Broken Course (Wrecked and Ruined #3)(54)

"Fuck," Emma breathes. "I’m assuming that didn’t go over well?"

"He told me he loves me anyway," I barely even whisper, unable to trust my voice with the ludicrous words—yet another one of Leo’s lies.

"Wait. What?" she asks, putting the ice cream down on the counter. "So he knows everything and he told you he loves you anyway? Please tell me I’m missing a part of this equation."

"He’s known for a while. At least since my birthday. He’s lied to me so many times that I can’t even begin to recount them all."

"Lied how?"

"He does this thing where he always knows exactly what to say when I get nervous or stressed out. I thought that’s just who he was, but come to find out, he just knew enough about me to know what I needed. The man I was falling in love with wasn’t Leo at all. I don’t have a clue who he really is." I wipe the tears from my eyes and take a quick breath to get myself back in check.

"Okay…let me try to get this straight one last time. You have somewhat of a troubled past, you meet a hot man, and you do not disclose aforementioned past. Then you fall in love with said hot man because he makes you feel safe and comfortable, only to find out that he already knows the shit—that you never told him but should have—and he used it to his advantage to make you feel…well, safe and comfortable all the while falling in love with you. And now that you know this information, you have decided that he’s a liar for not being a dick and heading for the hills?"

"That is not at all what I said, so stop twisting it," I snap, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Maybe I’m not the one twisting it, Sarah."

"I feel like everyone knew the full story except for me. Leo didn’t get to know me. He heard stories about who I used to be and used it to his advantage. It’s embarrassing, Emma. I should’ve been the one to tell him those things about myself."

"Okay, now that I understand. Embarrassed is one thing. Breaking up with a man you are obviously in love with is something altogether different."

"You don’t get it, Emma. What if Leo had never done all of those things that made me fall in love with him? How would I feel about him? Hell, what if he just told me he loved me because he thought I needed to hear it. I don’t know this new guy at all any more than he knows new Sarah. And it hurts because, even if we get back together, I’m not sure that I’ll ever feel for this new guy like I did my old Leo."

"Jesus, listen to yourself. New Sarah. Old Sarah. New Leo. Old Leo. I honestly can’t keep up. I’m sorry, sis, but you’ve worn out that phrase. You are still the same Sarah from before the accident and Leo is still the same man you came home raving about after your first date. People change and evolve every single day. It’s not exactly a novel concept that people act differently when they first start dating than they do later in relationships.

"So he knew some stuff about you. It sucks. And yes, he should have told you. But I don’t think that makes him a liar any more than your not telling him makes you a liar."

"I guess we will just have to agree to disagree," I huff and head toward the bedroom.

I can’t just let this go. I get what Emma’s saying and I hear her rational words. It’s just that I’ve spent so much of the last few years feeling like an outsider even in my own skin. I can’t go back to that. I need some sort of control in my life. Maybe I handed Leo too much of that control over me. That could be why this hurts so much. Leo didn’t just betray me; I betrayed myself.

I walk into the bedroom, and instead of digging through my drawers to find pajamas, I crawl into bed. I don’t want to think about Leo anymore. But when I close my eyes, all I can think about is the deep hum of his chuckle before everything fell apart. If Leo ever does manage to build that time machine, the first thing I’m doing is stealing it and going back to those two seconds in time when everything felt perfect. I’d happily relive that moment for all of eternity.

An hour or so later, Emma wakes me up by throwing a T-shirt at my head. Ultimately, she ended up in tight yoga pants and one of my low-cut tank tops, which does, in fact, make her boobs look fantastic. And because I appreciate her leaving Collin and Caleb at home just to spend the night with me, I don’t even argue when I pull on the stained sweats she laid out for me.

"Casey, where’s Eli tonight?" I ask while grabbing the last piece of sushi.

"Hell if I know. We haven’t spoken in a few weeks."

"Oh dear Lord." I roll my eyes and she lets out a small giggle. "You better be amazing in bed because you give that man hell and he always comes back."

"He’s a dick, but yes, I am amazing in bed."

We all laugh.

"Oh, hey. I read those Fifty Shades books y’all were talking about the other day. I thought I was f*cked up. Christian is crazy." I laugh but neither of them utters a word. I turn to look at Emma and she’s blinking rapidly at me. "What?" I ask, looking at Casey, who looks equally as shocked.

"You read?" Emma asks.

"All three books?" Casey clarifies behind her.

"Yes," I answer suspiciously.

"I thought that was, like, against your religion or something?" Emma says seriously, but a smile grows on her face.