of check-up that I’d had with my doctor, and that the results had come back showing everything was fine with him and like he’d thought all along, the problem was with me. Apparently, he hadn’t told me sooner because he knew how upset I’d be.