Cassie (The Mitchell/Healy Family #7)(61)
“Why do you care? You ruined my life.”
“What happened, what I did, you have to understand it wasn’t me. I was on so many drugs. After I got clean and learned what I’d done,” she paused. “I’ll never forgive myself. I miss them every day. They didn’t deserve to die like that. I wish it was me, Logan. I wish I would have died that night.”
“It’s a choice,” I managed to say.
“What is?”
“Drugs. You say it wasn’t your fault – that you weren’t in control, but that’s a lie. The moment you decided to put drugs into your body it was your choice. You knew the risks, but you took them anyway. It’s a choice, and you chose wrong.”
She was sobbing, her face shriveling with grief. I wanted to see her hurting. I hoped she’d been like this every day since she was incarcerated. “You couldn’t understand. You were always the good boy.’’
“I still am. I have to be, because you f*cked me up so bad I won’t allow myself to be selfish.”
“You deserve to be happy. It’s what they would want for you.”
“You know what I want? I want my parents back, but we both know it’s never going to happen.” I stood up and prepared to leave. “I’m tired, Selina. I’m tired of this bullshit preventing me from having the life I want.”
“Did you come here to tear me down?”
“No. I came here to face my demons. I came here to prove to myself that I made the right choice.”
“The right choice? What are you talking about?”
“It doesn’t matter. I want you to know I’ll never forgive you for what you did. I don’t have it in me. I’ve spent my whole life helping others from monsters like you. For my whole adult life that’s how I’ve seen you. Now I know you’re just a woman without a future. You made a choice and there wasn’t anyone around to save you from it. You ruined your life. You missed out on everything, being free, having a brother. I’ve spent so many days wondering what it would have been like if they were still here, if I’d still be the man who could make them proud. You see, we’ve all got one shot to make our lives worth something. If I died tomorrow I’d be proud. Still, it will never give me what I really want, what I feel I deserve.”
“What?” She inquired.
“Someone to share my life with,” I mumbled. “I need to go.”
“No. Wait! You’re not making sense. Please stay, Logan. I’ve waited fifteen years to see you again. Just stay a little while. We don’t have to talk. Just let me be with you.”
My hand was on the doorknob, my feet prepared to step forward, but I struggled. I wouldn’t be back to see her again. As much as I resented her, she was my only living relative left. “I’m not staying for you, Selina. I’m staying for me.”
I gave myself close to thirty minutes before I said my goodbyes to my older sister. She was emotional, but I couldn’t help her. Maybe she’d changed. Maybe she’d gone through years of remorse and treatments. I could forgive for almost anything, but not for that, at least not until I was at peace with the loss of my parents. Maybe if I found someone to fill the void it would help. I wouldn’t know until that person came into my life and showed me it could be good. I’d already lost the best candidate. Getting over it would be my next feat.
Two months. That’s how long it took for Rockefeller James to get a trial date. I’d been subpoenaed as a witness for the prosecution. Since I turned in my paperwork I wondered if they’d sent one to Cassie. The thought of her being close caused immediate excitement, even though it was obvious she wanted nothing to do with me. Nevertheless, seeing her again might fill the void I’d had since she’d been gone.
I could hardly focus, and several times I picked up the phone to call her, but changed my mind at the last second. One thing was obvious when it came to Cassie, she meant a lot more than I first suspected.
The first day of the trial came and went, then the second, and still no Cassie. I was beginning to think she hadn’t been notified. Then, on the third day I saw her. Her face had filled out, looking the same way she had when I first laid eyes on her, before the drugs had taken their toll. She wore a pant’s suit, completely appropriate for a court appearance. One thing I noticed was the fact that she was alone. Surely her family wouldn’t allow her to come back to this place alone. Curiosity got the best of me. I made my way through a crowd of people and took a chance. “Do you have a minute so we could talk?” I asked.
As she turned around to look at me I could tell she wasn’t looking forward to our reunion. “I’d rather not.”
“Cassie, just hear me out. I know you’re angry with me, but what I did was for the best.”
“Let me tell you something, Agent Campbell. I’m a grown woman, and I’m fully capable of making my own decisions.”
I started to turn around and walk away before I heard her continuing. “With that being said I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I would say to you when I saw you again. I know why you took me home. What I don’t get is how you could let me go?”
I grabbed her by the arm and walked her into an area with less people. “Because I knew you were better off as far away from Las Vegas as possible. You needed to make amends with the people who loved you.”