Beauty in Autumn (Beauty #3)(13)

"No." His voice sounds raspy, and it makes me excited to imagine his breath quickening like mine is.

"Then...can we spend tonight together?" I take his hand and pull it to my breast. "I'd like the company."

In response, he picks me up again in his arms. Ruari walks fast, his claws clicking on the stone floors.

"Where are you taking me?" I ask, caressing his arm. I want to touch him all over, to explore him like I've been dying to do. I hope he's not abandoning me.

"To my bed," he growls out. "You're not leaving it until I'm done with you."

Oh, I like that thought. I like that thought very much. I lie quietly in his arms as he carries me through the castle, and it doesn't seem like we've gone very far before he opens a door and pushes us through it. I'm curious as to what his room is like, and when he sets me down gently on the edge of a bed, I reach out and touch the bed to explore it. Curiously, the blankets are messed up and the bed feels very much like the one I just left. "Is...is this my bed? Did you take me back to my room?"

A horrible thought occurs to me. Did he just change his mind? So quickly?

"Not your bed," Ruari says in a gruff voice. "You've always been in mine."

I blush at the thought. "Have I truly? Do you...do you move all the women that come here into your room?" I suddenly find myself wondering if he's been in love with any of the others. Does he still mourn their loss?

"You are the first to be in my bed. In fact, you are the first that has ever touched me." He strokes my cheek and I lean into the caress automatically. "You are the first of many, many things."

And the last, I find myself hoping. "That makes me happy."

"And me? Do I make you happy?"

I reach out and run a hand down his chest. He feels broad and muscular, with just a hint of chest hair that crisps under my fingers. There's nothing beastly about him in the slightest. Not as far as I can tell. "You do...until you leave me alone all day. It's very quiet and lonely without you here, you know."

"It's very quiet and lonely here always," he says, voice sad. "The days that someone arrives are the worst."

"Because you know they're going to leave?" I ache for him.

"Because I know they will be horrified and repulsed by what I am. I know that I am destroying their lives with my curse, and I can do nothing to help them."

Ruari's response makes me feel so very sad. How lonely he must feel. "And then they disappear again after three days, adding to your guilt."

He touches my cheek. "I would prefer that no one come at all, just so I can spare their lives. But if they do not, the curse is never-ending. And in the end, I am given no choice."

His touch is gentle and pleasant, and I lean into it, caressing his hand as he cups my face. "And have you ever fallen in love with one of them?"

"Never. None have looked at me with anything but sheer disgust. It is hard to love when you are repulsed." His other hand goes to my hair, touches my dark locks. "Is that why you are so determined to wear your blindfold, Willow? So you cannot look at me and be disgusted?"

"That's not it." Somehow I think if I saw his face, I wouldn't be disgusted anyhow. I'd only be saddened by the fact that he's been so cruelly cursed. "I'm honoring a promise to another, nothing more."

"It must be a very important promise."

I nod, not trusting myself not to spill the details. I can't talk about this. "Thank you for understanding."

"Oh, I do not understand." His chuckle is harsh. "But I am greedy. I want to touch you more than anything." His fingers stroke down my arm. "And I want to spend this last night knowing what it is like to feel pleasure. I am a greedy beast."

"Don't call yourself that," I admonish him. I put a hand to his waist and find that he's wearing pants of some kind, though the fabric feels worn and old. "You're just Ruari to me. Never a beast."

"If you could see what you were touching..."

"I would still see Ruari," I whisper to him. My fingers find the laces of his pants and I tug at them, loosening things until the fabric falls away. There's nothing but smooth skin and I reach lower, looking to continue where I left off last night. I can't wait to explore him all over, to see what happens when I touch him like he touched me. The thought's exciting and I'm practically squirming with eagerness. "Can I touch you as I please? Or are you still nervous that I'll be repulsed?"

"You...can touch me." He strokes my cheek again. "I am yours."

His words fill me with yearning and excitement both. I decide I'm going to take my time. Since I cannot see, I must rely on my fingers to 'describe' Ruari to my hungry senses. I start with his hair, thick and wavy under my fingers. It's tousled and overlong, as if he hasn't taken care of himself since becoming cursed. I slide my hands down to his ears, touching them briefly before moving on to his face. I trace his features, trying to picture them. His brows are thick and heavy, and his lashes are so long that they brush against my skin when I trace around his eyes. His nose is strong with the slightest bump to it. His cheekbones feel high, and his jaw is square. I don't go near his mouth, since he doesn't like that, but I imagine I'd want to kiss it even if it was a thin, firm line. He's mine, this sad, lonely man. I want to kiss him everywhere to show that.