Bittersweet Symphony (Bittersweet #4)(37)

Wiping away the tears I fixed my hair, and forced myself to calm down.

Getting out of the car I walked up the front steps to the apartment complex. Once to his door, I have to pull my heart out of my stomach. I am not sure what horrible incident will happen first. Will my heart beat out of control sending me into cardiac rest or will I vomit all over his floor?

Raising my fist to knock on the door, I stopped. A noise on the other side of the door startled me, freezing me into place. It sounded like things were being thrown throughout the house.

My heart rate picked up, and my body went into overdrive fear finding its way into my mind. I can’t bury it if I tried. Without hesitation, and knocking I grabbed the handle of the door. The coldness of the metal is the only thing, I can sense.

Turning it I opened the door. What my eyes landed on shocked me. The apartment is trashed. It looks as if someone has went through the place looking for something but never finding it.

I heard the slamming of doors down the hall… “Ryder?” I called out. Feelings were lodged in my throat. I don’t think I can do this. Taking one look at the apartment I can tell he is already spiraling out of control. He is losing himself.

“What?” He says gruffly from down the hall. I can hear the pain laced in his voice. Anger vibrated off of him with every step he takes towards me. He looks nothing like the man I have fallen so helplessly for. Instead the shell of that person stood before me. He is shirtless, and sweaty. His face has a weeks’ worth of scruff, and his hair is all over the place. It has been a week since the incident with Sam and I haven’t heard from him. It is as if he fell off the radar.

“Are you okay?” I asked about as innocently as I can. I have never been more afraid of Ryder than I am in this very moment. You can see the unstableness within him. He is like a teeter-totter. He needed something to balance him out, and nothing will, or can.

He picked up a nearby bottle of what I assumed to be alcohol. He reeked of whiskey, and another sweet smell.

“Do I look okay Kennedy?” The words were like a slap to my face. What happened to him? I take a soft step backwards not wanting to trap myself within his grasp.

If I am being honest I will say no. His eyes were blood shot. His face a beautiful ragged mess. He is so damaged, and it hurt my heart. I thought I am suffering but I am not.

“Not really… You look not-good. No one’s heard from you in like a week. You haven’t even called me.” I don’t want to sound needy, but I missed him. I wanted to make sure he was okay, but I wanted to see him too. My eyes lingered over the muscles of his chest. The muscles that made up that delectable V of his.

“Really?” He got out before taking another chug from the bottle. I seriously needed to find every bottle of alcohol in this place and pour it out.

“That’s weird because the only one who called me was you… and then you have my piece of shit father but that doesn’t really matter now does it.” I watched him carefully listening to his words for any hidden meanings.

“It matters…”

“It doesn’t and I’m not even sure why you’re still here Kennedy.” He is f*cking stupid if he doesn’t know why I am here. He is stupid to assume anything in that state he is in.

“You’re stupid if you don’t know why I’m still here.” I tried to hide my anger, knowing he will just get off on it. He is at the tipping point and I don’t want to give him anymore steam.

“I’m stupid…” He let out a harsh laugh. It is would have had me melting into him had it not been so vile sounding. “I’m the stupid one, but you’re the innocent, precious, clean, beauty, standing in front of me trying to pull me off the cliff.”

I look around the room. The couches were overturned. The dining room table broken. Glass is all over the place and I wondered how the cops haven’t been called yet.

“What happened?” I asked curiously, wanting to take the attention off of me.

“What didn’t happen?” He says gruffly pushing off the counter, well slamming back another drink. I eyed the bottle precariously, I needed to get it away from him but I don’t dare get close to him. I know the Ryder I cared about won’t hurt me but this Ryder he is someone else. Darker, and different.

“You should probably put the bottle down.”

He eyed me, the darkness within him casting out any good. The light within him is diminishing with every drink.

“You should probably leave.” He takes a step towards me, and my breath flaunted. Fear spiking down my spine. I can’t walk away from him, my feet were glued to the floor and I know I won’t leave this place until I saved him. Until I brought him back to me. We both might be broken but he is far more broken than I and if I have to, I will save us. Making us whole again.

I shook my head no, afraid that my voice will tremble giving way to just how much he is affecting me. Then it is as if I blinked and he is directly in front of me, his hand wrapping around the back of my neck.

I am shaking like a leaf in the wind. I know h can feel it. He takes a drink from the bottle again, and the scent of whiskey invades my senses. He smells dark and dangerous, and even though I ‘m frightened by him, I’m intrigued as well.

“Are you afraid of me?” he asks softly. His voice is that of the Ryder I have grown to know, but the look in his eyes tells me it’s merely a fa?ade.