Baking and Babies (Chocoholics #3)(51)

The water starts churning in my stomach and I quickly put the glass down.

“Marco has experience,” I whisper nervously. “And he’s older. He knows what he’s doing, and I’ve only touched a Pez Penis. What the f*ck am I doing?!”

Charlotte smacks my cheek, grabs both of my arms, and turns me to face her. “Snap out of it, woman! There is no instruction manual for this shit. No one knows what they’re doing. You just go with the flow and do what feels right.”

I nod even though everything she’s saying just makes me more nervous. Why isn’t there an instruction manual? Sex For Partial Virgins 101.

The ding of my cell phone sounds from the counter, and I watch as Ava picks it up and smiles.

“Buckle up, slut. There’s a penis with your name on it headed this way. He was already headed down here to see if you needed rescuing so he’s right around the corner. There’s also a partially melted bag of frozen peas and a raw steak coming as well, whatever that means,” Ava states. “I really hope Uncle Drew hasn’t been teaching him anything weird tonight.”

My eyes widen and I whip my head back to face Charlotte.

“What if he wants to have sex with the steak? What if he wants to use the peas on me? Is that a thing? Like some sort of tiny Ben Wa balls or something?” I ask her in a panic. “I knew I never should have left him alone with Uncle Drew! Now he’s got ideas. Weird, kinky ideas that involve frozen food and I don’t know how to have regular sex, let alone frozen food sex!”

My scalp starts to get itchy and sweaty and I can’t remember if I put on deodorant before I left the house. At least I put on good underwear.

“Speaking of Ben Wa balls, did you hear Aunt Jenny had to go to the emergency room AGAIN last week because she got them stuck up in her?” Ava laughs. “Uncle Drew asked if they could have their own parking space. I guess after the nurses spent so much time watching Aunt Jenny waddle across the parking lot while doing lunges, the doctor submitted the request to the hospital board for safety reasons.”

I whimper and my lip starts to quiver.

“I don’t want to go to the emergency room because frozen peas get stuck in my vagina!” I wail.

“Oh, for the love of God,” Charlotte mutters. “Ava, stop freaking her out. Molly, no one’s putting frozen peas up your who-ha. No one says you have to have sex with him tonight. You two need to be alone. Maybe start with something simple. Get to know his penis. See what he likes and take it slow.”

I look at Ava to see if she agrees and find her nodding in approval.

“Slow is good. Try a blowjob. It’s pretty impossible to screw those up. As long as your mouth is on his dick, he’s not going to care about anything else.”

Okay, I can do this. I can put my mouth on a penis. I’ve seen porn and I know how it’s done. In theory.

“Why is it called a blowjob? Don’t you just suck on it? There’s no blowing involved, right?” I ask.

“Since you’re a beginner, just stick with the sucking for now. When you graduate to the advanced class, we’ll discuss the use of popsicles and lube that heats up when you blow on it. For now, just focus on the basics. Lips, tongue, penis, suck. The end,” Ava explains.

“Lips, tongue, penis, suck,” I repeat.

“I thought it was lick, slam, suck?” Grandma asks, dancing by us again and overhearing what I said. “Have I been doing tequila shots wrong tonight?”

She turns away from us when the hotel door opens and my mom and Aunt Claire walk back inside.

“Girls, you didn’t send those strippers away, did you?” Grandma shouts across the room. “I need to borrow one of those boy’s wieners to lips, tongue, penis and suck with my next tequila shot. I guess that’s what the kids are doing these days.”

There’s a loud knock at the door, saving mom and Aunt Claire from trying to respond to Grandma. Aunt Claire moves to the side while my mom opens the door, holding it wide so Marco can come in.

“Oooooh, forget the stripper! I’ll use his penis!” Grandma announces.

“You better get over there and get him to your room before Grandma ruins him,” Charlotte whispers. “There is no coming back from false teeth falling out on your dick during a blowjob.”

She pats me on the back and Ava gives me a thumb’s up. “You got this. Embrace your inner slut.”

I can do this. I can totally do this.

“Did someone order a hot piece of man-meat?” Aunt Claire shouts, sliding her hand around Marco’s elbow and leading him into the room.

Mustering up as much confidence as I can, I raise my hand and smile.

“That would be me. Looks like my delivery came in thirty minutes or less.”

Aunt Claire deposits Marco in front of me, grabbing Charlotte’s arm and waving Ava over to join them as they head into the living room area.

I look up into Marco’s face and I gasp.

“Holy shit! You have a black eye!”

Reaching my hand up, I gently touch the purple area on his upper cheekbone, jerking my hand away when he winces and gasps.

“Oh, no, your lip,” I mutter, my fingers tracing over the crusted blood on his bottom lip.

The picture Ava showed me on my phone didn’t come close to how bad it looks in person. His poor, perfect lip that rocked my world with that kiss earlier is now out of commission.