Bittersweet Symphony (Bittersweet #4)(39)

“Fuck me… Please…” I beg. His eyes spark with a darkness as he pulls out of me and slams back in with an intensity that causes the headboard to hit the wall. My eyes roll into the back of my head with the pleasure and pain that hit me.

The strokes came harder and harder, rocking me to the core. I open my eyes to see a smirk has formed on his face as he lays a kiss directly on my heart.

“I’ve loved you since the day Mimi told me I couldn’t have you.” He is close to coming, as am I. I feel it in every stroke and the way he strained to get his words out. Then it happens. I feel him filling me to the brim with everything that he is. My muscles clenches over and over again. Tingles spread across my body, and an explosion of colors occurs behind my eyes. Nothing is better than that second we meet. We will never be closer than in that one second. He stays still until he can no longer hold himself above me, then he rolls over and pulls me into his side.

Silence passes and I think he has fallen asleep.

“I never wanted you to see me like that, so lost and dangerous. I never meant to hurt you…” His words are so sincere. The hate he has for himself is heard with every word he says. He blames himself a lot.

“You never hurt me, Ryder. If anything, you saved me. You made me see that life am not as bad as I am making it out to be, that sometimes others have problems far worse than mine.”

A gruff laugh erupts from within him. His body shakes with laughter, the well-defined muscles under my hand clenching and unclenching.

“Our problems are gone now. Sam’s going to tell anyone and everyone about what happened and there isn’t anything that can be done about it….”

I sit up in the bed, not really knowing if I have missed the part where he told me how he knows Sam is going to talk.

“How do you know that?”

“I confronted him three days ago. I wanted to know what he knew. I had to know, so I asked. He told me he is going to out me to everyone, including my brother whom he knows doesn’t know. Apparently my father and his were in business together. His dad’s a private investigator, so it’s not shock he uncovered some type of dirt on our family. It’ll be spread around here faster than a forest fire.

My mouth opens and shuts with real rage filling me. I hate Sam for hurting me, for beating me down to the weak person I am, but now I hate him so much more.

Ryder’s hand lands on my thigh, trying to calm me down.

“There’s no point in getting worked up over it. I already tried that…” He gestures to his room and apparently every other room in the house. His bed is luckily unharmed by his hulk rage. It is soft and obviously durable. Very Ryder like.

“Look, K…” He grips my arm, turning me into his body. His manly scent surrounds me. “He threatened me. He told me if I gave up on you that he wouldn’t tell a soul.”

To say I am shocked is an understatement, not just shocked, but so very angry as well. I want to beat him to the ground, to make him stop breathing, to take a bat to his car, and go all Mimi-f*cking-Jones on him.

“What did you say?” I can’t help but ask. I am scared. I’m so very afraid that he says he will give up on me. After everything that has happened, I don’t know if I will ever be able to move on from him. I do know, though, that it will kill him more if he has to tell his brother. If he has to walk away from me to save himself, I will understand. I would have to…

The silence is killing me.

“I told him…” His finger lingers on my leg, drawing lazy circles on it. “It would be a cold day in hell before I ever gave up on something that I loved. I wanted you more than I wanted anything in my life. Letting my secrets go for that would be more than worth it. I refused to give into him, and I refused to hold onto the hate that my father had caused me. It was a win, win for me.” He smiles, the warm and fuzzy kind. The one that I love so much…

It doesn’t make sense to me, though. Him wanting me isn’t enough... It doesn’t justify his decision. It isn’t worth the risk.

“What about your brother… and everyone else?”

Ryder shrugs his shoulders as if it means nothing to him now.

“It is what it is. I’ll talk to Rex and everyone else can think what they want, they will anyway.”

I throw myself back on the bed next to him. Happiness is floating right above me, just within reach, but why I can’t reach out and grasp it, I don’t know.

“But you did all of that just to stay with me…?” My voice is full of sadness, and tears fell from my eyes quietly. I wasn’t really sure why I was crying. I couldn’t tell if they were happy tears or sad tears.

His body encompassed mine and warmth seeped into me. Our bodies molded together as if we were meant to be together. The key, and the hole.

“I did it because it was the right thing… All of this took place because of my anger and hate. I knew when you showed up I could never agree with anything Sam wanted from me. It would be like letting my father win all over again.”

My body shuddered against his as he held me tighter. My whole world was right next to me and it took me till now to realize it.

“Why would you do that? Why would you be okay with that?” I wanted to destroy something. Now I understood why the house looks the way it did when I came in.

“I’m not okay with it, but I would rather have this chance with you then no chance at all. I would rather give up on all of that other shit then on you. I was made, because for one little second I didn’t think I was worth it. I didn’t think I could have you without screwing it up. I wouldn’t ever give up on you, but there was a chance you would give up on me.” Everything he says made it seem like something he has pondered about long and hard.