Baking and Babies (Chocoholics #3)(48)

“What are your immediate future plans with my daughter?” Jim asks, pulling me out of my horny thoughts and hoping I didn’t mutter any of them out loud.

“Um…to spend time with her, and…uh, yeah. Hang out and stuff,” I tell him uncomfortably. I don’t really think he’d appreciate me telling him all the ways I want to f*ck his daughter.

“I mean, are you planning on making an honest woman out of her and proposing?” he questions. “It’s the least you could do after you defiled her and ruined her for any other man.”

Wow, really? And here I thought Jim was starting to take a liking to me. What the hell is wrong with my dick and sperm that he thinks it would defile Molly? I’ll have you know my sperm is very nice, and I’ve gotten quite a few compliments on how appealing to the eye my penis is.

“She’s not defiled,” I grumble. “The Desoto sperm is filled with all sorts of good stuff.”

“My sperm is filled with pineapple. I eat two pineapples a day leading up to blow job day,” Drew comments.

“She’s twenty years old and just finished college. What man is going to want a woman tied down with another man’s child?” Jim asks, folding his arms and glaring at me.

“Um, how about me, the father of the child?”

The fake child, but whatever. I know I freaked out in the beginning and couldn’t imagine being with her if she were having someone else’s kid, but things have changed since then. If Molly really were pregnant by someone else, it wouldn’t matter. I’d find a way to deal with the knowledge that she had someone else’s gross spooge all up in her, and I’d deal with everything that comes along with helping her raise that child, because in the end, she’s still the same girl I’ve wanted for two years. She’s still Molly and even if we don’t know each other well, even if tonight was the first time I kissed her and there’s still so much I need to learn about her, she’s gotten into my heart and under my skin, and I’m not going to let anything ruin that.

“At least Gavin has the good sense to wrap his dick up to prevent shit like this, because he and Charlotte are smart and they don’t want kids,” Jim informs me.

“That’s what you think,” I laugh, realizing immediately I should have kept my mouth shut.

Everyone looks at me funny and I quickly blurt out the first thing I can think of.

“I mean, I wrap my shit up too, but accidents still happen. I even double-bag it. That’s right, I wear two condoms so suck it!” I tell them. “But you know what, sperm is conniving and vindictive, and if they want to chew their way through two layers of latex, they will sure as shit gnaw through that stuff and give you the finger while their little spermy tails are moving them right along. Fucking sperm and their spermy tails…”

Realizing I sound like a complete moron, I slam my empty bottle on top of the coffee table and grab another beer from the ice bucket in the middle. I down the entire thing, wiping my hand across my mouth when I finish.

Tyler decides to break the tension in the room by walking over to Jim and getting down on one knee in front of him.

“Jim, give me your hand,” he states, holding his palm out.

“What the f*ck are you doing?” Jim complains.

“Just give me your hand, I need to ask you something.”

Jim looks at him in disgust, and then smacks Tyler’s hand away.

“Fine,” Tyler huffs. “We’ll do it your way.”

He clears his throat and lifts his chin, resting his hands on top of Jim’s knees.

“Jim, I’d like to officially ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage,” Tyler tells him confidently.

“Fuck, I think I’m going to cry,” Drew mumbles with a sniffle, rubbing his fists against his eyes.

“Get the f*ck off your knee and remove your hands from my legs,” Jim growls.

“I’m sorry, Jim, but I need to do this the right way. I want you to see that I will spend as much time on my knees as it takes to please you.”

Drew laughs and holds out his fist for Carter to bump. “Ha ha, that’s what she said!”

Jim glares at him and Drew gives him the finger.

“Oh, f*ck your face. Like I was the only one thinking it.”

“I can’t believe you’re going to get married,” Gavin says quietly. “What happened to bros before hos?”

Tyler snorts. “Really, dude? You’re getting married in like, a few weeks. You already made the decision to quit me for a ho so it’s time for me to get my own life and my own ho.”

Jim snaps his fingers in front of Tyler’s face. “Hey, *. The hos you’re referring to are my daughters.”

Gavin and Tyler ignore him and continue with their own weird conversation.

“I didn’t quit you, I just asked the love of my life to marry me. I’m sorry if that gets your panties in a twist,” Gavin complains.

“I wore Ava’s panties ONCE and you were supposed to keep that a secret, f*cker!” Tyler yells angrily. “You’re my best friend, and in some circumstances you will come first, but not when it has to do with marriage, which you should understand. I’m sorry, but I’m picking the ho this time.”

Jim punches Tyler in the arm and pulls back his fist to do it again when Tyler holds up his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Ho is a term of endearment, I swear!”