Cassie (The Mitchell/Healy Family #7)(36)

A part of me wished it were that easy. I’d buried my feelings deep inside of me and let them linger for far too long. By the time I started to feel better, I had so much pent up anger I needed to take it out on something. I destroyed property, and beat my drunk friend to a pulp. After that night something inside of me changed. I knew I couldn’t inflict harm on others just because my life sucked.

I had a choice, and I chose to get myself together.

I’d prided myself in being a sort of hero. On this night I’d been the reaper. My involvement had left one man dead. As I held onto the woman who loved him, I wondered if she’d ever see me as anything more than the person who caused this to happen. Blaming me would come easy for her, and I couldn’t expect it to be any other way. It was my burden to carry, and hers to overcome.

“Come on. Let me get you out of here.”

She pulled away and walked in the direction of her bedroom, from what I assumed. I followed her, watching as she gathered her things. Her sniffles indicated she was still crying, even though I was unable to see her face. “Do you need help?” I offered.

“No. I think you’ve done enough.”

“Cassie, I never meant for anyone to get hurt. You know that. I begged you not to come here tonight.”

“Don’t.” She pointed at me. “You don’t get to scold me. I know exactly what I’ve done.”

“I wasn’t going to scold you.”

She rushed by me. “Just get me out of here. I can’t stand around staring at the blood for any longer.”

I don’t know why I kept pushing. It was obvious she needed time to take it all in and understand what came next. She had a long road ahead of her, and I wished there was something I could do to make it easier. I hated having something to do with her pain.

That’s when I knew I was going to watch out for her, at least until she could get back on her feet, or finally be able to call her family and ask them to forgive her. Cassie needed support, not someone pushing her to do the right thing.

I’d caught my guy. While he was behind bars, we’d tear his life apart until we found enough evidence to keep him in jail for the rest of his days.





Chapter 19


Cassie


Dead.

Brant was dead.

It kept repeating in my head, including the sound of the gun going off. After seeing Rocky being carted out I realized he’d been injured. I wondered if Brant had gotten a shot in before being gunned down. I hoped it were the case, because at least he didn’t go down without trying.

Agent Campbell drove us away from the scene. I didn’t really care where we were going. I knew I’d been clean for long enough where drugs weren’t in my system, but I still felt dizzy and out of control. My mouth tasted like puke, and my stomach was back to reminding me it was yet again empty. I stared out the window, watching the miles distance me from where I’d witnessed something horrifying. I didn’t know the first thing about overcoming such a devastating loss. I honestly didn’t even know if I wanted to. I felt responsible. So many times I could have said something to Brant. If I’d only acted sooner he would have still been with me.

Then I thought about the cheating, and the way he’d abandoned me in my time of need. Would we still be a couple if he’d lived? Could I have forgiven him for being unfaithful?

I didn’t think so. I’d made too many sacrifices to be able to let something so serious go without punishment. I didn’t want to be in an uncommitted relationship. I craved stability and faithfulness. If Brant couldn’t be monogamous, why had I wasted my time?

I suppose I should have suspected it. He’d been keeping secrets since the time we’d arrived. I chalked it up to being about the job, even though I sort of knew it wasn’t the only reason.

In that instant I thought about my parents. Still to this day they were madly in love. If my mom hadn’t gotten her tubes tied they’d probably have a dozen of us kids running around. I appreciated the way my father was also gentle with her. I valued their friendship, and the commitment they shared to be each other’s best friends. Against their better judgment I’d fallen for the wrong type of guy. I think I was drawn to him, or guys with problems. Maybe in some ways I was one of those women who thought they could fix their messed up man.

I’d failed.

I’d sent my boyfriend into an early grave. I’d destroyed hope that we’d have a future. We had nothing to show for, except a huge mess I couldn’t begin to fix. My future may have been unwritten, but I couldn’t begin to imagine ever being happy again.

When we arrived back at Agent Campbell’s house I was a little confused. “With Rocky locked up am I still in danger?”

“Cassie, we’ve learned Mr. James hasn’t been working alone. While we were involved in his arrest, the operation was going on in different places. We managed to obtain his books from within the home. Until we can figure out how many suspects are involved, you’re our only witness. It’s my duty to keep you safe.”

“Oh great. Are we going to watch eighties movies and paint each other’s nails?”

“Look, I’m sorry about what happened to your boyfriend. I know it must be hard for you. I’m not trying to make you angry. I’ll do my best to keep my distance.”

“Whatever,” I said as I climbed out of his sedan.