Blinding Trust (Mitchell Family, #7)(21)

After all that I’d been through, I just couldn’t find an easy way to change. Sure, I was better than before, but when it came to one of my children, it was a different story.

I slept on the couch, trying to avoid looking at my husband, after he’d made a major decision without including me in it. It was true, I didn’t have custody or adoption papers for Noah. I should have gotten them a long time ago, but we never thought anyone would ever bother us about it. We shared the same last name and had been so open to Noah about Krista.

The next morning, I focused on getting the kids ready for school. Colt tried to be nice, but I ignored him as much as possible. I knew he was trying to do the right thing. I wasn’t mad at him for his decision. I was mad because he left me out of it.

When the kids were gone and Colt had gone off to work, I did what I did every time I needed someone to talk to.

I called the salon.

Scissor Sounds this is Amy.

It’s Van. I need to vent. Are you busy?

Miranda isn’t coming in today. She and Ty took the kids to the zoo. I don’t have a client for the next thirty minutes. What’s up? You okay?

How are you even working, being so pregnant?

I’m used to it. I sit whenever I don’t have a client, so it isn’t so bad.

Plus, you could always walk into the house and take a nap, I guess.

That’s right! So what’s up?

Well, you know Zeke came over to visit with Noah, right?

Yeah, what you didn’t tell me, Conner filled me in.

After it went so horribly, Zeke called his lawyer and had him threaten us with visitation rights.

What?

Yep. He knew we would be left with no other options.

You could have let it go to court and proved he wasn’t fit to have visitation.

Our lawyer told Colt that he could buy the win. Do you believe that? He said it would cost us too much and we may not win. Either way Noah would have to get to know Zeke.

So, what are you going to do?

Colt is going with him when he visits.

Are you for real?

Yeah. I don’t even know what to say to him right now. I feel like I have no say at all.

Van, I’m sorry you are going through this. I hate when things happen that we can’t control. I’m here if you need anything.

I know. I think I just needed someone to tell me that I wasn’t just being a selfish bitch.

You aren’t. You have raised that child as your own. You have every right to be concerned and feel what you feel.

Thanks, Amy. I better get off of here. I have a doctor’s appointment this morning.

Okay. I hope your day gets better. Love ya!

Love you, too.

It took me no time at all to get a shower and leave for my doctor’s appointment. I had avoided going and rescheduled my annual pap test for two months. Just the thought of those cold metal forceps spreading me open made me cringe. I think my mind made it much worse than it actually was. At any rate, I still hated getting it done.

The waiting room was filled with pregnant women. I thought about Amy being pregnant and even considered missing that feeling. Then I remembered child birth and even what Miranda had gone through. After having the twins, Miranda had her tubes tied. It was to prevent her having to go through a dangerous pregnancy. I don’t think she cared. They had three healthy children and the boys were a huge handful anyway. Ty never complained about not being able to have any more children. They were always on the same page in their marriage. Sometimes, I envied that so much, especially considering what I was going through at the moment.

When they called my name to come back, I felt that tense feeling in the pit of my stomach. The nurse showed me to my room and pointed to the sheet that I was supposed to strip down and put over my naked body. As she walked out, I turned and looked at the stirrups that my feet would soon be in.

I thought about the doctor and how many vaginas that he must look at in a single day. I didn’t know what kind of person would want that job. Sure, some women were probably attractive, but most were older and had given birth. I don’t know about them, but my vagina never looked how it did before I had kids. Colt never complained, but I was certain it had changed.

My doctor was in his forties. He was a nice man who always talked about family and hobbies while doing the exams. I appreciated that he talked about his wife and kids, but at the same time, he was still looking deep into my vagina.

Maybe I had so much on my mind that focusing on one thing was the way I was trying to cope. Either way, when he stepped into the room and stuck his cold hands under the sheet to feel my breasts, I immediately felt uncomfortable.

It didn’t help that I’d just read this erotic thriller about a doctor that seduced his patients. My mind was making me think crazy things and all I wanted to do was get dressed and get out of there.

At first, I thought it was my imagination that he was spending way too much time massaging my left breast. His eyes were focused on the wall and it didn’t seem to be turning him on at all. “Savanna, I’m going to send you to the diagnostic center to get a mammogram. I’m feeling something out of the ordinary and I just want to check it to be on the safe side.”

“I’m not even old enough. Is it really necessary?”

“I don’t think it’s anything you have to worry about, but let’s get a better look at it.”

“Should I be worried?” I didn’t want anything to be wrong.