Best of My Love (Fool's Gold, #20)(84)

“Not my night,” he said easily as he picked up his beer.

“How’s Destiny doing?” Sam Ridge asked.

“Good. Still trying to accomplish more than she should. Between Tonya, Starr, the upcoming tour and getting through the day, she’s overwhelmed. I help when I can.”

“They do love to take on too much,” Justice said. “Patience acts so casual about having a baby, but it’s tough on her. She’s still getting up at four in the morning.”

He sounded both amazed and proud.

Shelby wanted to bang her head against the table. She really didn’t want to hear about how much they all loved their wives. It was depressing. Because at one time she’d thought she wanted that, too. Love. Someone in her life. But now she wasn’t sure.

The price was too high. She would have to give up too much. Maybe it was better to simply be alone. At least then she was safe.

Only she missed Aidan. She wanted to see him smile at her, hear the sound of his voice. Maybe get just one quick hug. He’d changed so much in the past few months. He’d always been great, but now he was even better. While she still felt the same. Stuck was the word that came to mind. Talk about ironic. He would sure get that joke. She should call him and—

No! She pulled her mind back to the game. She wasn’t going to give in and be weak. She would stay strong. Solitary. She’d tried becoming normal and it hadn’t worked out. She didn’t want to keep trying. She had her answer. Now she would move on.

“You scared when Patience went into labor?” Kipling asked Justice.

“Terrified. I’ve been through combat, been chased by a sniper. The only thing worse was when Lillie was taken.”

Shelby frowned. “What do you mean?”

Justice sipped his beer. “Long story. My father had faked his death and was on the run from the law. He found me and wanted to hurt me, so he took Lillie. We got her back.”

Shelby did her best to keep her jaw from dropping. “Seriously?”

His eyes were cold. “I would have killed him for doing it, but Ford got there first.”

Shelby could tell she was going to have to have a long talk with Madeline about some Fool’s Gold history. “I had no idea. I’m sorry.”

“Me, too. I never would have come back if I’d known Patience and Lillie were going to be in danger.”

“You don’t mean that,” Angel said easily. “You had to come back to find her.”

Shelby was about to ask who “her” was when Justice sighed heavily.

“I know you’re right, but that was the worst. Knowing that Lillie was in danger, scared. I loved her so much. Both of them. Knowing it was my fault about killed me.” He held up his hand. “I know, I know. It was my father, not me. I get the distinction. But they were everything to me. Loving them, knowing they could have been hurt—” He shook his head. “I can’t begin to describe what that was like.”

“But it was worth it,” Kipling said quietly.

“Now. I’d be lost without them.”

Gabriel put down his cards. “I went through that with Noelle,” he admitted. “Not being sure. She was so happy and positive all the time. I could only see the darkness.”

Shelby had heard a little of his story. How he’d been a doctor in the army for several years, serving the front line. He’d been the first doctor the most seriously injured had seen. It had been his job to patch them up enough to get them to a real facility.

When he’d come to Fool’s Gold to visit his brother for the holidays, he’d been exhausted. Both physically and emotionally. She supposed it was impossible to see what he’d seen, day after day, and not be affected.

“She got me through,” Gabriel continued. “She was there, in my face, pulling me along.”

“How much did you resist?” Kipling asked.

“As much as I could. Every step of the way. But she never gave up on me.” He grimaced. “I could have lost her. Sometimes at night, I wake up in a cold sweat, thinking about that. I could have lost her.”

“But you didn’t,” Shelby told him. “You’re together now.”

“We are.”

They were lucky, she thought ruefully. Able to break through whatever their problems had been. They also weren’t the least bit subtle.

“I know what you’re doing,” she said, giving in to the inevitable and putting her cards down on the table as well. “But it’s not going to work.”

“Why is that?” her brother asked.

“Because I don’t want what you have. Any of you.”

Angel smiled at her. “You’re not a very good liar, Shelby.”

“I’m not lying,” she insisted. “I thought I did. I thought I wanted to have a husband and a family, but I don’t. It’s too hard. I wanted to learn to trust a man. So I did. I trust Aidan. But it doesn’t matter, because in the end, love means giving over too much of myself. I’m not willing to do that.”

Angel studied her. His pale gray eyes were a little unnerving. It was as if he could see into her soul.

“Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith. I know they say the best things in life are free, but every now and then the good stuff has to be earned.”