Bring Me Back(66)

“I’m moving,” I say again. “I have to.”

She’s suggested that I move in the past, but not because of the bills—although she probably assumed those were bad too. She thought I should move because this place holds so much of Ben in it. I guess that’s true too. Several months ago I would’ve thrown a fit about moving for that very reason, but now I only feel a very mild sting.

“You’re moving?” she repeats. “Where?”

“I don’t know yet,” I exhale, standing up from the kitchen table. “I’ll figure it out. All I know is I can’t keep paying this.” I point to the envelopes and papers on the floor.

“Your dad and I can help you with the bills if that’s an issue—” she begins.

I shake my head. “No. I won’t let you guys do that. I’m a big girl, this is my mess, and I’ll clean it up. I have to think about my daughter.” My hand falls to the swell of my belly. I’m nearing the seventh-month mark of pregnancy. It’s hard for me to believe she’ll be here so soon. There’s so much left I have to do.

My mom’s face softens. “I understand. Do you want me to help you look?” She perks up.

“Sure,” I say. “I’d like to be out of here in a month,” I admit. “It’s a short time frame but I can’t keep doing this, I really can’t,” I emphasize. “Plus, I need to get moved in somewhere and everything set up for the baby.”

She nods her head in understanding. “I’ll contact a realtor and see about selling the house.”

My stomach clenches at her words. I love this house. I love that Ben and I bought it together. I wanted to raise our children here. But things … Things change and I have to change with them. I can’t hold on to this house any longer and it’s only a house. I’ll make a new place my home too. A new start. A clean slate.

“Thanks,” I tell her. “I’m heading up to my office to do a little work.”

She nods and says, “Okay.” I wonder if she even really hears me because she’s already on her phone, busily getting to work on selling my house.

As I go upstairs, I’m hit with a memory.

Ben parked on the street in front of the house, and I smiled giddily at the SOLD sign.

It was our house.

It was large for two people, but we both knew we wanted a family in the future and didn’t see the point in having to move.

“Do you still love it?” Ben asked, his blond hair glowing in the sunlight shining in the car window.

“Of course,” I said excitedly.

He held up the keys and jingled them. “Ready?”

“Absolutely.” I swiped the keys from his hand and bolted out of the car.

He caught me before I made it very far and swept me up into his arms.

“What are you doing?” I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Carrying my bride over the threshold,” he joked, starting up the stairs to the front door.

“I’m not your bride yet,” I told him.

He chuckled. “Only because you refuse to set a date.”

“We’re busy,” I reasoned. “It takes a lot of time to plan a wedding.”

He kissed my forehead. “I know. Don’t worry. I’m willing to wait for however long it takes you to plan the perfect wedding. Okay, do the honors.” He lowered with me in his arms so I could slip the key in the lock.

I stuck it inside and twisted the knob. Ben stepped inside with me in his arms.

“Wow,” I said, my voice echoing around the empty space.

He set me down and kissed me squarely on the lips. “Welcome home, baby.”

I open my eyes and find that I’m leaning against the wall for support. I don’t want to leave this house. I don’t want to leave behind the memories and happy memories I had here, but I have to. Not just because of the money, but because I know deep down, being here, sleeping in that bed every night, it’s holding me back.

I have to move on.





I meet the girls at the coffee shop. We’ve met a few times since that disastrous day where I was so rude to Casey. I’m so much better now than I was then. Day by day I’m getting back to normal. When Ben first died, I didn’t believe that normalcy was possible for me. I’m happy to have been proven wrong.

I wave at the girls, already seated at our usual table, and head to the counter to place my order. Once I have a drink and sandwich I sit down at the table.

“Hey, how are you guys?” I ask, taking a sip of my iced tea. It’s blistering hot outside, but thankfully it’s cool in the café.

“Good,” Chloe says, looking at her freshly manicured nails. “I got promoted to management.” She grins with this news. Chloe works at a high-end retail store in our mall.

“That’s awesome,” I say, digging into my sandwich. Lately, I’m hungry all the time. My dad says I’m trying to make up for all the weeks I barely ate. I nearly moan with how good it tastes.

“Same old, same old over here,” Casey sighs. “My life is so uneventful.”

“Ugh, I wish I could say the same,” Hannah groans, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “You know that hot neighbor I told you about?”