Blindness(77)

I start to reach up to take his jacket off and slide from my skirt when he stops me. “No, I want to take my time,” he says, leaning over me and sliding me all the way up his bed. Once my head hits his pillow, he pulls my hair out from under me and brushes the loose strands from my face. “You’re so goddamned beautiful. I don’t deserve you. But that’s not going to stop me.”

Cody slides the jacket open and blows slowly along my collarbone, working his way lower to my breasts. He teases each one lightly with his tongue, blowing on them until the sensation has me squirming. Then he slides the jacket the rest of the way from my arms. I arch my back so he can slide it from under me, and as I do, he takes one of my nipples in his mouth again and sucks hard, letting it come to rest in between his teeth.

“Cody, oh my god,” I cry out, and his mouth is on my lips quickly, his hand reaching for mine, stretching it up above my head and tethering it between his fingers. He continues to kiss me for minutes while I take in the feeling of his bare chest along mine. His skin is on fire, and we’re both starting to sweat everywhere we touch.

I close my eyes when Cody lifts his body again, this time leaving a trail of kisses as he lowers himself down my chest, pausing at the waist of my skirt. I’m thankful for the small black panties I decided to wear as he pushes his thumbs into the top of my skirt, sliding it down the length of my legs. And he spends a long time kissing my stomach and the insides of my legs, savoring the black lace between us, earning his right to remove it.

With every kiss and every touch, I come closer and closer to completely coming undone, and when Cody trails a finger from one side of my inner thigh to the other, lightly grazing my most sensitive areas along the way, I whimper with need. On his next pass, he stops where my panties meet my skin, sliding his finger underneath the band slowly, teasing me, and then adding more force as he touches every part of me and works his way inside. His kisses grow heavier, hungrier, as he feels all of me. He hooks his thumb under one side and slowly works my panties down my legs until I can kick them off completely.

He stands then to look at me, and I lay there with my hands reaching for the top of the mattress, above my head. I’m starting to feel shy and nervous, when Cody finally talks.

“I don’t want you to think it has anything to do with how you look, right now, right here in my bed, but I just want you to know, I love you, Charlie,” he says, his eyes serious. “You have no idea how many nights I’ve dreamt of this. How many nights I laid here and closed my eyes, pretending, wishing and so goddamned jealous. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.”

Not able to take it, I sit up and thrust myself at him, kissing his lips to stop him from denying us any more time. “Stop it, Cody. Don’t say that,” I say. “You do deserve me. We deserve each other. I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be you all along. It was always supposed to be you, Cody.”

He bites his lip at my words, and I slide my hands from around his neck down to his jeans. I unbuckle his belt first, and then find the button and zipper while I kiss along his chest, following the trail of his tattoos. I’m a little nervous when I let his jeans fall and push his underwear down with them. Trevor’s the only man I’ve ever been with, the only man I’ve ever seen. And everything was always comfortable, easy—ordinary—with him. I’m not sure what to expect with Cody, and I hope I can measure up to what he’s had before.

I don’t look, but instead gulp loudly, trying to calm my nerves. I slide my fingertips along his stomach until I reach lower and find him hard and ready. I don’t look—I can’t—as I wrap my hand fully around the length of him, touching him softly and tenderly. His eyes close at my contact, and I give myself a brief glance—mostly because I’m scared of his size. I can see the large scar that runs up the length of his thigh, it’s purple and deep, and I know it hurts. But I don’t want him to think I notice; I don’t want him to think I care at all about his imperfection. It’s quite the opposite, really—I think it makes him that much more perfect.

When I look up, I find Cody staring at me, taking in my face—never my eyes, but all other parts of me. He reaches up to wrap one of my curled locks around his fingers, and he smirks as he does.

“I remember doing this, you know. That night of my party? When I was drunk off my ass? I don’t remember a lot, but I remember the way your hair felt in my fingers. I’ve wanted to just reach out and touch it so many times,” he says, licking his lips lightly while he watches my hair unravel from his hand and fall along my bare breasts.

“I’m yours,” I say to him, meaning every bit of those two small words, and the four I follow them up with. “I love you, Cody.”

He pushes me back to the bed and follows me, slowly lowering his body over mine. I’m shivering from my nerves, but I tell him it’s because I’m cold, and he rubs his hands along my arms and neck, into my hair, trying to warm me. He kisses his way along my jaw until he stops again at my lips, speaking with barely any breath at all. “In my drawer…condom,” he says, and I reach to my left and slide his drawer open, feeling around until I find it. I tear the package with my teeth and hand it to him.

I hold my breath as he slides it on, and my head is swirling from the adrenaline coursing through me. My heart is beating so loudly, I’m sure Cody can feel it. He brings his forehead to mine again and kisses me lightly on the lips as he slowly slides forward until I feel the tip of him enter me. I cry out, and he stops, opening his eyes to look at me, to make sure I’m okay.