Broken (The Captive #5.5)(39)

She didn't know what to say or do as she tried to process what he had just told her. All of the happiness she'd been experiencing over the past month faded as swiftly as a spirit disappearing into the night. She mentally reminded herself that there had never been any promises made between them. Never once had she pretended that she could become a part of his world, or he a part of hers. She'd just hoped for more time, more something…

For once in her life she'd allowed herself to be a foolish girl by letting herself forget that they were from two very different worlds and she was paying for her mistake now. Unable to look at him anymore, she focused on the tree line across from her as tears began to burn her eyes. She wouldn't cry in front of him.

"I see," she whispered.

"I didn't know this was coming…" he broke off and shook his head. "No. I knew it was coming, one day, but I'd hoped for more time. I didn't expect it to be so soon. We usually don't marry until we're at least a hundred and even that is considered young, but with The Council being newly created vampires are scrambling to try and secure more powerful alliances. My father and uncle are amongst those making their moves. Merle and I are being used as pawns to create a powerful alliance with the House of Salaze."

"I understand," she murmured.

"Look at me." She couldn't turn her head to look at him though; it was as frozen as her heart. Her jaw clenched when his fingers grasped hold of her chin, she thought about fighting against his urging fingertips but it was such a childish thing to do. Reluctantly she allowed him to turn her head. She realized immediately why she couldn't bear to look at him when her eyes latched onto his clover colored ones. Her deadened heart seemed to swell as love and sadness filled her. The tears she had been fighting against flooded her eyes but she rapidly blinked them away. "Don't cry. Please don't cry Genny."

"I can't… please let me go," she stammered out. Though anguish flickered across his handsome features, he released her chin instantly. She tugged gently on her hand until he freed it.

"I have no choice," he said flatly. "It would cause a huge rift between our families if I were to refuse this marriage. It could start a feud that could escalate toward war. There's actually relative peace amongst the nobles now, more lives could be lost if I refuse this match."

"I don't want that, at all," she said as she forced herself to meet his gaze again. She'd dealt with a lot of other awful things in her life; she was strong enough to deal with this. She'd never had her heart broken before but as an immortal it had only been a matter of time before it would have happened. There was no choice here; she had to let him go to be the powerful man that he was destined to become. "I've had a wonderful time with you. I've loved you in a way that I've never loved anyone before, but we both knew this would have to end eventually."

She was incredibly proud that her voice didn't waver and her tears didn't spill as she said the words. In fact, she'd sounded far more adult than she felt right now. It was all for the best anyway, her heart would only get broken even worse if they continued down this path. It would be easier to say goodbye on their own terms rather than in a month or two when it became absolutely necessary. She and Camille were still going to leave; he was still going to have to marry into the aristocracy. That had always been the plan and the plan had never changed.

"I only have to produce an heir, Genny."

She involuntarily winced at his words and recoiled when he went to touch her cheek. "Atticus…"

"It's not fair, I know, and I want better for you, so much better. I would like to give you everything you deserve Genny, a better home, security, protection. I want you to be with me. You can be with me. I would do anything to be able to offer you more right now but when this is done, when I've done my duty for my family, you can be my wife."

"Don't," she whispered. It all sounded so tempting. She could be with him; they could be together, but even as her heart soared at the prospect she knew it could never be. She'd sworn years ago that she would never be like Marie; that she would never be the other woman. The thought of him crawling from her bed and into another woman's made her queasy and tore at her heart. No matter how much she cared for him she could never endure that kind of life. "I love you more than I ever thought possible but I would only grow to hate myself if I was the other woman. I won't be my mother."

His mouth compressed into a fine line; his eyes longingly searched her face. He appeared torn but there was nothing she could do to ease his distress. It had been an amazing couple of months, she wouldn't trade them for the world, but this was where their path together ended. "If I produce an heir the relationship will be over."

"And that can sometimes take years to accomplish. Or what if she becomes pregnant right away but you have five girls? You could be married for the next hundred years before producing an heir."

His upper lip curled, his eyes turned red at the thought. "I don't want this!"

She felt no fear of him even though she sensed that what was happening was causing him to unravel. "I know," she assured him.

She didn't move her hand away when he took hold of it again, she wouldn't deny him the comfort he sought. His eyes turned back to their normal hue the minute their skin came in contact. A tear finally slid free and rolled down her cheek, a feeling of returning home stole through her as his hand wrapped around hers.